The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don’t know how to find a way to trust your partner again.
But if you don’t—you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. You’re in a stalemate: you don’t trust your spouse, and your spouse doesn’t know how to make you believe what they’re saying, and you keep waiting to know that your spouse is being honest with you.
That’s where your attempts to save your marriage may be faltering: what you’re focusing on. Read on to learn the basic guidelines for rebuilding trust—by establishing a Code of Transparency.
After you’ve discovered your spouse’s affair, do you feel hyper-vigilant for the slightest hint of betrayal?
If your spouse smiles at the wait staff in a restaurant, flirtatiously banters with your accountant, or takes a phone call from a co-worker of the opposite sex, do you feel your pulse quicken and a sense of anger—even rage—taking over?
Going through the emotional devastation of an affair, you are probably still dealing with images that continue to run through your mind of your spouse with another person. And feeling that sense of hyper-vigilance means you have another strong emotion to work through: jealousy.
In this blog, you’ll learn tips to manage those jealous feelings so they don’t overwhelm you and jeopardize your and your spouse’s efforts to save your marriage.
You say to your spouse, “I want to fix things between us, save our marriage and make it work.”
But your communication skills may be falling short in an unexpected area: what you don’t say, but what your actions may be shouting.
In this blog, you will learn how you could be derailing your own efforts to survive the affair and rebuild your marriage, and how to get your marriage back on track by following 4 guidelines.
Your marriage license didn’t come with a manual to help you navigate through challenging marital troubles—especially those that are related to dealing with a spouse’s infidelity.
After the affair, you are faced with what may seem insurmountable problems. So, are you dealing with the infidelity, or trying to shove it away because the pain is just too great?
In this blog, you will discover the 3 phases you will need to work through to recover from—and survive—infidelity.
In the midst of marital turmoil, maybe you’ve had this inner dialogue:
Dealing with my spouse and all of these problems in our marriage is too much for me. Maybe I should just get a divorce, and find someone new to start a life with.
The idea of “someone new” is a tantalizing one. How easy it seems to just shed the thorny problems of your marriage and move on to a fresh start in a problem-free relationship with someone else. Of course, most relationships are relatively problem-free in those early, in-love feeling stages. In this article, we’ll explore ways to get past this fantasy—and back to focusing on healing your marriage.
Encouraging Your Spouse to Believe in Your Marriage
Ann was frustrated, frightened and lost when she explained to her best friend, Cindy, “I don’t know what to do. When Bob comes home, he stays isolated in his own little world. He just withdraws and won’t communicate.
“After dinner, he turns on the TV and tunes me out. It is almost like he doesn’t care about me or our marriage. He doesn’t seem to have any confidence in us being happy together anymore. He seems to have given up on us. I tried bringing up going to a marriage counselor, but instead he said we can ‘figure it out ourselves.’
When Carol heard the words come out of Dave’s
mouth, she felt like someone had reached inside her chest
and torn her heart out.
“I love you, but I’m no longerin love with you.”
Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. It seemed
like her whole world was coming apart at the seams.
“Look, it’s not that I don’t care for you anymore.
I do. It’s just that . well you’re my best friend. I love
you. I just don’t feel that way anymore.”
She felt the air catch in her throat as she tried to breathe
through her tears. They had been through hard
times before, but she never expected anything like this.
What would you do if you had a crystal ball and you could foresee your spouse having an affair 3 months from now?
Imagine what it would feel like to know your spouse cheated. Maybe you don’t have to imagine. maybe it’s already happened. If so, I am truly sorry.
Once you’ve experienced an affair, you’ve walked through a one-way door you can never go back through again.
No matter how much you wish the affair never happened, no matter how much you want your relationship to “go back to the way it was,” that can never happen.
None of us can undo the past. Whether you’re the cheater or the injured person, the affair is a reality you are going to have to live with from now on. That’s true whether you decide to repair your marriage or not. The affair is never going to go away.
Three months ago I sent an email out to those who purchased my program, How to Survive An Affair, looking for real life success stories.
Last month I sent you the story of Julie and Jerry Hamnernick. After received literally hundreds of emails from those of you who were touched, I wanted to send you another powerful story.
This story comes from Arden and Nancy Fox. With the help of my editor Spencer, we were able to capture their story. It’s a little long, but it’s full of details that I know many of you will relate to.
Here is their story:
Arden and Nancy Fox.
“It started out as a job. Arden was doing construction work at Niki’s house. She has a store in her home, and Arden was remodeling the house to make it into a store. I knew this woman from church, we were acquaintances. I knew she was married. I also knew she had some problems. But I never realized how serious the problems would become.”
You want to forgive your spouse. You probably want it more than anything in the world. You want to take the steps necessary so you can move past the awful pain you have endured and toward a relationship that is happy and full of love once more.
Perhaps you’ve even done some work on your relationship so you can move to that point. Maybe you have started down the path of acceptance and you are ready to move on with your marriage, but there is one thing still holding you back.
You’re terrified that your spouse might betray you again.
How can you forgive your spouse when the horrifying possibility exists that he or she will do it again?