Recovering from an affair is a harrowing experience for the cheating victim. You feel mortally sick, with no part of your being escaping unscathed.
In this blog, I’ll offer you advice on how to go about successfully recovering from an affair and regaining your strength – using a well-used, well-respected recovery concept. Keep reading…
Recovery: An Affair’s Multifaceted Layers
Body, mind and spirit are all involved in the process of recovering from an affair. The mind affects the spirit and the body, and this is what your mind is struggling with:
- Negative thoughts and images
- Questions with no easy answers
- Loss of security
- Recurring affair memories
It’s an internal torture inflicted on you by the actions of the person you thought would never harm you: your spouse.
Recovering from an affair involves healing at many different layers, each one unique to you as an individual and your personal situation. It’s understandable if you feel overwhelmed, or even lost, when it comes to healing from the pain caused by your spouse’s betrayal.
How to Survive an Affair has sold over 20,000 copies and we have hundreds of written testimonials that have told us that Dr. Gunzburg’s program was the single reason they survived.
- Regain your self-esteem after the affair…
- Replace the anger, depression and sadness…
- Forgive your spouse and get a heart-felt apology…
- Rebuild the trust from the ground up…
- Open the lines of communication…
- Eliminate the negative thoughts…
- End the affairs for good…
- Make the relationship better than ever…
You can – and will – heal from this horrible nightmare, using the concept that is successfully utilized by people experiencing different forms of recovery, which we’ll address next.
An Enduring Recovery Concept
When you look at what seems to be an overwhelming problem, the challenges can appear to be insurmountable. That’s because you’re looking at the whole picture. You can’t imagine, coming from the place of pain now, how you’ll ever arrive at a place of healing.
In recovery programs, there is a pledge that those participating in recovery take things “one day at a time.” It takes what seems to be an enormous challenge and makes it easier to handle by breaking it down.
This is why the idea of taking things one day at a time is useful in post-affair recovery: it limits the timeframe that you need to concern yourself with. Instead of thinking about where you’ll be a year from now, you need only think about how you will manage today. Instead of feeling pressured to repair the marriage, fix your emotions, control your thoughts and erase bad memories – and sustain it for the next so many months – you instead look at what you need to take care of today.
The weight doesn’t seem as crushing when you think of how many hours you have in a day, how you are feeling today, and what needs attending to most urgently right now. Healing is a process, and there are no switches to flip that make you feel “right” all at once. It’s a process that evolves over time, in steps, stages, fits and starts.
Here are three tips to help you with planning how you will manage today, supporting yourself as you process the emotional pain you’re experiencing:
Tip 1: Journal
When your mind and heart are overflowing with pain, you need someplace to channel it all. An effective tool for managing this outpouring of emotional upheaval is through the use of a journal – either writing on paper or typing out a computer document.
Journaling is used in many therapeutic modalities, from people recovering from cancer to those recovering from other traumatic events. And don’t underestimate the traumatic nature of an affair. By using a journal, you can release those pent-up feelings and thoughts that feel stuck in a vicious spiral inside of you. It’s like opening a valve on a pipe filled with steam: it provides relief from the pressure you are feeling.
Tip 2: Self-nurture
If ever there was a time to give yourself extra attention, it’s now. You need kindness, patience and love during this emotionally-charged time. Look after yourself each day, treating yourself with the respect and care you deserve.
Maybe it’s a daily bath ritual, or a lunch ritual that includes your best china, cloth napkins and crystal water glasses. The point is to nurture yourself, the way you would a friend who is suffering through a crisis. This is the time to be your own best friend.
Tip 3: Rekindle an interest or hobby
When you’re being haunted by affair thoughts and memories, it helps to distract yourself in positive ways so that your world doesn’t feel completely consumed by pain.
Think about applying some time each day to an interest or hobby that has brought you pleasure in the past. Immersing yourself – even briefly – each day will give you a healthy, positive distraction from the anguish of post-affair pain.
My best to you as you go through the process of recovering from affair pain and healing from all that you have been through.
How are you recovering from affair pain?
Do you find yourself lost in a spiral of negative thoughts and emotions?
Have you been taking care of yourself, or have you struggled with being your own best friend?
Please share your ideas and personal experiences on this topic with other members of the community.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,