Marriage Sherpa did a survey recently which uncovered a top expectation women have of their husbands: honesty. The majority of respondents are trying to learn how to survive infidelity, with 94% of those who responded being affair victims.
If you want to know how to survive infidelity, understand that it is a multi-layered process. But one of the most crucial elements for surviving an affair is having honesty in your relationship.
In this blog, I’ll share with you three of the 5 Building Blocks for developing an honest, open, trust-worthy marriage. Keep reading…
How to Survive Infidelity When Trust is Destroyed
Over the years, Marriage Sherpa has received numerous questions – pleas for help in how to survive infidelity perpetrated by spouses who put their marriages in the utmost jeopardy. Common questions revolve around honesty and trust, such as:
1. How can I ever trust him/her again after he/she lied to me?
2. After she/he has lied to me for so long, what steps can I take to rebuild the honesty and trust again?
3. How will I know he/she is being honest with me?
4. How do I know he/she is really telling me the truth and not just telling me what I want to hear?
This is an ongoing struggle for many victims of an affair, as they ask themselves constantly how they’ll ever survive the infidelity – let alone, trust their spouse once again.
End the Affair NOW and Save Your Marriage from Divorce
An affair is a traumatic experience that devastates not only your marriage but your self-esteem. Only 30% of marriages survive an affair. Prevent your divorce by discovering:
- How to feel normal again… today
- How to get the details
- How to stop the affair
- How to restore talk honestly
- The fastest way to rebuild trust
If you don’t discover the specific steps you must take, you may not survive.
Click here and to learn More
You can rebuild the honesty after it has been demolished by your spouse’s infidelity. What you need is to learn the right skills for this to happen, something that many affair victims just don’t have at the moment.
How To Rebuild The Honesty
Honesty and trust form the structure of your relationship. Without them present, your relationship collapses. No one wants to be in a relationship where they don’t feel a sense of security in what their spouse says to them or the actions they take when they’re not around.
One critical element to rebuilding honesty is the presence of transparency. Your marriage may not have it – which is how an affair was able to happen. If all of your and your spouse’s actions were totally transparent to one another, it would:
1- Be difficult to be dishonest with one another in the first place.
2- Make it difficult for an affair to incubate and grow, because it doesn’t have secrecy to shroud it.
3- Be challenging to sneak around and conduct an affair, because each spouse’s whereabouts through the course of the day/night would be open.
Rebuilding honesty and trust, which I’ve described as the structure of your marriage, is very similar to building the structure of a home: there are building blocks, layers upon which the structure rises. In the case of building honesty as your relationship’s foundation, there are five critical building blocks. Here are three to get you started:
Building Block #1: Reassure Your Spouse
While it’s generally the victim who wants to know how to rebuild honesty, the cheater often wants to know what they can do, as well. If you are the cheater, you need to reassure your spouse that you’re committed to making the necessary repairs to the relationship, and working at rebuilding honesty.
If you are the victim, you can reassure your spouse that you are committed to working with them on rebuilding the honesty in your relationship. What it will take is a dual effort on both your parts: sharing all aspects of your life, your day-to-day activities. By sharing, you’re reassuring your spouse that what you are offering your honesty.
Building Block #2: Give Your Spouse Attention
If you just found out about your spouse’s affair, you will probably need some time to yourself at first as you work through the initial emotional shockwaves. But if you’re committed to surviving infidelity and rebuilding honesty in your marriage, you can offer whatever amounts of positive energy you can muster that helps move your relationship forward out of the destruction.
It can be the small, quiet things: helping each other with errands or chores, such as bringing in groceries from the car, or assisting with dishes. It shows that you are paying attention to what’s going on and that you are working toward reconciliation and rebuilding.
Building Block #3: Show Your Spouse You Care
What does infidelity really say to the victim of the affair? It’s almost as if the words “I don’t care” have been spoken aloud. It’s critical that each spouse show they care about the other.
In the early days after the affair’s revelation, it can be a true challenge for the affair victim to show they care. They’re too busy reeling from an onslaught of negative emotions, images and thoughts. The cheater needs to be patient with their spouse as they work through their inner turmoil, and do whatever they can to show they care.
As the victim, your show of caring may start small – just as long as it starts, and you keep building.
These three building blocks will get your relationship moving toward a healing phase in which you rebuild honest and trust once again.
My best to you as you rebuild honesty in your marriage and discover how to survive infidelity.
Are you the affair victim, or the cheater?
What have you done to rebuild honesty in your marriage? Is your spouse making the effort, as well?
Are these three building blocks present in your marriage today? If not, what is your current challenge in implementing them?
Please share your ideas and personal experiences on this topic with other members of the community.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,