A spouse’s affair can make you lose your identity. It can be such a shock to the system, you really don’t know what’s what anymore: who are you? Who is your spouse? Who is this paramour of your spouse?

Many affair victims become consumed with curiosity about their spouse’s lover. It can become an obsession, and if you’re the victim, you may find yourself feeling competitive against this person.

Let’s look at some warning signs that you’re competing against the paramour – and how it may be pushing your spouse away from rather than toward you.

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