Cheating Men: End the Lies

September 23rd, 2011

Cheating men (and women) have one thing in common: they’ve lied to their spouse, if not in word, then most definitely in deed – and their spouse wants to know how to end the lies.

If you have been lied to by your partner, you probably feel devastated. You may be struggling with emotions such as overwhelming anger, sadness, grief and depression, your head whirling with negative thoughts and images.

It’s not uncommon for affair victims to ask how to end the lies that have overtaken their marriage. In this blog, we’ll look at three tips. Read on…

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Ask for This to Rebuild Trust After the Affair

May 18th, 2011

Anyone can be duped by a good liar. Were you?

As the victim of an affair, you were duped to some degree, either through outright tall tales, or the withholding of information and carrying out of deceptive actions.

If you want to save your marriage and rebuild trust and honestly, read on to learn two reassurances you can ask for from your cheating spouse to help you trust once again.

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Surviving Infidelity and the Emotional Pain

April 14th, 2011

Infidelity causes a tsunami of painful emotions. Even the cheater isn’t immune to the emotional turmoil.

But the cheater’s turmoil can’t even begin to compare to the pain that you, as the victim of cheating, experiences. A spouse’s infidelity unleashes raw waves of emotion, creating ongoing internal devastation.

It can be tempting to want to sidestep these emotions, tamp them down, ignore them. But it’s not a healthy option.

In this blog, I want to share with you 3 options for processing those emotions in a way that is healthy—and that moves you forward so you can survive infidelity and salvage the pieces of your marriage.

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Is Your Spouse Lying, or Telling the Truth?

February 21st, 2011

Your spouse lied in order to carry on an affair, whether it was one time or over an extended period of time. The cheater either told deliberate lies, or lied by omission, or some combination of the two.

Now you’re trying to reconcile with your spouse and save your marriage. But the question lingers: Is my spouse lying to me, or is he/she telling the truth—this time?

In this blog, we’re going to explore the after-effects of lying as related to an affair, and the 2 critical dimensions needed to rebuild trust and honesty in an effort to save your marriage and survive the affair.

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Guidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage

January 24th, 2011

The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don’t know how to find a way to trust your partner again.
But if you don’t—you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. You’re in a stalemate: you don’t trust your spouse, and your spouse doesn’t know how to make you believe what they’re saying, and you keep waiting to know that your spouse is being honest with you.
That’s where your attempts to save your marriage may be faltering: what you’re focusing on. Read on to learn the basic guidelines for rebuilding trust—by establishing a Code of Transparency.

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Are Mistrust Triggers Killing Your Marriage?

April 20th, 2010

How to Know Your Spouse Isn’t Lying

“I’m having a hard time believing a word that comes out of his mouth,” said Ann. “When I think back to the time before I knew the truth of the affair, and how effortlessly those lies came when I’d ask why he was late getting home, well, I don’t know how I can ever trust him again. How do I know he isn’t lying?”

Ann found herself unsure of her ability to know the truth from the lies. She struggled with the blow to her self-esteem in being unable to know she was being deceived. Believing her spouse was late coming home for the reasons he gave had caused her to feel inadequate in protecting herself, unable to spot the lies when they first occurred.

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How to End the Lies: Learning to Be Transparent Part 4

December 29th, 2009

Has our whole relationship been a lie? Did he ever tell me the truth? Who else has she slept with? Was this really the only affair? What other kinds of horrible atrocities has my spouse committed?

These are some of the questions that torment a person injured by an affair.

If you’re the injured person, you are already well acquainted with questions like these. They may plague you day and night now that you have learned about the affair, making you suffer in ways you never imagined you could.

If you’re the cheater, you may not realize just how much was lost when you had the affair. But let me tell you, your spouse’s trust in you was shattered.

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How to End the Lies: Learning to Be Transparent Part 1

November 17th, 2009

You have lived in an environment of deceit. Your trust has been violated. You have been lied to and you need to find a way to trust your partner again. If you don’t, you are afraid it may mean the end of your marriage.

And you’re right. It may. It is essentially impossible to have an intimate, trusting marriage when your spouse lies to you. If the lies don’t stop, your marriage could be in danger of collapse.

When one spouse lies to another the result isn’t only a feeling of betrayal. Lying is a deliberate attempt at avoiding authentic communication and as a result you have likely closed up to protect yourself from the hurt of future lies. Read on to learn how to end the lies.

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How to Rebuild Honesty (Part 3): Building a Fence Around Your Marriage

November 10th, 2009

Do you want to know one way affairs often happen? Let me tell you a story.

John and Shirley were friends with Tom and Debbie. Debbie, Tom’s wife, worked in the same office building as John, so they often went out to lunch together.

These lunch meetings weren’t secret. Shirley and Tom both knew about them. In fact, no one thought much of it, because they were all such good friends and the situation seemed “safe.”

One day Debbie met John for lunch in tears. She and Tom were having problems in their marriage. To try and console her, John gave Debbie a hug. The hug went on a few moments too long and Debbie and John both felt a spark.

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When the Honesty Crumbles…

May 5th, 2009

When the Honesty Crumbles .

Have you been suffering through a storm of lies and deceit in your marriage? Are you wondering, at this moment, whether or not you can trust what your spouse is telling you about where he is, who he’s with, or what he’s doing? If so, then you’ve probably realized one important truth about relationships:

Honesty and trust are as important as love for a truly wonderful marriage.

It’s true. I know a lot of people out there will tell you that a relationship can’t exist without love; that love is the foundation of a good marriage. And I would agree. But sometimes people who focus exclusively on the importance of love overlook how critical honesty and trust are in a relationship.

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