3 Tips to Keep Your Spouse Focused at Home, On the Marriage

December 7th, 2010

There is never a good reason or excuse for having an affair and destroying your marriage vows. Period.

A cheater is fully responsible for their actions, and the justifications they come up with to make themselves feel better. Regardless of whether or not your spouse contemplates and goes through with an affair, your marriage may still have very legitimate problems that need to be addressed.

In this post, I’ll help you examine your relationship and identify ways to remove the allure of looking outside of the marriage in order to avoid the work of solving the problems within. These tips are applicable whether you are working to save your marriage before an affair happens—or you are in a position of trying to save your marriage post-affair.

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How to Survive Infidelity and Stop a Divorce

November 2nd, 2010

You may feel like your life imploded when you learned that your spouse cheated—or may still be carrying on an affair. The news rocked your feelings of stability and safety in the marriage. Your biggest question at the moment may be:

Should I go to counseling with my spouse, or should I drive straight over to the divorce lawyer?

In this post, I’ll help you answer this question by providing you a starting point: questions to ask yourself as you decide whether to seek marriage help, or divorce.

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Is Jealousy Jeopardizing Your Efforts to Save Your Marriage?

October 26th, 2010

After you’ve discovered your spouse’s affair, do you feel hyper-vigilant for the slightest hint of betrayal?
If your spouse smiles at the wait staff in a restaurant, flirtatiously banters with your accountant, or takes a phone call from a co-worker of the opposite sex, do you feel your pulse quicken and a sense of anger—even rage—taking over?
Going through the emotional devastation of an affair, you are probably still dealing with images that continue to run through your mind of your spouse with another person. And feeling that sense of hyper-vigilance means you have another strong emotion to work through: jealousy.
In this blog, you’ll learn tips to manage those jealous feelings so they don’t overwhelm you and jeopardize your and your spouse’s efforts to save your marriage.

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Follow These 4 Guidelines to Help Strengthen Marriage Communication

October 19th, 2010

You say to your spouse, “I want to fix things between us, save our marriage and make it work.”

But your communication skills may be falling short in an unexpected area: what you don’t say, but what your actions may be shouting.

In this blog, you will learn how you could be derailing your own efforts to survive the affair and rebuild your marriage, and how to get your marriage back on track by following 4 guidelines.

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How to Get Over Infidelity and Negative Thoughts

September 28th, 2010

When you learn that your spouse cheated on you, there is a swirl of negative thoughts that hit you. You may feel numb at first. Then the questions start to creep in: “How can this be? Is this my life? Why would this person I love do this to me, to our family, to our marriage?”

Negative thoughts invade your mind, threatening to sweep away your ability to cope with daily life, to feel balanced, to focus on saving your marriage.

In this post, I’ll help you survive these insidious negative thoughts so you can recover your most prized personal asset: your own thoughts.

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Marriage Help: Deciding How to Handle Affair Details

September 21st, 2010

After your spouse’s affair struck a violent blow to the very heart of your marriage, you know you need serious marriage help … immediately. You’re haunted by negative thoughts and images—sometimes before you even know any specific details.

Your marriage has no chance of surviving the infidelity until a very important issue is satisfactorily resolved: how to handle the details of the affair.

You and your spouse, with committed effort, can survive an affair. But your joint efforts may stall if you don’t decide whether you are going to discuss these painful details, and how to handle them if you do. Contrary to common assumptions, for some the best course may be to not discuss specific intimate details of the affair—you may come out stronger for not knowing them. For others, it may be essential to discuss the details before you can move forward.

In this post, I’ll provide you with 3 steps that will help you make this significant decision. Keep reading…

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Marriage Help: Use a “No Closets” Rule

September 14th, 2010

Marriage Help: Use a “No Closets” Rule

For your marriage to survive, in general or specifically through an infidelity, you need to help your marriage by building it on a framework of transparency. This means you and your partner must commit to being completely open about every aspect of your individual lives—especially if your spouse has cheated.

In this post, I’ll help you get started on—or continue in—your efforts to build your marriage and communication between you and your spouse, by employing a “no closets” rule.

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Rediscover Yourself after the Affair

September 7th, 2010

Reeling from the upheaval that results from the revelations during and after the affair, your world may seem shattered into so many fragments that you don’t know which piece to pick up first.

Perhaps you have a family to consider, children who could potentially be negatively impacted by your cheating spouse’s decisions—not to mention your home life and your ability to function as a part of the family. You obviously have your marriage to consider—it’s currently in shreds. You may also have a job to juggle—your inner turmoil could be throwing off your ability to focus.

In the last post, you learned 3 critical steps you must take before you can even begin your journey of rediscovery—as you work to survive the emotional destruction unleashed by your spouse’s affair. In this post, I’ll explain why it’s essential that you focus on yourself, and provide some steps you can take on the path to healthy rediscovery.

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Survive an Affair and Rediscover Yourself

August 31st, 2010

In a twisted way, your partner’s infidelity has handed you a unique gift: the chance to assess your life, what your needs are, and discover who you are. It has probably been a long time since you did that, having spent years of your life in your marriage, and maybe lost sight of the person you once were.

The infidelity has left you reeling, and you find yourself caught up in the aftermath of the emotional devastation your spouse created. Thanks for destroying my life, you selfish weasel, right? You thought you knew this man/woman, and felt secure in your relationship. You thought you knew yourself. Now, all you know is that you’re feeling lost and alone—and have a burning desire to rediscover who you are.

In this post, I’ll share with you the 3 critical steps you must take before you can begin your own journey of rediscovery—and surviving the emotional destruction that your spouse’s affair caused.

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Escape a Marriage Rut and Have Fun Again

August 17th, 2010

A marriage rut is formed by habits, both good and bad. You and your spouse move from the honeymoon phase to the reality of household chores, keeping food on the table and a roof over your heads, and raising your children. These are performed by necessity and are obviously good habits. But what’s missing in this line-up of good habits?

Maybe you noticed: there was no mention of time set aside for you and your husband to have fun and solidify your marriage bonds. And frankly, your marriage may feel a little less than exciting right now, or worse—one or both of you have fallen into indifference or an affair.

In this post, I’ll offer some ideas to help spring you free from the marital-rut your marriage has fallen into and reignite those sparks.

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