Wish you could go permanently numb to escape the pain of shattered emotions?
You’re not alone. Many who want to survive affair trauma wish they didn’t have to feel so much pain in the process.
You need to understand the two of the top Emotional Roadblocks to Healing you’ll have to cope with in order to survive affair damage and move forward. Keep reading…
Is there Hope for Surviving Affair Devastation?
Learning of a spouse’s affair is a devastatingly traumatic blow. Victims of cheaters wonder if they’ll ever feel “normal” again.
It’s hard to imagine “normal” after the seemingly mortal blow of a spouse’s infidelity. But the vast majority of affair victims do go on to survive affair devastation and rebuild their lives – often better than ever before.
When it comes to a spouse’s cheating, many feel caught off-guard. If you think about it, this isn’t so dissimilar from other traumatic events that happen to people including job loss and the death of close family members. When news like this comes seemingly out of nowhere, your coping mechanisms are scrambling to do just that: cope.
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First, you have to work through all of the emotional response that you’re experiencing as a result of learning your spouse cheated on you. You’re left with a wide range of questions:
- Will our marriage survive?
- Will I survive this?
- How could I have believed in him/her?
- How could my spouse do this to me?
- Who is the paramour, and what does she have that I don’t?
These can be considered some of the initial shockwaves that affair victims first go through. It’s a means of putting down a foundation beneath one’s feet again, trying to find answers so there is some solid ground upon which to stand.
Many victims want answers, and some want specifics related to actual affair details. If you haven’t already been grilling your spouse for those specific details, I recommend you hold off. Right now, you have all you can handle dealing with just the news of the affair and the inner emotional turmoil. These emotions, if not addressed, can actually become roadblocks to healing.
Two of the Top Emotional Roadblocks to Healing
It’s completely natural to have reeling emotions in response to a completely unnatural situation. Some affair victims describe their spouse’s actions as being similar to a kick in the gut. You can be left feeling physically sick along with the psychological and emotional damage that has been wrought.
But the emotional effects can linger long after the others if you don’t face them and effectively cope with them.
Here are 2 of the top emotional roadblocks you must work through to survive affair devastation:
Emotional Roadblock 1: Jealousy
Getting caught up in this emotional roadblock can lead to a long-term shedding of your self-esteem – which has already taken a blow. Certainly, jealousy is a normal reaction: you’re completely within your rights to feel jealous about your spouse showering attention on someone other than you.
But there are other dangers associated with jealousy, namely – striking out in a rash manner in order to feel better about yourself. It’s a one-way ticket to more pain, leaving you with regrets over your own actions in addition to the sadness and pain you feel over your spouse’s actions.
When you are overwhelmed with feelings of jealousy, I recommend you use a journal to “act out” your feelings. It’s a safe place to do so, allowing you to release the pent-up frustration as well as get out of your system ideas of revenge, etc. without actually acting on those thoughts and feelings.
Emotional Roadblock 2: Uncertainty
As you saw in the example questions above that affair victims often wrestle with, many have to do with uncertainty for the future.
Of course, even if their spouse never had an affair, there are no guarantees for the future. But an affair puts a devastating spin on a person’s sense of security that their life is set on a certain path.
It’s hard to feel stable after you learn of a spouse’s affair, but you do have areas of your life that are stable. Again, using your journal, write down different aspects of your life that you consider to be stable at the moment. Maybe it’s your career or business, or your friendships. Create a list to refer back to for those times when it feels there is no stability or security in your life.
My best to you as you work to survive affair devastation and cope with the emotional roadblocks to healing.
How has the affair affected your emotions – which ones did you initially struggle with?
What has your spouse’s affair done to your self-esteem? Your sense of security?
What emotional roadblocks are you currently working through?
Please share your ideas and personal experiences on this topic with other members of the community.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,