Many affair victims want to know how to survive an affair and conquer the roadblocks to healing. The inner struggle a victim of an affair goes through is indescribable—unless you’ve been there yourself. Eventually, time is the true healer.
But many victims of their spouse’s affairs wonder if there is a way to make the process go faster, or exactly how they can move on from this point of pain—or even if what they’re experiencing could be considered normal.
In this blog, I’ll share with you how to survive an affair, specifically dealing with two of the monstrous emotions that need to be faced and handled as soon as you recognize them. And, I’ll give you some strategies to cope with them so they don’t block your ability to heal.
Two Post-Affair Monstrous Emotions
When you first learn your spouse has cheated, you are hit with a barrage of rollercoaster emotions, negative thoughts and haunting images. Unfortunately, this horror is “normal,” and it’s something that you will need to work through.
And, it’s also perfectly normal to want to get through this horror as quickly as possible.
One thing most victims of an affair share in common are the emotions they will face as they recover. It’s not abnormal in the least to have a flare-up of various emotions concerning your spouse’s betrayal. You have received a shock, and this is a natural response to the trauma, your own personal journey as you learn how to survive an affair that has rocked your world.
========================================================
How to Survive an Affair has sold over 20,000 copies and we have hudreds of written testimonials that have told us that Dr. Gunzburg’s program was the single reason they survived.
- Regain your self-esteem after the affair…
- Replace the anger, depression and sadness…
- Forgive your spouse and get a heart-felt apology…
- Rebuild the trust from the ground up…
- Open the lines of communication…
- Eliminate the negative thoughts…
- End the affairs for good…
- Make the relationship better than ever…
========================================================
While the emotions themselves are normal, what can become “not normal” is getting caught up and stuck in them. If the emotions take center stage, they can derail your ability to take the necessary steps needed to achieve true healing for yourself, as well as your ability to heal your relationship with your spouse and move forward.
Let’s look at two very common emotions that can control you if you don’t use coping strategies to work through them:
Emotion 1: Jealousy
Of course you’re going to experience jealousy. Your spouse went outside of your marriage and shared himself or herself with another person. The ripple effects of this are extensive: you begin to doubt yourself, your self-esteem erodes—and you wonder what this other person has that makes them so “attractive” to your mate that they strayed in their direction.
Jealousy means you are reacting to the fact that your spouse took the time and affection that should have been showered on you, and shared these precious commodities with a stranger. Not to mention, you are plagued with images and thoughts of your spouse with this paramour, the idea that they were whooping it up and having a good time while you were shunted to the side.
Let’s consider another emotion you need to cope with:
Emotion 2: Uncertainty
Your world has been rocked, your foundation ripped from beneath your feet. You question and doubt everything: what is real, what isn’t? Which of your views, assumptions and beliefs are true, and which are an illusion?
This is truly a monstrous emotion. Your bedrock has been removed, and you can’t seem to get your bearings—let alone know what’s going to happen to your carefully constructed life and marriage.
These are two very emotional struggles that the victim of an affair may face. Ignoring them won’t make them stop, and in fact, will delay healing. And allowing them to take over your world will cause more pain and suffering, in addition to putting off the healing steps you need to take.
Coping Strategies to Conquer Emotional Roadblocks
When you are confronted with these emotions and recognize them for what they are, employ these coping strategies to conquer these potential roadblocks:
Coping Strategy 1: Draw a Line in the Sand
Particularly with jealousy, your reaction to this emotional roadblock can get out of hand. With negative thoughts and images taking over your every waking moment (and haunting your sleep), you may be tempted to act out in response to those feelings of jealousy. Maybe you’ll go out and find someone to “get even,” or give your spouse the silent treatment for the next six months.
Recognizing jealousy as a normal reaction to the abnormal behavior of your spouse who cheated is the first step to coping. Plan in advance how you will handle this emotion: know that it’s going to get ugly, know that you will contemplate a whole range of retaliatory acts—and draw you line in the sand: you won’t actually act upon any of them.
Victims of an affair who act out on their feelings of jealousy can make the emotional turmoil a lot worse for themselves, because now they will be adding guilt, regret and a host of other emotions to the tempest pot they were already dealing with.
Coping Strategy 2: Talk to Someone About What You’re Going Through
For jealousy and uncertainty, and any of the other emotions you are dealing with, it helps to have someone you trust that you can turn to and pour your heart out. It helps alleviate the pain and suffering you are experiencing to actually put words to what you are feeling inside.
However, think carefully about whom you share your pain with: anyone who is too close to the situation, such as family and friends, may not be the best people to choose. If your long-term goal is to save your marriage, it won’t help to have the people who surround you angry with your spouse—long after you repair your relationship. Often, our family and friends who care about us will long hold a grudge against the cheater, angry that they caused such pain to the person they love.
Consider instead a clergy person or a counselor. They can provide you a compassionate, yet neutral, place to turn to as you work to heal the pain.
My best wishes for you as you work to conquer the emotional roadblocks to post-affair healing.
What are the strongest emotions you’ve experienced since learning of your spouse’s affair?
How have you handled the emotional rollercoaster?
What coping strategies are you using, or have you used?
Do you feel you are stuck in any one particular emotional tailspin?
Please share your thoughts and experiences regarding post-affair emotional turmoil by leaving a comment below.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,
Stephanie Anderson
Editor-in-Chief
Marriage Sherpa
Incoming search terms:
- recovering from an affair (11)
- how to survive relationship with married man (5)
- how to survive an affair blogs (5)
- how to recover after learning your spouse was having an emotional affair (3)
- emotional roadblocks in early recovery (2)
- how to survive an affair with a married man (2)
- roadblocks to healing (2)
- victim of emotional affair (2)
- how to survive an affair (2)
- psalms for someone who needs guidance and help after suffering a spouses affair (1)
Inside this 100% free report, you'll discover how to:
- Overcome obsessive images...
- Rebuild self-confidence...
- Feel normal again...
[...] rest on the commitment of the couple to do this. Getting over infidelity or as some would say, dealing with infidelity is not a one day [...]
[...] really depend on the resolve of the spouse to do this. Dealing with infidelity or in other words, surviving an affair isn’t a one day [...]
[...] the will of the couple that would eventually matter. Getting over infidelity or as some would say, surviving an affair is not a one day [...]
[...] the will of the couple that would actually matter. Getting over infidelity or as some would say, dealing with infidelity isn’t a one day [...]
[...] attempts at getting over infidelity can be difficult. When you learn about surviving an affair, you would handle it better. This entry was posted in Marriage by haseebnexus. Bookmark the [...]
[...] your problem getting over infidelity or surviving an affair? With proper help, you can get the desired [...]
[...] can do), whether or not success is recorded would rest on the spouse. Dealing with infidelity or surviving an affair is something that has to occur over [...]
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog? My blog is in the very same niche as yours and my users would really benefit from some of the information you present here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Regards!
[...] reason you’re feeling threatened is because your spouse is expending emotional energy with a person that isn’t you. They are building an intimate connection with someone [...]
Hi,
I believe in signs for sure. As a matter of fact how I knew of my husband’s unfaithfulness was from dreams and signs. It took me a while to trust what I was experiencing and then to work up the nerve to confront my husband with this. We’ve been marriaed for 13 years and we were each other’s best friend. He use to say “It’s you and me against the world.” So imagine my surprise when I had to comtemplate him being unfaithful. Long story short. I was right down to every last detail, which shook him up alot. I had no real evidence, just signs and dreams. I thank God for sending me these messages. The affair lasted for 2 months this summer, and I know it would still be going on if I had no idea. I know it would because my husband would never leave a relationship unless she were to end it. He is THAT nonconfrontational and spineless. Its sad but true. He is changing that otherwise we won’t last. We are still working to save our marriage. We have 3 wonderful children. He is surprised that I of all people am willing to save our marriage, because I always said in the past that if he were to stray it would be over. Of course the day I found out I had to be with my son and act as though all was well. I recieved another message that day.
Let me back track, When I found out I told him to pack his stuff, I didn’t care where he went. Then I had to go get my oldest from school for a doctors appointment. I should’ve gotten an Oscar for my acting that day. My son had no clue the anguish I was in.
I look at it as God’s Divine timing. As I spent the day with my son all that kept coming in my head was that his world will never be the same. All of his foundations will forever be altered. I can’t do that to him. It’s bad enough that his father gave up so easily on us; to have his mother do it too, is just wrong. So being the stubborn Irish girl I am I told my husband to come home now; we need to talk asap. He came home and I told him that he has no right to give up on his family. Confused or not he needs to try everything in his power to save this family. He agreed.
I wish I could say its all been golden since then. He has had to have quite a few wake up calls from me since then, but I feel and I am seeing by his actions, not just words, that he is changing. I’m lucky in that for sure. I thank him for that too. But I do say that this is his one and only chance. I told him that he not only needs work with me to save this family he needs to work to save his soul! He has some major Karma to make up for. I have also told him to not even try with us if he thinks for one moment he no longer loves me or is in love me. I know to the depth of my soul that I’m in love with him, but I will not be with someone who doesn’t have that same love for me in return. I won’t put my kids through a loveless marriage. I know myself well enough to know I couldn’t the best mother they deserve me to be if we had no love in our marriage. He loves me and I have his actions, messages to confirm that, and the contract I told him to sign if he is truely committed to saving us helps too.
And yet the images, uncertainty, and self esteem issue definately occur. They can get me really down and in a rut. Luckily thus far I have been aware enough not to let it go to far. But it is a fairly constant battle.
I am conforted by the belief that God has my back and wouldn’t give me the signs and messages I have recieved for no reason. I have learned to trust these signs and messages. I am blessed that my husband is grateful for being able to stay in our family. He is making major strides in rebuilding trust and becoming a better person and husband. I also have been working to learn what I need to do to be a better person, not just for us but mostly for me. I’m the only one who can rebuild my self esteem. I know that now.
Thank you for your blog it has helped me and my marriage alot. Please don’t stop. Your work here is so important.
Thank you
Thank you
wolfe
Hello: I have not forgotten all of you, just busy with life. Ironic about signs, as I was mentioning before. Sunday’s sermon started with our pastor talking about signs and how we search for them! He preached on the day’s reading from Leviticus and all the laws we needed to follow. It wasn’t the entire passage and didn’t get to adultery (although that was the week before and my husband started squirming — good — let the guilt rot him!) But what struck me was the rule/law not to hate or harbor revenge, and that God will take care of that. I like that. Vengence is mine, says the Lord. Karma is a bitch, as they say, and I have already seen it working on my husband — from all his fooling around he caught HPV and genital warts. Now sex (with protection) is a constant reminder of his sins. And his health is failing — another constant reminder of how he was never there for me with my health concerns. It all comes around in the end…. More later. Hugs to all.
Beth
Whoa …one two punch …night time IS indeed a time when we get tired and the pain and sorrow come over us …it is harder to keep a lock on the various images…
Today was productive as I was busy packing more of the house…but this evening I asked about how he felt when he was there when she was having their first baby..he said it was mixed ..he was nervous ..and really having it hit him how WRONG it was ..he did not stay near her but was watching from across the room ..it seems so weird that if a man LOVES a woman enough to risk his career , health , financial stability ..his wife and children to make this kind of arrangement …how distant he could be at the moment of birth of a child that he has with her.
This progressed with me getting more and more curious ,.and he being cautious …it is just so HARD to get past the thought that indeed he did love this woman and had to actually work harder to make time for her in his life than he ever bothered to do to be with us.
His ‘reason ‘ for turning away from me was that he felt I ‘did not like him or the things he liked to do ‘ .
This is not reality …I have spent 30 years accomodating our differences…he has gone his own way for a good portion of that with me allowing him the freedom to choose to be in participation of marriage… he chose otherwise… !
The objections I had whenever were out of the experience of being disrespected and disloyalty to me in the presence of his family and friends …usually after a drink or two ..HE is NOT a drinker…but his family would get more and more ruacous and his friends too .
As a believer who had been working in clubs I did not like to be around people who were more and more loose when drinking ..and indeed as a believer I felt better avoiding such things and disciplining my life more and more to choose what I read GOD wanted for me to be doing .
It was not just one drink ..not a riot ether …but as I felt I should not allow the kind of disrespect to go unaddressed…I did not embarrass him …but chose to speak about it later …the next day .
Basically my husband did not have any authority other than himself ..it was what his family taught him …His mother told me that they did not believe anyone had any right to tell anyone else about GOD .
I guess Jesus would not be welcome in their home …
His father told me not to speak any more about God or JeSUS ..
That sounds just like something from the book of ACTS
This was no mystery about my walk and faith ..I was not really fanatically I simply had been following the LORD for many years before meeting my husband and HE told me he had the same beliefs.
I THOUGHT I took enough time and effort to learn about him and observe it this faith was genuine…I must have missed a lot of red flags …
After marriage we moved to another part of the state and he worked with an elderly man ..no women in an office environment as yet….so little challenges to his faithfulness…plus we were active in a wonderful fellowship for most of our friendships …wholesome and strong in the Lord…mostly musicians and people in the entertainment business,…who were not in to many of the ways people think of entertainers enjoying life amid the ‘mud’ ..but learning to walk in more wholesome things of the Lord.
We were fine until we moved back to the area where we were in close proximity to his family and old friends..and then his new work was very much like his college era sort of comradery in an office full of young women …
Simply ..those who do not have Jesus AS LORD ..are going to want to continue being ‘lord’ and not care about such things as sanctification ..or the word being the cleanser of all our old ways that lead to more and more sin and destruction
‘
My husband did not want to CHANGE as the WORD would have continued to do in his life because other people and living the life HE wanted to live ,..despite the changes he had already seen fruit from …he CHOSE to cast off the LORD and anyone who wanted to live more and more accordingly
I was NOT ‘stuffy’ ..I had been a professional musician…rock and roll …funk …but all people who loved the LORD ! …I loved to enjoy people …laughs, but the Lord was working in me to keep moving me toward making better choices in what I enjoyed as FUN…
My husband was not willing to consider the ways that his behavior was changing when he was moving away from concerns about what his choices were sayiing about his values. He did not like to limit himself in terms of choices of what FUN is …he chose movies that we had not agreed were worth our time and exposure…he chose to go out for social drinks without me ..for the morale of his office crew….it was lonely and actually disturbing for me as I watched him change ..to be more and more in opposition to the things that we used to agree were better choices to keep our marriage on a wholesome and growing keel
The exhortation of choosing companions wisely is no joke..it is a very serious piece of wisdom ..he cast it off….
I was not condemning HIM but was expressing that I did not appreciate his treatment of me in the midst of his choices…and indeed a wife IS going to be more sensitive to things that are destructive to the marriage AND the husbands life as well as the condition her husbands life causes in her too .
I asked him if he would prefer that I say nothing if a huge truck was about to hit him?
If he preferred to be left alone in the light of his life entering into eternity at ANY time ..without any warning …would he like me to be silent ?
The Lord tells us to speak up …for the sake of sounding the warning .! I am guilty of caring about HIS SOUL and OUR marriage and he was not happy with that ..NO ONE could get him to care enough.
There is STILL no one that he will allow to speak into his life…NO ONE …he is the boss at work ..and he is the man ..
I was advised to NOT be his accountability but he will not submit to ANY ONE …
He will listen when I speak out of now feeling he owes it to me…I love to bounce the things I learn off of anyone…but it goes no deeper than the air …he dozes …he does not enter into any kind of conversation ..
He was tempted and lured and did not fight it at all with all the women who he was ‘nice’ to ….they were obviously enjoying his attention and some were evidently in crush with him
…even after I tried to appeal to his CARE for the other women that his flirty ways were drawing into caring about him and thinking about him in ways that were defiling to their hearts…HE would not hear it ..he scoffed at me .
Eventually just after our first born he was ‘comforting ‘ one of his employees who was crying …took her to a bar to try to allow her to talk about it and ended up kissing her …I confronted her with the appeal to the idea that the best man for any woman would not be another womans husband because the LORd does not bring anyone to a married person as an alternative …ONCE married they are off the ‘market’ ..she called a week later ..and asked me to forgive her..and she was quiting and leaving town !
I thought that was the end of that as I had certainly shown my husband a clear picture of what this pain was …
He just got better at lying and keeping his life secret.
I had a new baby ..and from that time through the time he met his OW …I was either pregnant ..or recovering from a c section or moving ..and selling a home ..and packing and moving again ..
Three children in seven years…the last one which put me in bed for months ..left him feeling left out ..and with his refusing to engage with me in a true marital relationship ..he became more and more self serving and self focused.
He just did not want to be associated as a married man ..he took a lot of his image from James Bond..and other exciting icons of glamours playboys..he had more and more advancements with the money that goes with it ..new sports cars…more and more of the icons of wealth and success became his passion …and when he got a plum of a promotion and transferred ..the single woman offering her ‘company’ by business card completed his image of the ‘successful ‘independent man with a mistress!
She was most willing and energetic to get all she could from him and from his family
She ‘wins’ by getting a married man and away from his wife ..who if she is of any kind of quality ..it is an even BETTER TROPHY boyfriend.
So it seems
During adultery ..the deception is very powerful …it causes a man to rewrite what he thinks of his wife…his view of all things becomes altered …and the grip of the feelings of freedom , excitement is escalated far more than any kind of reality that he may have at home with babies…nursing …diapers..housework …elder care…homework and the list goes on
He never wanted to bother with date night …it was too much trouble even though we did have a sitter…he just never wanted to make time for me …
his ‘reason” for being with her are she was willing to ‘give him sex’ …yet he told me I was much better than she…a lie? Who knows…the evidence is that SHE was the one that kept him from going after anyone …she got him to hire her ..and then make her partner ..she did not have to work too hard ..and she got more income than if she was just among the other employees..
Did she LOVE him ? He cannot know for sure ..she got so many benefits from being his whore..
He put himself in danger career wise..if he ever wanted to stop the adutlery he would risk being outed ..and losing his career …
if she wanted to stop ..she risked being fired…
They got themselves in a double bind.
And now with children she got to stop working …she gets child support over the legal limit by HUGE amounts.. because he is worried about those kids.
She has freedom to date and go out and do whatever she wants .
She was a true con artist..and we are now suffering all the losses …and I am still faithful to what I promised because I LOVE my husband…Someone here pointed out that all of us are ‘insecure’ and ‘in pain ..and it seems like this is something people think is weird why we stay married to the men we have invested our HEARTS and lives into over many years
If he had cancer we would not drop him !
We loved as we were led to love ..intentionally through the dry and bad times..and in the good …it was where we invested our hearts…and all that we have …it is what MARRIAGE IS …
WE GAVE ALL and that is what it is calling for ..daily …sacrificial giving …HUSBANDS have THAT as commandment …but most women do so …it is probably why it is a command TO MEN …women marry with the expectation of expending effort to love our husbands…otherwise why marry?>
I gave EVERYTHING in order to do in marriage whatever I could learn to do ..and offer support to my husband according to what he would allow me to learn ..he maintained his privacy and never grew out of that …as I thought he would grow to do as our lives went on and he became comfortable and trust grew ..I was completely trust worthy..but he would not trust me ..he trusted a woman who started out lying …and that is what is weird …
He simply did not like the image of being a married man in a society that assigns marriage as boring …old fashioned…and a wife is the worst thing a woman can be …and HAVING a wife in the mind of someone like my husband did not fit with his new image of his powerful , successful playboy ..
ALL of which I watched him flesh out in our lives as he purchased things .for external images..
UGH …
NOw he is still prone to get angry ,…he knows his choices were the worst ..and ‘sinful ‘ but his stubborn pride goes on …he does not want ANYONE to tell him ANYTHING
His mom taught him well…and his dad…
I have no REAL “open door” to speak to him ..he confessed his life of sin and is sorrowful but he does not want to take full responsibility ..he in truth has rejected the things necessary for change of heart..I feel like his listening and sorrow is a pose…he even goes through motions that might look genuine but it is not sustained through sessions where we get into some confrontations with truths of what he DID and DOES ..compared to what he SAYS ..
He wants to go forward ..and does not want to engage but wants to just “live life”…
Fun? ….he HAD fun ..now he just wants to get his life OVER with ..with as little effort as possible
This is a deception ..as one of you ladies pointed out …it is only GOD that opens the heart. ..I must wait on that …but it is hard …I have waited so long for years …and I am getting old and soon he will not have to make any more effort …to engage with his wife …he will have his freedom to live anyway he wants with anyone he wants…
I missed out on all the years I wanted to share with him in the past …and thought eventually he would want to be participating in an authentic life ..but he is not interested in living transparently ..it is too foriegn and scary ..in the heat he reverts to blaming and justifying and accusations .
In the meantime I am sorrowing over the loss of all that he had led me to dream of in terms of what we had in the beginning and his love for GOD and his capabilty to love …He spoke so well of the future UNTIL he began to prosper ..and then instead of plans for US it became whatever he wanted to do or whatever someone had a ‘good idea’ for him to do ..with or without me ..and usually without as they were impulsive and I had no advanced notice to make arrangements to join him .
HE DID have a desire to have a woman …but just not enough patience and self discipliine and unselfishness to make the effort it would take to make advanced plans to be with me …the activities have always seemed to be MORE important than WHO he did them with …even with our children.
That is UNTIL he met the OW . THEN he had to be proactive and plan ….she gave NOTHING to gain what we all sacrificed for him to get what SHE got .
He gave it all to the one woman …the OW …and now he says he hates her for what his involvement with her has done to all our lives!
It is not that he hate memories of her..but just that his life with her has damaged everything he has now because the work to change and make a real self examination is too much ..
So …no real openness but anger ..and continued phoney life…lack of real effort to relate …only if I approach him
I am tired tonight and as you can see sometimes the very truth that I know is difficult to apply!
I remember PAUL the apostle speaking of such a difficulty ..the war and wrestling with his mind ..to contend in his emotions to take them by the scruff with the WORD to make his thoughts continue under that Lordship .
It is not to deny the power of the LORD but to see our own weakness in the face of the sorrow and pain …that said ..JESUS STILL is LORD and HE will carry us through this …
I have written so much …maybe because I have lack so much of what has been in my heart with no one to hear for so many years….I used to just go into my closet and speak all of it to the LORd .not a bad thing…but someone with skin on is also a need we have ..thus fellowship is helpful in this walk .
I am sad to have to confess this here but I too crave prayer….Lord I believe …help thou my consarnent unbelief!!!
Laughing and crying ….too much information…too much reality …but what it is …
AWK I did not see your post …I wrote so quickly from my thoughts I had in the laundry room …
I do not see your continuing in your walk as any loss of your soul …your heart is breaking ..that is not condemned by the LORD ..you have been betrayed ..that is not something to take lighty .
Your husbands continuing in sinful ways …is from his NOT having taken the warnings from the LORD ..His sorrow lured him to take the thoughts that intruded into his MIND that are NOT FROM GOD …nor actually from the ‘natural mind ‘ of man …apart from wicked influences we do not cooperate with self annillation
But his mind is in need of truth …if he WILL NOT hear …we may pray for him to be brought to hear more and more testimonys of the WORD being true ..and ask GOD to open his heart.
MOst of the time it seems those who commit ongoing sin have opened themselves up to the random control of spirits ….influences.
They go back often out of habit ..they feel overwhelmed by the guilt and feel GOD will not save them
They fail to understand that GOd made SALVATION available to all ..and ALL were born DEAD and were IN trespasses and sin
Religions of man ..have been twisting the gospel for a long time to either condemn or affirm SINFUL living and saying that it is the person who sinned that is responsible to CHANGE enough to be acceptable to GOD
Salvation is the MEANS by which the WORD applies the salvation that is FINISHED for all people …TO their souls ..their lives..
IT takes beginning by entering in by way of a recognition of the NEED for a SAvior and a faith that HE IS …
Evolution …post modern doctrines that there is NO absolute truth have left people at the whims of flesh ..and those who think they can ‘get away ‘ with some kind of lust WILL if they think they can do so .
They believe the only thing that is wrong is to NOT do what they feel they want to ..and to be found out
That alone testifies that being found out is a truth …absolute truth that this activity is sinful
Once found out ..and not feeling the consequences …or enough to realize the wounding they do ..they are in danger of continuing ..to return to their ‘vomit’ as the word says about those who reject the truth .
I am sorrowful for you in that you have a hard hearted man who is caught up in the deception of his own mind and it is reinforced by the surroundings and companions that he does not see any reason to depart from .
He apparently sees no reason to live within boundaries…this is a tough one for you to stand by and endure.
The use of ‘tough love ‘ is often recommended …I sorrow for you …
He does not realize what he has in you ..and what help is available if he would become thankful …but he is seeming to STRIVE to get from the empty things of the world what only GOD would give and HAS given him IN a godly wife.
Time …and continuing to do what you must do to obey the LORD
Separation ? I don’t know …if you are not around him then HE is not seeing and having any confrontation with someone who is continuing in the LORD despite his treatment
The clues you had you did not address ..many taught some of the ways wives are to be from doctrines that are miss applied from man as if from GOD are to be revisited and corrected by the WORD .
I have to get off now ..but I will lift you and thank the LORD for helping you to get a solid view of what to do .
I am funny …I figure there is always time to throw something away ,…but once it is gone ..it is harder to get it back…must be why my garage looks the way it does!
I am a child of one who went through the Depression …..nuff said ..hahaha…
WE continue to decrease and HE increases ….Hugs ON you !
Sorry…I went away did some laundry …cleaning…and some additional thoughts came to mind.
Though JESUS was ALONE he was NOT alone in terms of the comfort and continuing presence of HIS FATHER …the SPIRIT of the LIVING GOD has promised us that though we are cast down we are not utterly cast off…HE will never leave us nor forsake us
WE might be lonely in terms of not having OTHER PEOPLE to be present with us as we struggle to continue to follow after Him …but he provides….as we see here ./
And as our ‘outward man perish …our inward man is growing day by day …and is being outfitted with His strength as we PUT HIM ON …
I was thinking about the four young men who would rather BURN than BOW …where would we have that account today if they had not been strong in their conviction to stay the course in following and obeying their heavenly Master.?
And in this trail of infidelity which is the outward manifestation of inward rebellion and rejection of truth ..the LORD Himself …we have a venue to continue just as the boys in the book of Daniel gave God the venue to display his POWER OVER FIRE!
WOw …the firery trial was a REAL FIRE …they had a REAL choice to make…and they were at least in the bond of faith as they went in agreeing together to stay the course that GOD had allowed them to be tried in .
They came out without even the smell of smoke on them …from a fire that killed the men that threw them IN !
Jesus Christ has not left us alone.
We are actually MORE in His sight than if we were to wander off and get entangled in some kind of activity that is rather empty of such an opportunity to serve HIM in this ..
WOW …from that standpoint ..we all are like those boys ..not alone but in the hand of the LORD and we together comfort one another …we know the heat …we know the like passions that are brought to challenge our minds…to try to condemn us for our painful emotions that are actually righteous responses to the violations that are brought against US ..our one flesh relationship and actually the SPIRIT of GOD that lives within us .
HE is offended ..angered …and just ..and if so …are we condemned for like response?
NO …but we are to leave the dealing of it within those who have done so IN GOD’S timeing and method ..hopefully to turn them
The ‘meek and quiet spirit ‘ of a woman married to an unbeliever is not as many think …just being a doormat …we are meek but TO GOD ..and we are quieted in the confidence that our continuing to be obedient to HIS WORDS are to bring about ..
The false impression of being ‘meek and quiet’ and thus becoming a mousey version of the woman that GOD has called upon us to be in the strength of being HIS ..and continuing to count upon HIS words …and living by them is the THING that is being set before people
To be meek….is to trust GOD …and DO what HE has said .
Let us be like the four young men who were willing to suffer for their continuing faithfulness to the WORDS of GOD ..they KEPT their VOWS …and were faced with an apparent horrible end…but it turned out to be to GOD”S GLORY as HE came to their rescue ..and demonstrated the value of honoring HIM before all flesh …including our own hurting hearts.
Be strong and courageous and see what the Lord will do
Thank you for your support and fellowship …because as you have read I have been in need of some fellowship and you are among the very few who are called upon in this time and place to do so ..
I so appreciate this ..and feel renewed even as I share these things with you
thank you for your patience with my outpourings here …I hope I am not taking too much of this venue for these expressions.It seems like an endless stream of thoughts….YOU have some too I know and love to be given the honor to hear your hearts ….
Hugs
Glory: I understand what you are saying about signs; however my walk with the Lord has always been a special relationship in that only He knows me well. And He knows my stubborn nature and knows at times I need things thrown in my face before I face the truth. I suspected my husband of being unfaithful for years but I stubbornly turned a blind eye. Only when my husbands life was at risk (he attempted suicide twice) that I began to unravel his double life. I knew I had to be strong and push my own pain aside. However now the heartache sets in and I can’t control the depression, anger, and resentment that lingers considering how he’s going back to his old behaviors. So I ask where is God in all this? Surely he didn’t mean for me to suffer so. Or lose my heart and soul. Its hard to reconcile. Before in hard times no matter what I would always feel the arms of God around me. But not this time. And I question why.
Beth
God DOES judge…
Jhn 12:48 He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day.
HIS WORDS are JUDGE>..we have them NOW availabe to ge judged in this lifespan which is our ‘day in court’ where in we may STILL change our direction in terms of eternity
HOW does anyone who knows not the words of God know HOW to be disentanged?
WE speak what we have seen and heard of HIM ..who IS the WORD …and we are thus allowing HIM to judge us as we live and walk …and HIS WORDS are the judge of all things
Those who cry ‘judge not ‘ fail to read that topic in it’s entirety as GOD has revealed it througout how HE uses the word ‘judgment’ …it is most instructive
Those who flee HIS judgment and cry …”speak no more in His name’ are those who are going on into eternity without allowing the judgment of GOD to turn them from their sinful carnal ways.
They are thus IN DANGER of the FINAL judgment ..when no spirit of GOD is found IN them ..because they refused to PUT ON the MIND of CHRIST that they could then judge their own lives by way of the truth and turn from …repent of their carnal ways ..and learn to walk in truth
It is HIS LOVE that has provided this for us …so that we are not going to perish with our fallen flesh upon the death of it …but that we may be translated into HIS KINGDOM by way of the grace aka POWER to live according to HIS WORDS>..also are THE POWER>..
It is exousia ..or activated by obedience to those WORDS…dunamis….inherent power.
AMEN
Dear Beth ,…
I am still waiting on my ‘tech ‘ helper….sorry …but if we keep communicating here perhaps it is helpful and useful for others.
a Sign ?
How about JONAH …DEATH BEFORE resurrection…not a physical death but one that is spirit…
The WORD is SPIRIT …IT KILLS and RESURRECTS our soul …it is thus translated into the kingdom of His DEAR SON >.which is UNSEEN
In this TIME >..we are not to be led by OUTWARD SIGNS>…the ‘signs’ we are to observe are the WORD of GOD as it comes to pass.
The WORD has been COMPLETED …we are to consume it and assimilate it by LIVING in it .
It SHOWS us all that is before us IN the LIGHT of truth WHAT is going on .
Mat 16:3 And in the morning, [It will be] foul weather to day: for the sky is red and lowring. O [ye] hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not [discern] the signs of the times?
THe ‘signs of the times’ are just what JESUS warned us about seeking outward experiential signs ..HE told us it would be by signs and wonders DONE by FALSE teachers that would lead people away who KNEW NOT THE TRUTH .
WE are given the WORD of GOD to become equipped with truth in order that we may KNOW HIM ..//
ALL outward signs and wonders were done to fulfill what GOD had told us would be done to CONDEMN those who were only concerned with outward earthly appearances and feelings.
It is a judgment …even when Jesus DID do miracles it was for the testimony against those who knew scripture concerning the coming Messiah …then who were equipped to identify that Messiah by way of the prophesys concerning him …and HE DID FULFILL THEM >..
The judgment upon them was they knew what to look for …then He did those things …and was those things..and they STILL REJECTED HIM
SO then ..He warned that the very means by which the false teachers would led those astray who KNEW NOT the TRUTH would be the use of outward displays of power …and signs..even among those who claimed that JESUS IS indeed LORD .
They deceive by the outward displays…and then …they also use FEELINGS>>>>> fleshly ‘testimonies’ that are not from WITHIN as the testimony of the WORD being from within the person who has the word written upon the tables of his heart…but through the EYES >….seeing …and then believing what is SEEN …that is generated from WITHOUT .
The WORD is the MEANS by which we are to ‘see’ GOD …it ‘reveals HIM ” to all who obey HIM >..
HE told us to STAY IN the WORD [abide] by the means of putting that WORD IN Us and KEEPING it …’[abides in YOU ] THEN he is abiding IN us and will guide us by that WORD coming to mind .
The ‘sign’ you are needing is the VOW that you took ..and to understand WHAT marriage IS in truth …a ‘mystery ‘ is not something that is not available to KNOW …it is FOUND IN the WORD …it is known because GOD does not every tell us to DO something without providing the information about WHAT and HOW to do it .
Marriage …the IMAGE of Redemption
What better ‘job 1 ‘ do we need …it is our task to allow GOD to demonstrate that redemption …Just as when he began to make marriage what HE wanted.
He first took EVE OUT FROM Adam ..separated the ONE FLESH into TWO ..
Man was taken OUT from GOD in that GOD created MAN …and formed him from the dust of the ground.
The man was then “one ‘ with GOD relationally
Then he took EVE out from MAN’S BODY ..and in marriage we are told it is GOD who PUTS MAN AND WOMAN TOGETHER into ONE FLESH …it is to put together that which had been taken apart.
Just as mankind was separated from GOD by way of his taking the lordship role from GOD ..and going about doing what his FLESH wanted him to do..
Mankind has been brought back through the sacrificial act of the HUSBAND …JESUS CHRIST who gave HIMSELF for his bride..
Husbands have not seen this who are not interested in the PURPOSE of what GOD reveals to us as one of the greatest priviledges a man could have ..to example the way Christ lived to serve the body …his body ..HIS BRIDE>
A man who becomes a husband has an awesome calling ..but the world has set up marriage by a flesh perspective.
Women who have not been protected by fathers …whose role is to provide and protect his daughters until they go under the protection of a husband …have been set out like lamb amidst wolves who seek to devour much flesh .
and FLESH is now the driving force behind many who marry ..a trade for sex …and provision ..and in the flesh there is little concern for the function of marriage as protective .
The feminist doctrines have brought about the idea that women do not need protection ..they are ‘the same as ‘ men …
The WORD teaches that we are all EQUAL …but different in design and various strengths…but GENDER differences are not bad but complimentary and necessary .
ANyway …if your EYE offend you …is in the context of lust ..but still …to seek a SIGN for the platform for our behavior is not according to truth …we are to KNOW TRUTH and then decide by the wisdom that truth concludes .
If we vow to marry we are useful to the work of GOD IN US ..and perhaps in the life of our Spouse…as they are PART of OUR OWN BODY …for the ultimate use of GOD in all that he has a plan for if we remain faithful to keep our vows …we made in marriage TO GOD ..even if the spouse does not .
It is STILL a useful thing…IF the UNbelieving depart ..then we are not bound ..but to make it available for GOD to use the word IN Us to cause us to continue to walk in it …then it MAY reconcile that spouse …
He will work in those who FOLLOW HIM and CONTINUE in HIS WORD …that word IN YOU …and grown and continuing to be your standard for YOUR behavior will be healing ..even though it takes TIME
I am in my fourth year from D day ..the fact that there are children from their collusive lives does mean that forever forward in this life they will be THERE as a testimony to THEIR parents sin …that is a terrible things …they are the two witnesses of this sin …that the two parents planned and created for their OWN reproof. ..the children had no part in that decision but they will remain in THIS life and the next as a testimony against these two .
HOw GOD will deal with them in eternity if they do not TURN is frightful to contemnpate
Jesus saved us from the PENALTY of SIN that results from breaking the laws of GOD … and thus we are compelled to STILL live our lives in submission to HIS WORDS> ..aka LAWS of GOD
If we want to be citizens of the US we are to obey the laws of the land..
If we are to live in the Kingdom of GOD we are told to obey the laws of that land….
It is unseen ..and God designed the WAY to the Kingdom to be unseen in tis realm …only seen by way of His SPRITI LIVING IN those who will obey his command to PUT HIS WORD IN our minds and live by them
Faith is not seen or by way of things seen
It GROWS by way of our doing what he has told us …and then we DO SEE the outcome or fruit of that obedience.
It is like a chemical formula …if we obey the ‘laws’ of chemistry we put things together to get and outcome
If we obey the LAWS of GOD we get to see the outcome in the resulting victories.
To wait upon the LORD is to do so AFTER having done what he TOLD us …be patient ..and wait for the latter fruit …the good fruit …that which is growing IN you by way of the incorruptible seed ..the WORD of GOD
Keep your heart prepared .turn the soil by way of your prayers and supplications …do not seek outward signs….as Jesus warned us they make us vulnerable to believe what seemeth right ..and those things are not always reliable to determine truth .
Pro 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof [are] the ways of death.
Pro 16:25 There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof [are] the ways of death
Thee are two witnesses to this truth .
Mat 24:24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if [it were] possible, they shall deceive the very elect.
Do we not see a great many going after this sort of thing today ?
Mar 13:22 For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if [it were] possible, even the elect.
2Th 2:9 [Even him], whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders,
Jhn 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.
How are we to be EQUIPPED with what is ‘righteous judgment”?
2Ti 3:16 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for INSTRUCTION IN RIGHTEOUSNESS,
It is the WORD that IN us instructs us in RIGHTEOUS judgment
For we are to JUDGE and be JUDGED by the words of our LORD ..he told us it is HIS WORD that is THE JUDGE>..we are to allow IT to tell us the truth about OUR SELVES >..and then whatever is truth about what IT says about US …it is true about all flesh
SO then we are NOT called to allow sin ,..but to judge it by the judgment of GOD which is HIS WORDS>
Jhn 6:63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, [they] are spirit, and [they] are life.
This does NOT make us the JUDGE …but we are to speak that which is truth so that any may recover themselves out of the snare of the lies of the world .the flesh ..and the devil that abound in what is seen …and felt ..
Luk 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Yeow
NOT a popular doctrine…but how will those in darkness be able to be recovered if those who have truth do no share it …???
Tts 1:13 This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith
This does not have to be done in a harsh way …but indeed HOW is it ‘respectful ‘to not show a man that we think he is CAPABLE to receive correction ..because we don’t want to ‘hurt
his feelings! That is more disrespectful as if he can’t HANDLE correction ..many show that they can’t because they are still little children and tantrum just as their explosions as children caused their parents to decline their responsibility to chasten their chidlren not wanting to lose the ‘love ‘ of their children …and HUGE abdication of authority and responsibility given to parents.!
God tells us WHOM HE LOVES he CHASTENS betimes…for our own GOOD!
Argh ..it is not pleasant ..even as scripture tell us and show us …but it is necessary because left to our fleshly old nature. ..we will go astray and DO as the flesh compells us
WHO can find a faithful man …! GOd calls us ALL to be faithful to HIM …because it is useful to HIS WILL and PLAN
We can ..even if NO ONE ELSE is ..and often experience this …
Jesus called 12…they all left him ..ALONE ..he knows what that is like…Peter was bold ..until he saw the beatings and then he too left and denied ChrIST ..he had NO POWER IN HIM at that time to withstand the fear of rejection and ultimate death ..so he ran..and was sorrowful ..
He wanted to be strong ..and Jesus remained strong and faithful to the task of His fathers will …unto death not so much because of US but because he LOVED GOD enough to FINISH the WORK that GOD had given HIM which was to OBEY …
Huh..
So then we have someone who KNOWS what it is we are tempted to do when it comes to deep sorrow and loneliness..he was LEFT ALONE …no man ..
At the cross the only one there were his mother…John …and Mary Magdeline….and whom much is forgiven….appreciate much..
SO stay STRONG …live HIS WORDS as much as is within you …be assured that there is NOTHING in HIM that we are going to be ashamed of .
We who know HIM must endure much for his namesake…therefore he has told us that we are BLESSED …when we are abused for HIS NAME SAKE>
Those who we love have been taken captive by evil spirits who have used them to try to take us OUT …but NO MAN can take us out of HIS HAND>>>>>WE are HIS and he cares for those who are HIS .
Keep on STAYING in HIM …in HIS WORDS>..and trust that in due time …we will reap if we faint not …
2Ti 4:2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
We out of love for the LORD do so …and if those in darkness have noone willing to lay down their lives..aka relationships and suffer rejection because of our walking in HIM ..then THEY are under and remain under the condemnation from the time of the FALL which condemnation will stand upon the flesh of all but only those willing to trust in the WORD os redemption that translate us into the kingdom by way of our walk IN Christ do we enter in lawfully ..and not climb up some OTHER WAY ..aka a false gospel.
Hugs on you ….thanks for reading this …and it is VERY helpful for you to keep sharing what is your trial for all who are in like trail my dear one .
To Morning, Jodie & Ayo: thanks for your words. They uplift me on this bleary morning. Jodie I too would hear God speak to me and even keep a gentle hand on my back to propel me in the direction he wanted. It was almost eerie to see how I was always in the right spot for others. Even stumbling upon this blog! I relish each opportunity he gives me and learn from it. But since my husbands multiple affairs, I find God to be silent. I feel no guidance and floundering no matter how still I become to receive his Word.
After over a year now I’ve become impatient on what to do. But I do know that this is bigger than me and He has His plan. I just wish He’d give me some sign! Lol. Thanks for being voices out there for me.
Well Here we are ladies….THose who are OF Him …meeting at the throne…that indeed is to be ‘gathered together ‘ in His presence.
His WORD is His voice…and through those who know Him and what HE has revealed in All scripture …it speaks loudly
He will perfect that which is concerning us. How comforting
To pray for our enemies…to bless those who curse you …to do good to those who despitefully USE you actually works in ways we may know not .
It may be that it deflects the very wicked , as in we ‘war not with flesh and blood’ our “sword of the spirit ..which is the WORD of GOD ” ministers WITHIN Us ..it IS His ‘voice’ in our thinking as the scriptures are brought to mind that we have ‘put on ‘ as in ‘putting on the mind of Christ …
We are to CAST DOWN vain imaginations …and EVERY HIGH thing that holds itself up against the knowledges of GOD ..” What a great enterprise WE have at our disposal ..and then GOD gets so much glory when that word does it’s work IN us .
We can but speak what we have seen and heard ..not in this temporal world ..but in the ‘realm of the spirit ..’ which window we have as we tap into the scriptures…and have them ABIDE in us…as we live by them
The pain ..the searing pain of our flesh ..well ..it is being ‘put to death’ by the sword of the spirit …it separates assunder …the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
God KNOWS our hearts when UNsubmitted.. and the sword reveals to us our need OF HIM ..to help us submit.
I wonder how many of us who are HIS are going through this firery trial for a purpose we know not ?
It is encouraging indeed to meet you all here….we are NOT alone…we may be ‘few’ in terms of those who are entering in the strait gate of Jesus CHRIST in truth …but we must continue …HE is our LORD ..and our husbands were married to us because WHO else would have stood in the gap for them as we just try to be faithful to the LORD who suffered and bought us ALL .
Those who were rebellious simply have played right into the hands of the devil ..the fallen ones as well who know not God/
God hates sinners every day scriptures say ..but all the hosts of heaven rejoice at the repentance of just one who turns and is responsive to the various ways that their consequences may call them to repent.
God is the only one who grants repentance…and so ..it is ..that suffering consequences of sin may cause one to turn to the Lord.
It would be actually a good thing to suffer the consequences of sin that one has committted and GOD has the best plan for allowing that
It is our prayers for the WILL of GOD to be done ..in the lives of our enemies that may allow them to wake up from their sins.
When I read about Pharoah …and God taking his restraining hand off of his heart …the result was Pharoahs evil heart motivated him to do things that then brought about GOd’s showing his GLORY through the plagues…the plagues were each one directly demonstrating God’s POWER OVER each of the Egyptian gods! …Remember that they worshipped the river Nile …so the water was turned to blood…they had a god of Frogs..and there was a plague of them …
In each of the plagues GOD demonstrated His power that was greater than the gods of man …
We live in a time when gods of man are everywhere ..including the flesh man …the beast …the creature ..who is now worshipped by many who worship the creature MORE than the Creator because they do not like to retain God in their knowledge as Romans 1 elaborates upon.
In each trial we can go back to the Word and ask God to teach us something …due to many of the trials I have had I have HAD to do this ..and am thankful in retrospect …the nuggets of wisdom I could not learn any other way …because I that situation caused me to want to know HOW to respond in the way that would be according to the Word of GOD for HIS glory ..
I could not do what I found so I got closer to the LORD
Indeed when we are ‘weak ‘ He is strong …even if we are NOT HAPPY >…the joy comes in the ‘morning ‘ it is the BEST ‘morning after’ that we hope in ..that of the ‘morning ‘ of eternity with Him
However in the meantime we are strengthened with those of like mind .
I have few to none …but that is ok ..GOD ALWAYS makes arrangements for fellowship for me ..as I asked him to …it is rare ..because each of us has had a path following the LORD that is alike but distinct within the body .
it is a mystery that seems to take a while in a wilderness walk with him …as there are few in the churches that are needing HIM ..and HIM only for a time
The many various people in the record of scripture were often alone with HIM for a while .
Be not dismayed ..these few posts are GOLDEN in their unique way of the way that now we have heard from four ..who know the grief …but also that know the comfort of listening to the wisdom of GOD.
This is no simple fleshly ‘fix’ by ‘techniques’ that many well meaning may offer …this is part of a walk that takes a close attending to the first things
First commandment…
First love ..
The LORD is not going to be ‘found ‘ by technique…but by obedient attending to HIS WORDS .
It is HIS chosen means of having His WORD / SPIRIT in us ..by way of our cooperative action to put it IN there ..and then it speaks to us ….comfort ..
Those “without ‘ are asleep…but whom the Lord loves he chastens betimes ..that he may purge out the dross of our lives…
How mercy works is that He told us there are NONE righteous NO not one however he has pursued us …loved us when we were unlovely ..and then he will not leave us filthy in our fleshly minded perspective but has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of HIM ..how about that !
He did his demonstration of HOW we are to FOLLOW HIM
Ugh ..to the ‘cross’ of his words…obeying them puts our flesh to death …it’s carnal influence dies as we continue to care more about doing what He tells us than what our flesh wants to move us to .
Thinking something is NOT doing ..but he told us to guard our hearts for out of it come the ISSUES of LIFE…so then if we are thinking HIS thoughts …his WORDS…we cannot be thinking the other stuff..
In a deep wounding it is difficult to think the WORD all the time but it is something we can grow in …after adultery …especially one that involves such long term or something like procreation it is especially challenging because EVERY THING of LIFE with our spouse has been touched by this sin.
ALL flesh is sinful …but followers of Christ seek to AVOID sin . To learn HOW to avoid situations that would give strength to our sinful flesh ..the old man …so we learn to FLEE fornication ..to choose to not make CLOSE ongoing friendships with those who are not interested in godly living ..
The post modern thinking has come up through the secularization of the church …the various secular humanist doctrines taught through government schools and many who do not know the commands of GOD as protective ..and the value of training up children to believe and know GOD through the scriptures…it IS a full time endeavor ..and that is why GOD told us to DO it ..and IN doing this we would find that we are drawn to study the BIBLE
I found that in my homeschooling ..because I wanted to make sure I taught my children what the Bible said ..and not just what I thought it said ..or someone else said …it took me INTO the scriptures
God uses giving us children to help us WANT to learn what HE wants us to learn ..it seems to me in retrospect …
it is interesting that in along with the Industrial Revolution that the family began to unravel ..men went from being with their families and working with their children in the fields and other work such as blacksmithing to the factories and after work the pubs….women lost their cottage industries to the factories..and thus had time for becoming involved with the budding sufferage movement…children were absorbed into factory work and eventually government schooling
The teaching of children was taken from fathers…and mothers..and given over to ‘experts’ ….John Gotti wrote a masterful huge book on the history of the Government schools that would curl your hair.
Anyway …as the training of children facilitated changing the world view of the coming generations it was only a matter of time before the culture was turned to think and live the way that those in control of cirriculum would desire ..It was fashioned after the Prussian model that was created by the scientists there when asked to produce a population that would be content with becoming workers…not too many being allowed to flourish in their upbringing to allow GOd’s investment within them to become too well developed.
So much that actually explains much of what we see now as result of turning people little by little from the truth …from trusting and leaning upon GOD ..and thus as we look at the pioneers for example where people DEPENDED upon GOD for protection , provision and thus …they remained in a responsive mode to the moral laws that GOD put in everyones heart.
Today it is hard to find people who are even concerned about godly morality …as situation ethics…and relativistic views are given and ‘equal ‘ place and actually directly fed through the education systems …media of all kinds ..and without the TRUTH of the WORD in minds…carnal minds will go along with anything ..be it comfort or discord…
The double minded man is UNSTABLE in ALL his ways ..and thus blown about by every wind of doctrine.
When our greatest goal is the next recreational moment .and industry and self control are rare ..we have thus become slaves of the state rather than servants and sons of the most High GOD …whose name is to be above all names….and at whose name EVERY knew shall bow .
and confess that HE IS LORD.
In truth even the sinner DOES proclaim that the BIBLE is truth ..in that even those who sin …confirm the truth about sin
IF they are given the grace to suffer in consequences they are indeed blessed…as WHO among us has not been turned from sin by our suffering from our own poor choices..
If they continue on in pleasure ..avoiding the consequences as we see often wealth provide the ability to avoid pain due to sin ..they may go on into eternity without realizing the need to repent.
it is NOT evil to identify sin as sin …and say so ..but if they will not hear you …you are without guit of silence …
I pointed out to my husband that if he wanted a woman who did not speak up when he was in danger he should return to his adulteress…she was all too happy to help him into danger and to keep him there as long as she could
He was foolish ..and blind ..as all who go headlong into this sort of thing
As James 1 points out that it is the LUST in our heart that leads us away …
But when we are tempted GOD has made a WAY to escape that we may bare it ..
Those who do not suffer will not realize ..and in some cases we see that GOD allows them to GO on with their sin ..
It is HIS judgment
He does not want ANY to perish but all to come to the knowledge of the truth but if they are hard hearted …stiff necked and will not turn …then we are to brush the dust ..still petition but after the second and third admonition we are to then allow that God will take them on .
I know this is difficult as I keep offering the word from where it comes up like a fountain ..and I believe it is what is ‘given ‘ as whatever is before me ..
what our husband’s do …EFFECTS our lives..GOd sees that but GOd works also within those who are filled up with HIS WORD ..and it comes forth
Yes he is husband ..a man but the word of GOD is not bound.
yes it is risky ..because those IN sin HATe the word ..it exposes what is IN them
Pray …and believe that whatever you say …if it is the words of truth …it will cut through the darkness …and pierce that tough crust..
In whatever you do …do not allow that you are condemned ..for
There is NOW no condemnation for those who are IN Christ JEsus …who WALK NOT according to the FLESH but according to the SPIRIT …for the SPIRIT is LIFE and PEACE.
If that is IN you …then the accuser is accusing of what IT is …
For if you are Christ’s there is NOONE who can accuse you before HIM as you walk ACCORDING to HIS WORDS>
SO how do you know if you are walking according to HIS WORDS>
YOU must STUDY ….read…ask HIM to help you keep what HE knows you need of the armour ..which eventually should be ALL scripture so it may counsel you …”talk with you as you walk along’
Do not be anxious that you do not have ‘time ‘ to get it ‘all ‘ HE will supply you with wisdom as James one says …if you lack it ..but do not ask amiss ..something that is not what HE told us He would provide …and do not waver ..ask Him to help you NOT to waver in your attitude TOWARD HIM
It is hard…we are often toss by our emotions…but the winds of doctrine that abound that are NOT OF HIM …will drop away as we allow HIS WORD to be the truth that it is …and not tainted by the varous things we hear , see , or feel that are NOT of HIS KINGDOM
But of this world ..which HE told us HE is NOT OF this world ..not of this earth …not earthly …not of corruptible ..but OF INCORRUPTABLE seed ….which seed is HIS WORD .
We must be planted ..and be fruitful …by the cleansing and watering of the WORD …
BE FILLED by HIS WORDS…daily …
Our emotions give us a lot of trouble in these times…but emotions are still NOT powerful enough to negate HIS love ..agape …words …living bread of life that came down from heaven
whew …I was on my way to bed…and stopped here to see what was going on …thank you for your wonderful heart felt words ladies…
it is a refreshing thing…you are in my thoughts ..and in His hand …
His
hello, my sisters, my heart is moved by the pain i hear from both your experinces, and i do agree that if one dwells on the evil done to him or her, then its almost like one stopped living.
I decided in my mind that since the only person i can control is ‘me’, therefore, i can only try to encourage the one that has desicrate the marriage vow and hope that God will have mercy on the spouse to get the fear of god in the heart and repent and make the right decisions. That is, to be faithful to god and the family according to the word of God.
A person who knows the word of God and forsake it, is very hard to convince otherwise, only god can change the hearts of men, doesnt matter what we say or do, will not change a hardened heart that loses the fear of God.
On the other hand if such person is given over to a reprobate mind, nothing can change except God the almighty who forgive sins and saves to the utmost, steps in the situation and overturn the plan of the enemy who comes only to steal, kill and to destroy.
So please take courage and trust God to heal u and give u the right attitude during this devastated and challenging time of your life.
God already knows it is not easy for the carnal flesh to go thru’ these demonic issues without saying the wrong thing, hating and being resentful. It takes one to move out of the flesh and walk in the spirit so that we will not fulfill the lust of the flesh to be revengeful in words and in deeds, so he said, ‘Lo, i am with you always’.
Remember, the people who trust in the Lord will never walk alone, so dont trust your feelings even when you feel there is no sign of God around, it is by faith you will see the victory ahead. Remember, the people who trust in the Lord is always on the winning side.
May heaven smile on u all and give u the grace to stand against the enemy of your souls in this trying time. Just hold on, be strong, its only a test. Help is on the way, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Wait on the Lord and he shall strenthen your heart! Wait i say on the Lord. I have found the word to be my rest. Psalm 37. is very encouraging. Love.
Hope in the Morning –
One more thing…..your husband and mine could be the same man………mine too puts his bastard child by the girlfriend before our marriage (We have sadly not had any children together, I have 2 girls from my first marriage & he was the only dad my youngest really ever knew). It really hurt me that I had lost a baby to an accidental fall about 2 months after our honeymoon and that November his “birthday present” to me was to reveal that he had a pregnant girlfriend. I’m ashamed to admit I was very angry at God for awhile. I felt like He had permitted her to have what had been taken from me, that which was my RIGHT as his wife. (I still feel inadequate in comparison to her in his eyes — he’s never actually said that, but I hear his lovey-dovey talk to the child on the phone & he never EVER “shmoozes” my youngest daughter that way, even though as I said, he’s the only dad she ever remembers). I swear he’s two people sometimes. I find that he is most short on words & patience with me when he’s been in her company…the guilt makes him uncomfortable when faced with my presence. Then there are times when he hasn’t been with her awhile — he tells me he “misses me” and “I’m still the one he wants to be married to”. Talk about CONFUSION! I don’t know from one day to the next which “twin” I’m going to see: the “good” one that is the man (almost) that I married, or the “evil” one who lives to hurt me further by being uncharacteristically cruel and cutting. I think I have died a thousand times inside since we seperated in November. It feels like bleeding to death slowly inside. And yet, I still love him and want to ‘SAVE’ our marriage if possible. You and Beth both have my prayers as well. It’s funny. The first “chat/forum” for the victims of cheating spouses I went onto seemed more like the “man-haters women’s club” and even THEY passed sentence & told me to “get out”. I thank God I have finally found someone else who respects the “for better or worse till death do you part” even though our husbands seemed not to hear the “forsaking all others” part. My spirit is comforted so much by reading your posts. I know that there are at least two other women out there living the same nightmare I’m in and trying not to let our misfortunes cause us to sin. Would I like to kill her? Oh yea, but that’s not the way God would have me behave. Has he hurt me so much I wouldn’t mind seeing HIM suffer a little in return? Oh for sure! But vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, I will repay. It’s not my place to judge him & pass sentence. This is a true test of our mettle when God asks us to pray for our enemies. It seems so unfair to pray for the women who have assisted our husbands in destroying our “happily ever after.” But again, it’s for God to judge their sins, not for us. Just as Beth said, who among us is without sin? Not me. If I might ask for one thing of you ladies, it would be to pray for me to be reconciled with God fully. I have never fully turned from His face, but I can’t HEAR Him the way I once could (and no, I’m not talking about “hearing voices” in that way. But God has used me in a powerful way in the past, as both a prophetess and a messenger. I long to hear His voice clearly again.) Who knows? Maybe that is what this trial by fire is all about for me………..growing closer to God. Handle with prayer….Please!
Beth and Hope in the Morning: I just got from your posts exactly what I needed from God. Isn’t it funny how wonderfully well that happens when we trust Him? I know exactly what you mean about feeling estranged/shunned even by people in the church. Talk about feeling ALONE! It seems like everyone that I normally would have sought out for comfort & support at a time like this has already been judge & jury on my cheating husband & decided “I’m better off without him.” Gee, thanks. As much as he’s hurt me, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try to salvage my marriage (even though the marriage counselor herself told me “You don’t have a marriage to salvage.” So I’ve just kept on praying & feeling alone, afraid at this point to talk to anyone else who wants to “comfort” me by recommending I scrap my marriage. I really believe that God brought us together, and my husband has strayed so far from his walk and truth be told, I haven’t exactly been a frequent attendee at church either. I know, before you say it, I have cut myself off from the greatest source of support I could have. I haven’t cut myself off from God, just haven’t been at church lately. Anyhow, on Valentine’s night (just after I figured I wouldn’t even get a phone call or a text message from hubby) — he calls me. He tells me that he can’t make it down (he’s in his own apartment since I told him to leave in anger Nov.8) but that he has something for me for Valentine’s Day. Needless to say, I was somewhat shocked. He told me he’d bring it by before class at noon on the 15th. Then I get a 5 a.m. call from him – he’s coming down NOW straight from work, so he can go back home to bed before class (he hasn’t been feeling well — fighting a fever). He comes up the front walk carrying something with BOTH hands. I was totally stunned to receive a vase full of red roses & purple freesia (purple’s my favourite colour), and a huge box of Russell Stover chocolates. We haven’t by any stretch of the word solved all our problems, but at least now I have some hope that when he told me I meant ZERO to him anymore – that wasn’t entirely true — or at least I hope not. Men are so much less thinkers as do-ers….a wise woman once said “Don’t listen to what a man SAYS, pay attention to what he DOES.” Well, he DID cheat on me (not once but twice). The first time I forgave him (even though a child came out of that liason). Now everyone tells me I’d have to be crazy to do so again. I am just trying to walk my walk. This is my second marriage — my first one DID end in divorce (he cheated and never held a job for more than 2 weeks). I don’t want that to happen again. He HAS agreed to see the marriage counselor, and we’ve already gone once together. We were SO very much in love when we married – we renewed our vows for our 2nd anniversary in the church I grew up in. Now after 4 years we find ourselves separated. I hope & pray that I can hold out emotionally to see what God has in store for us — my prayer is for Him to recall my husband to Himself, and let our marriage heal and be stronger. Maybe I AM crazy. God knows, I’ve thought so. I think everyone who finds themselves in this position questions their sanity at some point just from the shock & disbelief they experience….”this can’t be real, it’s a bad dream. He can’t REALLY mean he doesn’t love me anymore….” our own minds sort of shut off initially when it is too much to process all at once. I sure do wish us all three to find healing in whatever God has in store for us all. Thanks for listening.
Beth
I am waiting on my daughter…in addition to all of this …we are having to prepare our home to market…ugh ..moving AGAIN
Yes I understand your desire to have your husband be confronted by more than the wounds of his ‘wife’ In our society a woman is pretty much respected UNLESS she becomes ‘a wife’ …that is all part of the agenda to break up the foundation of the family which is the foundation of our country …been going on for a great deal longer than most realize….
Anyway …GOD does cause the appropriate EXPOSURE in terms of timing and who will know…and ultimately it is FOR your husband’s best opportunity to realize the depths of his own carnal nature and what it is capable of
The difference between believers and non believers …is for one thing ..believers have been brought to SEE their fallen condition and actually as we walk on with the LORD he shows us more and more the evil nature of fallen flesh …OUR OWN …ARGH! and then as we have seen that …we can recognize the same in others.
it is HIS judgment of FLESH …
Those who are not believers are not availing themselves to this process.
Cleaning my own home I want as much light as possible ..so I can see the dirt.
Our flesh is filthy …but without the light of the Word of GOD and believing that IT is the TRUE judgment of our condition we do not realize how ‘bad’ we are …Our flesh and living among those who also don’t see it from God’s position …for HE alone is HOLY …cannot see it and do not want to see it.
The fallen but unrighteous ones who have taken it upon themselves to become leaders and teachers …and that is not to say that those who are IN those situations are all of this seed…but indeed …without being open to the scriptures telling us what we are….including as we are claiming HIM …then the filth remains
I think that is why Jesus told those who were intending to be HIS were going to have to CONTINUE in His WORDs…in not just reading and knowing them but actually to have to submit to them
I know the sting of this process…and it is difficult …so when we then try to share what corrections we have been given …it does not go down so well with others…..mostly in this post modern time ..people do not even consider that what God has shown me for example through corrective living …that any of that should somehow be considered as what it may be that THEY might apply to their own person that they see in a mirror …but they may say something like …
” that is nice for YOU ….but everyone has the RIGHT to whatever they
want …and what they believe about GOD is just as valid…” some version of this ..
That is the content of what most think…what they feel or see and they do not consider GOD who is more than qualified and equipped to reveal the truth about all things ….starting with his children …and doing so FOR our BEST interest …to become as HE is …”be ye holy as I am holy ” …
The WORD is spirit ..and HOLY SPIRIT is PERFECT …it is HIS WORD IN US >..that is perfect…and it is THAT which is LIFe ..
So putting on His WORD and living by it …in opposition to our fleshly various feelings and vain imaginations is a WISE choice…not easy …but wise.
May you continue to remember that He will perfect that which is concerning you as you count on Him to deal with the man you are married to .
Hard to do …I SO understand this …I keep that word …and it COMES UP ..often to confront …
No matter HOW nicely we may speak the WORD ..IT in itself is the HOLY SPIRIT ..and THAT is OFFENSIVE to those who love darkness because their deeds are evil
They do not respect GOD but they fear man ,..fearing what others think they seek to conform to the standards of those around them
Todays culture is serving flesh and is proud of it …to conform to this world is DEATH but those who do not believe IN God will not be convinced to BELIEVE GOD …
They read the doubt that comes from knowing they are themselves liars into the Words of GOD ..doubting …being deceived.
What anyone sows they will reap
If we sow to the flesh we will reap DEATH ..that is what all who live by the flesh do …Death is the judgment upon all flesh from the FALL …
To be resurrrected WHILE we are yet living …we APPLY that salvation to the life …by way of the knowledge of Jesus Christ and then obey it …living in and by it ..that is what it is to BE a BELIEVER …
So many think believing or faith is a sort of fatelistic sort of passive state …faith is actually ACTING upon TRUTH …the TRUTH WHO is JESUS CHRIST …as you know.
We thus may actively trust Him by obeyiing what we DO know to do ..which is usually NOT what we FEEL like ..our feelings are mostly generated by our fallen flesh
Not all our feelings are unrighteous however ..anger when violations of moral law are done…are actually things GOD is angry with every day
I did a study looking at the difference between transgression and trespass …there seems to be some distinction in the usage…one is intentional rebellious , willful sin …and the other seems to be unintentional
It is like the difference between a child who stumbles as he is learning to walk .and one that knows how to walk and then walks deliberately into trouble …
Anyway …keep an eye on the LORD ..As one woman put it …she submits to GOD and while she is bending down the ‘arm of correction ‘ passes over HER and lands upon her husband …
Hahaha ..something like “DUCK ! ” ….and the ‘hit’ lands on he who is not LISTENING .!
I hope in Christ ..and keep speaking and doing whatsoever is coming up from within where I have sown the WORD …
Caring out my own part is tough ..especially when alone.
Jesus said FEW would be saved….and it seems the illustration is throughout the WORD …He came that WHOMSOEVER WILL …but how many are even willing to hear …
There were only 8 souls saved in the ARK >..
It is not arrogant to say so …it seems GOD is giving us the truth in terms of why we see so many decieved and living without concern for learning anything about GOD from the pages of HIS testimony …[both of them]
It takes TIME and EFFORT ..just like MARRiAGE displays…
Relationship takes TIME and EFFORT ..and DESIRE because of LOVE …
Ours with GOD …and when married. ..with ones spouse.
Husbands were directed by GOD to follow HIS WORDS about a relationship with HIM ..and with the wife ..
When a man does not care to know GOD …and has no higher authority than himself ..it is going to be hard to get him to love his WIFE …sacrificially …He will be double minded …and be blown about by all the other options .
Still it is so difficult to live with this …I wish I had known more about this before marriage. ..I thought I did …I thought I had evaluated my husbands character by the Biblical standards….I did not realize that a testimony of overcoming was something I should have taken note of …I took HIS WORD for his faith and his walk was short lived,.
As soon as the various pleasures and offerings came to him ..he declined from the Lord ..and ceased to care about what his choices meant in terms of outcome.,
I have to get on with packing ..I will try to get that email address soon…Take heart…
Perhaps what you and I share will be helpful to others here …if they do not mind us using this venue to share our thoughts as we go through this …
I so appreciate this blog…it is THE MOST helpful because we are not being censored …
People may not agree with what we are sharing …but it is so cleansing to be able to let it out …and I realize it is A LOT …I feel sometimes like a broken record…why do I feel I must talk so much ?
I think it is for the purpose of trying to put all of what I DO know together for some kind of closure …but sometimes I think it will never end…Then I look back and realize that even though the pain is still there …through much of this I have actually had some truths become more and more defined …and in application to this ..
There is nothing lost to those who follow the LORD …and HE went through a lot worse sorrow than this ..we are sharing in what true heartbreak is ..and we can expect a holy end if we will continue and not become wearing in well doing
If we are obedient to HIM …no one can accuse us before HIM and having any evidence against us …
WHO shall hold anything against those who walk submitted to HIM?
No one…Keep on His Way…
Thanks Glory — I look forward to hearing from you. Its comforting to share with someone who is in the same experience right now. I agree that others too often don’t want to get involved; however I had to tell SOMEONE! I feel like he’s “getting away” with it and the evil side of me wanted to expose him for the fraud he is. He’s created this great con — conning everyone, conning God, conning himself.
Hugs today to you.
Beth ….Thank you …I copied your email address…I am a little nervous to reveal my email address…I think I will make one just for us to talk in ..my kids tell me to do so …I hope you don’t mind….anyway ..I DO appreciate the invitation to get to chat more …As far as your experience at church….it is not as useful as one might think to reveal things to people just because they go to church …in fact many there are not really equipped to handle such knowledge ..even many marriage therapists don’t really know how to deal with adultery …
The word of GOD is not something everyone has eaten with zeal or regularity …
Many will not want to become involved ..and maybe that is for the best.
It is a very lonely situation we are in. ..but GOD is greater than our pain and greater than the situation.
we have grown up in a culture where we have thought that we need an ‘expert’ ….I don’t know about you …but much of what God assigned to parents has been taken over by some kind of institution ..
Anyway …i will be glad to get in contact with you ….my daughter is going to help me get an email address just for the two of us ….if that is OK let me know ..
Thanks again and keep your chin up …think of it this way …if someone is retreating from you as you have experienced perhaps the LORD is providing you with protection too …
The more people involved sometimes the more confusion results…
Keep at the throne …
Hugs
Gloryinthemorning: I, too, feel so isolated with my emotions and no one to share with. These sites say to talk with pastors, friends, counselors, etc., but like you, I find that once I do so, people then tend to act like I have the plague and avoid me! Even with friends from church last week: as the wife asked me how it was going (she was my once confidant), her husband butt in and told her (in front of me), “don’t get any more information.” I was devastated. I thought I could trust them. Now I know that they have taken sides and I see where the line in the sand is. No one crosses to my side. As victims in these situations, its astounding to see how others perceive the adulterer as the one who should be easily forgiven for their actions. Our actions, as victims, in response to the shock, are unforgiveable apparently and to be shunned.
Please contact me at bethkf@hotmail.com so we can at least know we have one other soul in this world who can understand.
Again… hugs to you as well, sister!
Beth …
You are a perfect example of what a few kind and empathic words can do for someone in pain. Thank you so much! I keep rereading your words. “my heart goes out to you” …simple words…yet the first I have heard from anyone in this …it is a ‘secret’ that is hard to bare but it seems that it is necessary to keep because if it were to be made known abroad we would be in worse financial state than we already ARE>
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Having been in my walk thinking it best to offer comfort rather than share my pain …and to offer the word rather than the various ways my heart is breaking ..it is so refreshing to be on this site where I CAN say what is hurting and also share from that experience and have what is said at least CONSIDERED …
I also believe that it is important to share my ‘weaknesses ‘ and ‘needs’ with others…but in the rare areas of this I have shared it has been not that useful …when my neighbor in our new neighborhood came to my home and picked up on my weight loss and various other things that tipped her off ..she came on a day when I was freshly raw with the new discovery …and I broke down when she probed to try to learn why our home was STILL in disarray and not put in order after our move in ..many months later.
SHe had been raised in an abusive home and worked in a woman’s shelter so she suspected a troubled woman …My husband has never been abusive in any of the ways many have been …but you know the terrible pain in your heart upon discovery and then trying to keep it from destroying the whole family ..and the work that is needed to support all of it.
Anyway I told my husband that it had been exposed ..despite my not having wanted to let any of our neighbors know …and she was sworn to keep it to herself ..which she has ..but that was the end of any friendship with them due to my husband’s shame
Then when I tried to get some counsel from our new pastor …my husband refused to go any more to church …
He is shamed and we are not able to get help …we tried a therapist and that was pretty much for me to vent….when my husband went he feel asleep ..so it was pretty much just expensive venting for me …
I have read someone put this process a lot like a death ..but without the supportive network of people who KNOW what you are dealing with …
It is very lonely …we get along ok …but it is an empty state ..when we talk about my feelings …he either dozes…or gets angry ..he does not like to answer questions …and feels that I have enough information ..and most of his lengthy time he just says ‘ it was an affair …what do YOU THINK we did !” …when I ask for details
I find it hard to hear without feeling my blood begin to boil ..since it was so deliberate ..and not in the ‘fog ‘faze that people talk about that supposedly passes within a few years.
She found a crack in his character and took full advantage and entered in ,,made her ‘home’ there …it reminds me of the scripture story of the house that was cleaned and failing to outfit it with the holy spirit …seven demons worse than the first entered in and made their abode!
Anyway ..I thank you so much for some ‘awwww’ …sometimes I feel like I cannot get enough sympathy! What a baby eh!
So I try to encourage others…but this ongoing drain on our income for her ‘needs’ makes it so hard on a monthly basis….we just seem to be getting somewhere and then …he pays out ..what I feel and the system has deemed a GREAT OVERAGE in child support.. .while we are now in a state of selling off whatever we can to stay afloat!
Will this cause him to repent ? I wonder…as you say ..God was not surprised by any of this ..and in fact he TOLD us the outcome of willful sin …it is a disaster ..but my husband ignored it ..thought he was somehow immune …
Deception is a terrible tool to destroy us by our own fleshly desires unbridled by the Word of GOD
Today we spoke and the idea of who you OWE came up.
God paid the price for ALL of us ..not just for our sin and took the penalties we could not ever pay …but he BOUGHT US ….’
We are NOT our own
Then in marriage the man literally receives ONE of GOd’s WOMEN and promises to take all the responsibilty for her care and any of their children upon himself ..
God gives the man ONE WOMAN ..and the jurisdiction which empowers him to provide and carry out all of what GOD commands of that man to do …and in the DOING and OBEYING he thus is matured in every profitable way …and it is a glory to GOD
My husband and many others seem to think of marriage makes what is availabe FROM the woman a RIGHT ,..and that she is there to PROVIDE for HIM
This is NOT the message of the scriptures…it is MAN who is given the responsibility to do as GOD tells him and in the RESPONSIVE design of the woman THEN all of what he would receive is from his OWN SOWING according to the laws of marriage ..
He is told to be as CHRIST in sacrificial giving to his bride…laying down his life …for her..
I did not write this …it is the WORD to the HUSBAND .
In addition Christ went FIRST
It is found in many marriage manuals and church seminars…that both man and woman are told to do this …
We think so do we ?
The BIBLE lays the responsibilty to do this upon the husband
Both are to submit to the LORD.
If christian we are to marry a christian ..I thought I did ..but in the length of my study to find out what I am supposed to do to respond to this wreckage ..I see that I took a LOT of what I was not even designed to do upon myself …I took the ‘blame’ for his distancing ..his lack of initiative ….his lack of wanting to be with me …relating to me …to be INVOLVED in the marriage and with our children
IN retrospect it was the WORD that when the rubber met the road HE declined to be involved with ..and since I was continuing to follow the LORD it was the offense of the WORD in my life ..as I was brought along to find many things that were not useful to the working out of salvation …making it difficult to do what the WORD tells the wife to do
I remember asking the Lord ..HOW do I respect and show honor to a husband who reviles and mocks you LORD?
That is a tough question …I led a life of more and more ‘adjustment ‘ to trying to keep GOD first and obey HIM …while doing my best to be available to my husband ..that meant being at home rather than many of the things many women do to live out their potential in many areas ,,.including any fellowship with other believers.
I continued to share the WOrd ..it was my LIFE before I met my husband in a very public and free sharing way …so if we were at a party and someone was talking with me and asked me what I was ‘into ‘ …you KNOW my answer. …
As I shared he would observe me talking with the person and imagine I had pinned them down with my sharing my various stories of how the LORD was working in many of the various situations of my life…they are actually pretty entertaining ….but he was worrying about what those people would think of HIM …
When he commented that some people had been asking about his wife and her faith ..he asked that I stop talking about Jesus .. I asked him what he was worried about …it is not like people cannot excuse themselves or change the topic of conversation or even just walk away …these are all very intelligent people …some of whom I learned years later had come to CHrist and even some gone into ministry !
His insecurity or need to control drove him to leave me OUT of his life …unless absolutely necessary …he would take me along to things he had to and then leave me immediately to find other people to spend the evening with .
He was disloyal and sided with others to protect his own image.
His image was all important to him ..he brought the best of everything FOR his own use…usually just before hosting a party that he wanted to bring people over to ..other than that we lived with handmedowns..and things from various relatives estates….it was fine with me ..I had early one developed that idea that I would find it interesting to see what GOD would bless us with rather than shopping for things…
ANyway …I digress…what is my point? Ah …I forget …that happens a lot now ..the stress of sorrow works on the mind I guess ..sorry
I try to stick with the scriptures on here ..it seems best ..and more useful to people maybe ..it IS powerful because it is LIVING …
Somehow I feel lately a weight of more need to share the things I cannot share with anyone else ..and do not feel it is really all that helpful ..
Your sharing of your sorrow DOES however give some solace in that it seems we are not alone…and being of the like faith is helpful …it is one of those trials I wonder if it is just something that is preparing me to leave the world without regret or any attachment! What a thought!
I am sure the isle of Patmos was not all that pleasant for John …yet he received some incredible revelation there just before he departed …and he was joyful …ok …I need to get a grip and ask the LORD to enable me to respond with the joy of what is set before me …
Thanks you again ..hugs
To Morning: My heart and prayers go out to you. I think all of us on this board have deep emotions of anger, and especially sorrow. I have such an all consuming sadness, as you said, that my spouse is facing a greater loss of God’s will for him. It’s hard to stand on the side lines and watch others make a train wreck of their lives — powerless to do anything for them, for they refuse to listen to reason. I was advised to stop praying that my husband change or stop his behavior, but rather pray that his eyes are opened so that he can acquire wisdom on his own. That’s all I can do.
Hang in there. We have to trust in God’s plan for us. I know His plan was not for me and my children to be hurt, but in the greater scheme of things — maybe this was about my husband and not me. Maybe it was about being supportive of my husband as he struggles with his issues. It just sucks that in doing so, I became a casualty of his infidelity. Despite the low self esteem I suffer, I do know I’m strong enough to weather this.
Thanks for the reply Beth …tonight I just needed SOMEONE to say SOMETHING . It is so infuriating . We are in dire straits…and he is adamate….I see in the Word where sometimes GOD just lets people go their way …and I need to just remember GOD will continue to protect those who trust in Him and obey Him
For a while it was difficult to know WHAT I should do within the righteousness of the WORD …in terms of what HE did ..He actually lived in the context of a ‘psuedo marriage ‘ arrangment .
I burns me up the women that are conning men in these ways in this day and time …THEY WANT it this way …all the goodies and none of the responsibilities or work …
She is free to date ..or marry or go out and get some man to support her as well as having tied my husband financially for many years to come….probably the rest of MY lifetime …
I have to remember that though I am broken hearted with many of my hopes and dreams of a marriage that was what God would work in with TWO who loved HIM and were concerned about learning how to love within a marriage while honoring HIM …are gone…it is difficult to believe that this is what it is .
He is stiff necked…hard hearted but it is at the same time that he is kind , soft spoken ..and concerned about others.
It is a very weird sort of personality that I feel I am married to .
He is not dual personality …I am sorry to hear that that is what YOU are dealing with .
This is a man who believe he is the one making all the rules…and it kind of goes along with the kind of ‘god’ that is being put forth in many of the churches where there is no acknowledgement of the just side of GOD ..the side that DOES expect us to respond obediently to His commands …not as if we are saved by works but we who are trusting in Him do see HIs call to obey Him
It is part of loving HIM
God’s love demands some change …not to allow sin and then try to say it is ‘forgiven ‘ so we can go on to make up our own rules
Humanism has crept in and now the only aspect of God that many people think of is ‘love’ ../.but it is a love that is not truely of GOD ..it allows sin!
Our family now is suffering a LOT of losses due to his feeling that he MUST take care of this woman …
I used to hear that a man should not put his children before his wife
This senario we are dealing with is my husband putting HER children before the welfare of his wife AND our children
Many here are having a similar situation …it is CHAOS and certainly NOT LOVE …because as the scriptures say ..” Love does no ILL to his neighbor’ …When godly priorities are not adhered to …all suffer.
He would rather see us lose everything so he can try to make his conscience clear …I say SHE pushed to have children ..SHE should take that responsibility on ..she has more access to various kinds of income and loans that we do .
It is crazy ..sorry for ranting
I see everyone here has their own reasonable depth of sorrow and anger.
One thing I also see is that the command to pray for our enemies…and to do good to those despitefully use you ..as in some sense…it is actually more ON THEM …if they do not turn from sin
In the end …they cannot say GOD and even those they sinned against did anything to justify their selfishness and wickedness.
We are born into sin ..we are all prone to sin …but not all people SEEK to sin against GOD and others..
That is a category worthy of study in the WORD to see the distinction .
There are even those who are noted as those who are created for the very purpose of God in that they are vessels of dishonor …I believe Jude records such.
I was brought up to believe everyone was GOOD …and the Bible denies this ..we all start out in darkness…and sin ..and dead…and until we come to Christ we have NOTHING GOOD about us.
Deception is in the heart of fallen man ..
It poisons our every point of view…
That is why we need a THOUGHT “transplant ‘ by putting on the mind of Christ …being renewed in the spirit of the mind ..and then WALKING IN IT .
I struggle with this …because the world glorifies all who APPEAR to be good ..while doing all kinds of evil …being icons of sensuality and it is not until we come to Christ and he shows us OURSELVES that we see what we are up against WITHIN
And when we come to HIM in TRUTH ..we begin to experience the rejection and the hatred that man has for HIS SPIRIT which is living IN those who endeavor to obey HIm
It is definitely a narrow walk …those who claim HIM but are not willing to do justice ..or speak what is true in all matters. ..wrest judgment and whenever judgment is delayed…justice is denied.
In this world we have many trials ..and many various temptations to act OUT of our flesh ..the anger is one that is difficult for the spirit of the LORD is angry with sinners EVERY DAY …yet he is merciful …BUT he DOES demand that those who KNOW to do good DO it …or else it is still sin ..
Those who reject his OFFER of SALVATION or make their own ‘brand’ of scripture according to gnosis …are not OF HIM
They preach love without truth ..and that works iniquity …
No amount of “good works’ will save anyone who is not obeying the LORD in those things which he has set forth as necessary to do
KEEP MY WORDS…MY COMMANDMENTS and LIVE
So then …I thank you …in anger I struggle with continuing …but it is not just anger at my husband but an anger in that if he WILL NOT hear ..he will perish ! That eternity is a very real prospect and those who resist the truth and exhange it for what pleases flesh will die IN their sins..
So I am not just angry …I am sad …because this is about MORE than our happy ending …our marriage …it is for his SOUL.
If a man can do this while seeing his family suffer …for the sake of someone that EVEN GOD would rather have him not intermeddle with .,..then it is a sad state of mind that man has.
He is lost …without hope …and prayer may be the ONLY way to live with any kind of peace…for it is in the sight of the LORD and HE is seeing it …and is able to do whatsoever …man has been GIVEN the opportunity ..it is in HIS ‘court ‘ to respond with humility to the LORD and learn to do what is right ..or to go his own way .
It is hard to be in this ….as you well know ….it is my ‘pity party ‘ tonight …once a month when he shells out more money to her…and we sink deeper in debt ..
Gloryinthemorning:
I understand your point completely. It’s so easy to kick someone to the curb because they have sinned. But who among us has not sinned? Is one sin “worse” than any other? Jesus says no. My husband, through lots of counseling, was eventually diagnosed with a mental disorder, as well as mutliple personalities. Does that excuse the sin? I say no. But does that mean I kick him when he’s down — where the Devil has him? I may never forgive him, but I, too also made the vow “for better or worse”. Yes, he cheated on me. Yes, he sinned. Yes, I hate him. Yes, I may never forgive him. But, I, unlike my husband, honor my vows.
As I joke to my friends: “I married for better or worse….I’m just waiting for the better part to come along.” Or: “We’ve been happily married for 2 years. We’ve been married for 15 years, but only happy for 2.” If I don’t joke, I may just cry all the time.