Adultery: Trusting Your Spouse After the Affair

March 17th, 2011

So you may not be able to say at this moment, “I 100% trust my spouse.” But if you were to discover that you could trust your spouse 25%, 50%–or even 75%, how would that make you feel about the chances of success for saving your marriage?

The shockwave of an affair is widespread: your feelings are crushed, your heart aches, and your marriage foundation has crumbled into pieces.

But what many victims of an affair find most devastating is having their trust in their spouse and in their marriage vows destroyed. Nothing annihilates trust like a spouse’s affair. You know that without trust, efforts to save your marriage are doomed.

In this blog, we’re going to look at 3 forms of trust in a relationship, and how to rate how much trust you really have in your spouse.

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The #1 Way to Overcome Obsessive, Post-Affair Images

March 7th, 2011

What’s playing in your mind today? Is it the same thing that played there yesterday? And do you really look forward to seeing it again tomorrow?

I’m talking about obsessive, post-affair images. If you are the victim of an affair, it’s highly likely that you’re experiencing a non-stop show of images that include your spouse and your spouse’s paramour. These images play themselves repeatedly, until you feel like you’re going to lose your mind.

These images become obsessive in nature, because they’ve gripped you and you can’t seem to release their hold over you. In this blog, we’ll look at the #1 way to overcome these obsessive images—and the three steps to help you accomplish it.

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How to Get Over an Affair by Controlling Your Mind

February 28th, 2011

Many people injured by their spouse’s affair say they feel like they’re losing their mind.

In a sense, you are—but it’s not permanent. What you’ve really lost is temporary control of your own thoughts. You’ve been dealt an emotional and psychological blow: you found out that the person you love and trust has committed adultery—and it has hit you like a punch to the gut. Your mind is overrun with negative thoughts, leaving you feeling exhausted, miserable and unhappy.

You’ve been broadsided by the revelation of the affair, and you need time to process this completely unexpected turn in your relationship. In this blog, I’ll share with you some ways to get your thoughts back under your control, and put an end to those negative thoughts.

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Is Your Spouse Lying, or Telling the Truth?

February 21st, 2011

Your spouse lied in order to carry on an affair, whether it was one time or over an extended period of time. The cheater either told deliberate lies, or lied by omission, or some combination of the two.

Now you’re trying to reconcile with your spouse and save your marriage. But the question lingers: Is my spouse lying to me, or is he/she telling the truth—this time?

In this blog, we’re going to explore the after-effects of lying as related to an affair, and the 2 critical dimensions needed to rebuild trust and honesty in an effort to save your marriage and survive the affair.

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The 3 Necessary Ingredients for Falling in Love Again

February 14th, 2011

After an affair, when your marriage has been through a meltdown, you may wonder how to pick up, move forward—and feel love for your spouse once again.

Maybe you’ve done the work necessary to save and rebuild your marriage: worked through negative thoughts and images, and gotten off the emotional rollercoaster to something resembling solid ground. Many couples want to know: how do I fall in love with my spouse again?

In this blog, I’ll give you three key ingredients that need to be in place in order to be successful at finding love once more with your spouse.

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How to Survive an Affair and Conquer Roadblocks to Healing

February 7th, 2011

The inner struggle a victim of an affair goes through is indescribable—unless you’ve been there yourself. Eventually, time is the true healer.

But many victims of their spouse’s affairs wonder if there is a way to make the process go faster, or exactly how they can move on from this point of pain—or even if what they’re experiencing could be considered normal.

In this blog, I’ll share with you two of the monstrous emotions that need to be faced and handled as soon as you recognize them. And, I’ll give you some strategies to cope with them so they don’t block your ability to heal.

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Stop the Emotional Drain of Haunting Affair Images

January 31st, 2011

One of the biggest heartaches for an injured spouse is the haunting images of their spouse’s lover, playing like a horror-movie in their head.

For victims of cheating, there are many reactions to this onslaught of images:

• Loss of sleep
• Lack of appetite
• Inability to focus on tasks
• Struggle to save the marriage

It’s not unusual to carry around these images in your mind. I’ll give you 3 steps for ridding your mind of them so you can get your life back and your emotions on the healing path.

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Guidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage

January 24th, 2011

The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don’t know how to find a way to trust your partner again.
But if you don’t—you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. You’re in a stalemate: you don’t trust your spouse, and your spouse doesn’t know how to make you believe what they’re saying, and you keep waiting to know that your spouse is being honest with you.
That’s where your attempts to save your marriage may be faltering: what you’re focusing on. Read on to learn the basic guidelines for rebuilding trust—by establishing a Code of Transparency.

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80/20: Why Marriage Infidelity Doesn’t Make Sense

January 4th, 2011

Would you rather have 80% of a good thing, or 20%?

Most reasonable people want to have as much of a good thing as they can get. And yet, your marriage may be subject to destruction because your spouse is looking outside of the marriage in a misguided attempt to gain the 20% he or she feels is missing.

In this post, we’ll take a look at the idea of an 80/20 ratio as it relates to cheating, and some of the emotional trials a cheater faces once they realize they’ve risked 80% for a lousy 20%.

If you suspect your spouse is contemplating an affair, share this post with them immediately. If your spouse has already had an affair, maybe this could serve as a starting point to discuss the problems in your marriage.

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Manage the Universal Relationship Problem—Before It Destroys Your Marriage

December 14th, 2010

In all likelihood, you and your spouse aren’t immune from the inevitable conflicts that arise in a marriage.

Anytime two people are brought together, there is bound to be conflict. There are always going to be things that you don’t agree on, whether the relationship is a marriage or a professional one.

In a marriage, conflicts that are mishandled can tear apart your marital bond, and derail your efforts toward achieving marital harmony. Add in the tumultuous effects of an affair, and you have a recipe for a powder keg to detonate when you experience conflicting views.

In this post, we’ll take a look at how you can resolve conflict with your husband or wife in a meaningful way—especially if you’re working to save your marriage after an affair.

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