Why do women have affairs?

Often, men will blame themselves. “It must have been something I did – or didn’t – do.”

After the revelation of a spouse’s affair, these are common victim questions and answers. In this blog, you’ll learn why women have affairs, and how to stop an affair from happening again – even if you can’t change the past. Keep reading…

A Good Answer for Why Women Have Affairs

Every man who has been cheated on has probably asked the question, “Why do women have affairs?”

It’s a simple question, with no easy answers. Sure, there are lots of reasons given. Here’s a sampling:

  • Wife got bored
  • Wife needed more attention
  • Females need more emotional connection

In theory, these all sound plausible, but it discounts one very important fact: not all women cheat.

Therefore, these answers really don’t hold up, because if they were truly good reasons, then they would be applicable to all women, all the time.

The answer that is most difficult to swallow is also the truth: it’s a matter of personal character. Now, that’s hard for the cheater to hear, and sometimes, for the victim to accept. It’s easier to believe there is some reason that pushed the cheater to cheat.

But no one forced your spouse to cheat. If your spouse was forced, then that is rape – not infidelity.

Why women have affairs (and men, too) is because they make the choice to cheat. The answer isn’t any more complicated than that.

If a woman wants to have an affair, she will make the choice between going through with it and forgetting her vows and pledge to her spouse, or remembering her vows and the fact that she values his marriage, she will remain faithful to him.


End the Affair NOW and Save Your Marriage from Divorce

An affair is a traumatic experience that devastates not only your marriage but your self-esteem. Only 30% of marriages survive an affair. Prevent your divorce by discovering:

  • How to feel normal again… today
  • How to get the details
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If you don’t discover the specific steps you must take, you may not survive.
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Protect Marriage from Future Harm

Once an affair has taken place, it’s up to the cheater to make amends and decide to never again make such a choice. The cheating spouse has primary responsibility for erecting the protective barriers so that she – the cheater – never crosses over into that territory again.

Here are some tips for what the cheater can do, as well as the victim of the affair, to ensure proper boundaries are set up and maintained:

Tip 1: Assess Your Weaknesses

This is more for the cheating spouse, but no one is exempt from temptation. Therefore, what is your personal danger zone that could lead you astray?

The cheater needs to look at the events that led up to the point of the affair and analyze where they got off track, placing them in a position that created such a choice to begin with. If you know where your danger zone lies, it’s easier to avoid it in the future, which is a personal boundary that you can enforce to protect your marriage from future harm.

Tip 2: Discuss Boundaries as a Couple

You and your spouse should sit down together – once a lot of the work of post-affair recovery has been done – and decide, as a couple, what the boundaries should be for your marriage.

What often happens is one spouse has one idea of appropriate marriage boundaries, while the other spouse has something completely different in mind.

For example, does your spouse have a lot of friends of the opposite sex? If this is troubling to you, or you feel it threatens your marriage, explain to your spouse why you feel that way. Express where you think it could easily cross over into infidelity territory, and together decide how best to erect an appropriate boundary so your marriage is protected from harm.

Tip 3: Keep Communication Lines Open through Transparency

Don’t forget the importance of something we’ve looked at repeatedly: the idea of transparency. When you and your spouse constantly communicate about what you’re doing, where you’re going, what happened during your day, you make it more challenging to “hide” things from each other.

Part of the “success” of conducting an affair is the secrecy involved. An affair incubates in that dark, hidden area of your life that you don’t choose to share. If you practice a strict discipline of transparency, there isn’t space for secrecy, nor for an affair situation to plant itself and grow.

My best to you as you recover from the trauma of an affair and prevent one from ever happening again.

Have you and your spouse discussed boundaries to protect your marriage?

Do you agree that women and men cheat because of a character issue? Or, do you think there are other reasons for cheating?

What threatens your marriage right now?  

Please share your ideas and personal experiences on this topic with other members of the community.

Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,

Stephanie Anderson


Marriage Sherpa

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