Does your spouse have an uncaring attitude toward you?

Some people’s personalities are such that they give the impression they don’t care about anything or anyone. However, it may not be a matter of personality: maybe your spouse has been getting away with bad behavior towards you, treating you as if you don’t matter.

And this angers you.

In this blog, I’ll help you turn that uncaring attitude around with 3 tips. Read on…

Does He (or She) Have an Uncaring Attitude?

There are going to be times in a marriage where your spouse is going to do something to upset you. Maybe he/she doesn’t agree with something you’ve said or done, or you’ve made a request that they have ignored or outright blown off.

Does this mean your spouse doesn’t care about you?

Not necessarily, and here’s why: sometimes, we get caught up in behavioral patterns, an action/reaction sequence that’s simply dysfunctional. It does not mean your spouse doesn’t care—it means your spouse is caught in a rut in how they respond to you.

For example, when you ask your spouse, “Have you taken out the trash?”

His response may be: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

You think that’s dismissive and so you become angry and say, “You don’t have to be so nasty. I’m simply trying to remind you, since you always forget.”

His response is to sigh and leave the room.

Do you have behavioral sequences such as this that repeat themselves over and over? If so, it’s a sign that you and your spouse are locked into a behavioral rut, a groove worn into your relationship that is essentially the lazy way of interacting with each other.

Both of you may have the best of loving intentions toward one another. The problem may be as simple as how you choose to express those loving intentions.

Changing Attitudes

Do you want to change your spouse’s attitude toward you? Here are 3 steps on how to move your spouse from an uncaring attitude to one that is expressive of his or her loving intentions:

Step 1: Catch Yourself

Here’s the kicker: in order to change someone else’s typical reaction, you need to change your action.

For example, using the reminder about taking out the trash from earlier, your normal reaction to your spouse’s reaction is to get upset by his brush-off response of “yeah, yeah, yeah.” You may think he is saying you’re just a nag. You get upset and then you yell something in return.

The first step is to catch yourself: you are feeling upset and misunderstood. You’re not a nag, right? You’re just making sure the trash gets taken out. Acknowledge that you’re upset—but don’t linger there, just let that feeling go.

Step 2: Change Your Attitude

The second step is to change that reaction.

To change your spouse’s attitude, you need to change yours first, and this involves how you act and react to your spouse. Otherwise, you’ll both continue to do the same song and dance with each other. You yell, he sighs, and you’re left feeling he doesn’t care.

Instead of getting upset, what can you do or say instead that is different than your normal reaction? Maybe you could simply say, “Okay, thanks.”

Step 3: Be Patient

Changing attitudes takes time and practice. You want your spouse’s loving attitude and respect, but right now, you’re locked in a behavioral sequence that leaves you feeling unloved and disrespected.

It took time to create that relationship groove, so it will take time to work out of it and create a new, more positive groove. Just stick with the steps of catching yourself and changing your reaction. Eventually, your spouse will have to react in new ways, simply because his or her old way of reacting no longer fits the situation.

My best to you in changing your spouse’s uncaring attitude.

Do you think your spouse is uncaring?

Can you pinpoint your behavioral sequences with your spouse?

Have you ever tried to react differently—and caught your spouse by surprise?

Please share your ideas and personal experiences on this topic with other members of the community.

Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,

Stephanie Anderson

Editor-in-Chief

Marriage Sherpa

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