So your spouse cheated on you, and now your marriage is neck-deep in crisis mode. You may feel like a failure: your marriage may very well be over, and everything you put into it was for nothing.
This experience has left you looking at the world through a very dark lens.
Are you an unworthy, broken person – and this is why you are in this predicament today, a victim of infidelity? Read on for the answer to this question.
Cheating: The End of a Dream?
Think back to your wedding day. You no doubt had high hopes that every day in the future would be as picture perfect as that day was. You were full of positive dreams for the future.
At some point, a transition took place from that dream-like, newlywed state to the one where you get involved in the business of life: working, cleaning, family and childcare obligations and staying on top of the ever-present “to do” list.
And then you found out your spouse cheated.
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End the Affair NOW and Save Your Marriage from Divorce
An affair is a traumatic experience that devastates not only your marriage but your self-esteem. Only 30% of marriages survive an affair. Prevent your divorce by discovering:
- How to feel normal again… today
- How to get the details
- How to stop the affair
- How to restore talk honestly
- The fastest way to rebuild trust
If you don’t discover the specific steps you must take, you may not survive.
Click here and to learn More
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Upon finding out about your spouse’s affair, you may have had thoughts such as:
“I cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. I must not have done it well.”
“I poured my entire identity into this relationship, and now I’m just a shadow.”
“Apparently, I’m just not worthy of devotion from my spouse, if he/she could do this.”
Suddenly, everything is cast into a negative light: your sense of self-worth, your lifestyle, who you are as an individual. In addition, because this one horrible decision has been made by your spouse, it may seem as if this failure is a catastrophe is something from which you can never recover.
Unfortunately when an affair broadsides the victim, negative thinking seems to become the rule of the day. It’s hard to think positive thoughts when you first discover your spouse has been unfaithful, or to feel good about anything – including yourself.
No doubt about it, your self-confidence has taken a hit. You question everything: your marriage, yourself, and every choice you’ve made since that fateful day when you first met your husband or wife. You sift through every mistake you’ve made, and sum it all up as one big mess that there’s no turning back from.
You may even doubt you’re worthy of happiness and a good marriage. A divorce could be in your thoughts, and you’re ready to toss in the towel. It’s over, right?
Not so fast.
Three Steps to Regain Your Marriage-Saving Power
This is a lot to take on yourself – a huge burden from which I want to offer you some steps to find relief.
Step 1: Reframe the “failure” of marital infidelity
Your spouse made a rotten decision. While it may seem as if it’s a catastrophe, that’s only your mind defining it as such. If you want to rebuild your marriage, then reframe the affair not as a catastrophe, but as your marriage “wake up” call.
You’ve heard the saying, “when handed lemons, make lemonade.” Yes, your spouse sure handed you some bitter lemons. The lemonade to make from them is the opportunity to review your life and your marriage, and see if there are changes that could be made in how you’ve been conducting your life.
Too much time spent at work? Too much attention to the kids – to the exclusion of your relationship with your spouse? (I know this is a challenging one – obviously, children are an integral part of your life when you have them, but there is still the relationship between you and your spouse that needs attention.) Have you neglected to communicate your needs to your spouse?
Step 2: Understand that infidelity places you in a temporary mindset
Notice I say “temporary.” It’s important to remind yourself that what you are going through at the moment does not need to color your entire future. Your mantra may need to be: “this too shall pass.”
Don’t accept that this negative period of your life actually defines who you are as a person, what your marriage is, and what you deserve. Remind yourself that you make those definitions, and right now – the affair has dust cast an ugly cloud over everything. The cloud will pass.
Step 3: Work on your self-confidence
Negativity undermines our self-confidence: we don’t feel confident to get along in the world. You may begin to think of yourself as unworthy and broken, but when you hear those thoughts come into your head – immediately counter them with their opposite: I am worthy, I am a whole person.
Our minds are powerful. Please remind yourself frequently that it’s YOU who has the power over what goes through there in the form of thoughts, images and memory interpretations.
My very best to you as you reframe failure and save your marriage.
How has the affair affected how you view yourself?
Have you convinced yourself that the affair is evidence that you’ve “failed?”
What persistent negative thoughts could you reframe today in a positive light?
Please share your ideas and experiences with the community.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,
Stephanie Anderson
Editor-in-Chief
Marriage Sherpa
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the 2nd picture was very scary.i really want to see more longest finger nails.By,Kimia Samiei
Helpful info. Fortunate me I found your site by chance, and I’m surprised why this accident did not came about earlier! I bookmarked it.
[...] save your marriage, trying to rescue your marriage from the brink of divorce – and [...]
yea, i have been through war and seen people killed, blown up, and all that but I guess i was ready for that being from a military family, but when I discovered my wife having an affair and it having gone on for over 3 years, it hit me so hard. I have studied PTSD and have found that I had all the symptoms. But I have put myself into recovering from her affair, reading about the process of deciding together how it developed, and of course, her asking for forgiveness. It is possible to recover from an affair but it is really hard and things will never be the same no doubt. I am not super religious but can now see why it is a basic sin. It could have been a lot worse for him, his family and of course, my wife.
I will say that her affair has motivated to make myself a better man for her and for others, and to devote myself to my marriage rather than simply take it for granted. She sees this and has been amazing in her response.
We call it a ‘perfect storm’ when her affair developed. There were many dramatic changes going on in our lives. There is no excuse for such a response. I told her to ask for a divorce rather than do this to any man. It is no doubt the worst thing a woman can do to a man without actually killing him.
SYBIL
EXCELLENT WORD!!! THANK YOU!
Wounded fellows in this all..men and women! Praises for the various ways this scripture speaks in all things we sow eternally …not always seen HERE in this lifetime…but assured to be as we obediently lay down all of whatever is presented to us …at the feet of HE who IS equipping us in all aspects of HIS will….
Love you !
To my sisters:
1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1Pe 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 1Pe 5:9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. 1Pe 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
SYBIL
Thank you …I loved “Fireproof’ and got the book but …not used it as yet…spend time searching out the things my Lord ‘assigns ‘ be through curiousity …hunger….
I DID do MUCH of what that book states in our marriage …my husband did not SEE it or appreciate it because he had OTHER relationships that took his focus away …work , people at work , interests..finally his OW who kept him blinded to what HE was missing out on in our WHOLE FAMILY
It was a pretty dark drug of choice for him …he was also running from the whole responsibility to be OPEN and LOVING in truth
Scared him to have to grow up I think…
His continued adolescence stole our children’s childhood as I see it .
ANA LAURA ..
Whatever else YOUR husband needed IT WAS NOT the ‘love of another woman
He chose to believe in something that does NOT exist ..
What God does not JOIN ..he does not EMPOWER…..
THe ‘power’ present in what your husband ‘enjoyed ‘ was NOT OF …GOD! ….eeek!
He laid down with a VIPER…a “beast’ which is an accurate scriptural reference to just a body of flesh ..and a DEAD body at that!!!
If people realized WHAT a body apart from GOD’S presence IN them IS …they would freak out !
ALL throughout the Bible it refers to the “BEAST ‘…it is referring to FLESH …the ‘mark of the beast ‘ is in the “forehead ‘ and the ‘hand’ …indicating WHO they SERVE
OR another way of putting it is what they THINK and what they DO …forehead …being the location of the mind …think about when they ‘annoint the head with OIL” which is symbolic of ‘holy spirit ‘ …the WORD is the SPIRIT ..it is to be PUT INTO THE MIND …which is what that WHOLE symbolism is about
God’s WORD in the MIND ..then OBEYED …or DOING ..
HEAD …HAND …get it??
This is what your husband did to create his own ‘deception of “NEED” ….HE did not seek to find out what GOD would have told him would have supplied all of his needs….for EVERYTHING GOOD that marriage offers …but JUST like salvation THAT involves some WORK …doing …learning ..obeying …’hard’ stuff for self centered us…but we CAN do it if we ask GOD to help us because we CARE about it enough!!!!
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Weaker vessels are not wimps…or lame …or simpy inepts….it refers to more sensitive emotionally so HIS HONORING you by learning about YOU …not asking others…but to KNOW YOU …by way of spending TIME ….and making YOU the priority after GOD will make HIS WALK …sublime
He missed it but it is NOT TOO LATE ..he must turn to the MAKER of that body of his ..that mind of his and join you in LEARNING and then applying IT TO LIFE !
Bon Appetito!
ANA LAURA …your husband created HIS OWN NEED …HIS “needs’ were MET when he married YOU …ALL of what was to be his ‘suitable companion’ was invested in you when he VOWED and made a covenant with GOD to agree to care for you
HE may not have known this truth …but deception crept in when he did not DO what GOD tells husband’s to do …
Leave , cleave …by Learning about YOU through focusing upon you …
“Husband’s live with your wife in an understanding way ”
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
THe words “weaker vessel ‘ do not refer to her that way because she is lesser or lame….it is that she is often more emotionally SENSITIVE …and those need to be protected…..which is what LOYALTY …or ‘leaving all others’ does …it show honor which is protective of HER ..which ‘warms her’ to be set apart …
If his “prayers are hindered’ that is one sure fire way to remedy this …to HONOR you by focus and listening and hearing you ….in always
S
ANA LAURA
I will try to share what I understand of these issues you have asked about . These are very good and appropriate and we all have to ask them at some point …no matter what the issue
Often in the midst of a trial …as it is called in scripture we wonder why it happens to those who are really interested in living a ‘good’ life and following the ‘golden rule’ are we not?
First of all WE are made in the IMAGE of GOD . Man is created and invested with many of the traits of our Heavenly Father
We do not KNOW all things…We are not EVERYWHERE at all times…we do not know the ‘future” …
BUT we DO have the capacity to think about the future ..unlike animals
Those animals that ‘prepare for the winter’ do so by instinct
Man is created to be able to REASON
He did not ‘evolve’ …and evolutionary doctrine…and I DO mean ‘doctrine’ because evolution is a RELIGION …has been creeping into the worldview of people for many decades now .
It is part of a more overreaching plan to usurp the mindset of people who do not know GOD and do not know what GOD has revealed to us through HIS TESTIMENT ..which we call the Bible
66 books …written over many years by various ‘holy men of God who spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit ‘ to write what HE inspired them to write.
This ‘book’ is the TESTIMONY from GOD about THIS WORLD and OUR situation we are born into .
We are born DEAD …IN trespasses …and sin ..and do not KNOW this ..
Not knowing it does not mean we are not effected by this condtion and that of others who are of like condtion ..aka ALL who are born into this world
Did GOD cause your husband to choose sin?
First we should as “DID your husband take heed to what GOD told him about HOW his design would require HIM to CONTROL himself in certain conditions and situations with other people?
Do people NEED to have the ten commandments read to them in order to know STEALING is wrong?
The sin of adultery is part of the MORAL law that was in existance BEFORE the written law or the giving of the TEN commandments to MOSES.
The TEN are really a summary of the WHOLE law …and actually JESUS told us that first TWO are those upon which ‘ hang the WHOLE law’
Therefore even the pagan KING at the time of Abraham rebuked Abe for trying to pass his wife off as his sister…thus putting the Kind in jeapardy had he had sex with her …God intervened and stopped him before he did that
Abraham did this because he was afraid since Sarah was such a fox that the enemies would KILL HIM in order to get her!
HE lied….now Abraham …for all his wonderfulness was brought OUT of the land of Chaldea .,..a pagan country and culture …GOD had to teach him …walkiing with him …and Abe had to grow and mature in faith
The point is that even the pagan’s of the earliest time knew that adultery was a SERIOUS CRIME
Today there is not a human alive that does not really know deep inside that this is a terrible thing to do .
The consciences of those who do so have been silenced by the desire ,lust , and chemicals that are NATURALLY secreted to cause a MAN to be drawn to his wife ..and when ACTED upon within a relationship that is to be GROWN through interaction , commitment [life time] and sacrifical given and caring more about the OVERALL condition of the other person ..THAN the sexual union is a CULMINATION of RELATIONSHIP
Young people today have several generations lacking the demonstration of WHAT marriage IS and HOW it is to function and THE PURPOSE of it in terms of not just romance but in terms of our growth and protection as we respond and live in the WALK after the LORD
ALL people were meant to walk after the Lord and HE was to be LORD over all decisions
Decisions are based upon what is IN the mind and what is IMPORTANT to a person
If all that is important to us is an ORGASM …well we see what that has brought about all around us.
Sex is not meant to be selfish
In someways as men have not grown up in many households seeing the demonstration of what LOVE is between a father and their mother…they are at a loss to know what LOVE looks like in marriage
There are plenty of movies demonstrating romantic love ..which is limited ..and mostly about feeling good
Marriage is intended to be the IMAGE of redemptive love which comes out of KNOWLEDGE of the person or condition of that person ..caring about the BEST for them and then making all effort to live together ..watching each other’s back spiritually , emotionally , phyisically and even financially.
Todays population is increasingly all about recreation and pleasure
The obesity and the gaming ..and the various other get what you want ‘quick” is like most things that are gotten with little cost …they have little lasting value and become passe soon
Even God’s word is prepackaged in seminars …self help books …and self esteem is the aim instead of holiness and knowledge of the truth
Knowing the LORD is a process…a growing knowledge of HIM and then obeying Him gives us an experience of the outcomes we see written in His love letter to us ….all of it warning us …giving DEMONSTRATIONS of those who did do His will and then those who opposed it …and went on doing the sin until they destroyed themselves and others
The cost of sin is not seen by those who do not care to learn from GOD until much later sadly …but even then they MAY turn and begin to walk ..and the process of regeneration …the various ways God works IN us to grow a different heart ….a heart for HIS ways occurs
With the coming of media …there has been a drive toward leisure and self serving
This is warned of in the word ..it causes one to lose patience with developing talent…sacrificial giving …waiting for growth ..
We become demanding of others to BE what we assumed they would be ..even GOD
The false impressions people have of GOD is NOT HIS FAULT
Turning away from GOD is to play right into the plans of the Devil who wants NOONE to enjoy the OUTCOME of a life lived in obedience to the LORD
The Lord will teach those who seek and invest in finding out what HE will do IN them
But those OF THIS world are not able to see the value of what it UNSEEN
Yet the most valuable things are UNSEEN …and are to be awaiting our harvest of our labor ….beyond this realm …BUT NOT exclusively
YOU are not being “punished ‘ for anything
YOUR husband …in his being pursuaded that adultery was ‘doable’ , desirable ., pleasurable and had no pain or loss …was DECEIVED
We underestimate the enemy of GOD ..which INCLUDES our own mind which is called ‘enmity ‘ by GOD ..when it is NOT filled with HIS WORD ;/ HIS Spirit
Did GOD ” allow ‘ your husband to do so? God offers LIFE …some choose death …HE does not MAKE them do it
He may KNOW all things. ..but that is one reason that we do not judge a FINAL judgment …only GOD knows the eventual decisions of a person ..and HE keeps making HIS WORD available throughout a lifetime
For young people to be afraid to marry shows how well the effects of keeping GOD out of daily life in our culture has gone on to cause people to accept other ideas in that VACUME which is there because they will not seek after GOD
The outcome of babies without marriage…and ‘relationships’ without covenant is HISTORICALLY one of the aspects of a society on it’s way DOWN
I don’t have the statistics here …but there are many studies of this …fallen whole civilizations resulting from this fleshly worship and abandonment of GOD and HIS laws…HIS commitment to US looks like JESUS ON THE CROSS ….HIS victory over what we are seeing all around us is OUR ‘self ‘ on that CROSS
We do not need more self ‘esteem’ ….we need more ‘denying of self ‘ take up YOUR cross and Follow ME ‘ Jesus told us
Well …to enjoy the blessing of marriage one must take time to realize nothing worth having is going to come easily or without cost
Do you want the porche? Then some WORK is involved ..not just to buy it ..but to maintain it .
HOw much more is a WIFE or HUSBAND costly?
When people fail to see the great value and priviledge to be a spouse they are soon to not really appreciate ANYTHING they have
A HUMAN committed to another human for LIFE …sounds to some like a death sentence..that is because they do not know their identity in Christ …they have no knowledge of the purpose of life…THEIR LIFE
We have been led to think we ARE what we DO …
Society sees people as ‘human capital’ in fact someone just sent me some articles revealing some of what the govt has in place regarding our being thought of this way ..
NO shock ..Jesus told those he drove out of the temple …He would not tolerate the mammonizing of his TEMPLE…the TEMPLE is the BODY of those HE is IN .
PEOPLE
The WORLD has conveyed through education , media and govt that you are only as important as YOUR CONTRIBUTION to the coffers of the government! AWK! Radical thoughts
Jesus said that we are not to ‘make merchandise’ of people
Go learn what THAT meaneth!
Also that we are not to covet and make a LIVING FROM sharing the WORD of GOD !
“What you have freely recieved ..FREELY GIVE!!”
Many false teachers …are ‘in ministry ‘ as a “career ‘ and do not even KNOW scripture!
They are TAUGHT OF MEN !
IF JESUS is LORD ..then HE is most capable to teach ..and HE does not CHARGE anything of you but YOUR WHOLE HEART , SOUL ,MIND and STRENGTH as applied to hearing and obeying HIM
YOU are NO LONGER UNDER CONDEMNATION IF you are IN Christ JESUS …and walk according to the spirit / word and not flesh!
It is instructive that THOSE who do sin ,…are of two categories..
Those who KNOW what is sin and do it anyway
And THOSE who know what IS SIN and do it anyway !
Oh wait ..! THOSE are the same!
Everyone KNOWS what is right …but some make what they want …to be ‘right’ because it FEELS GOOD to THEM at the moment …and they are surprised when the ‘bill ‘ comes due…and they cannot PAY it
Stick with the WORD …do not allow thoughts to creep in as the accuser of the brethren has NO place unless YOU give him one IN YOUR THINKING
Submit to GOD , resist the Devil and he will flee from you
THOUGHTS are the domain of the spirit realm …keep the word in mind …and keep your thoughts on what is truth ..by definition the WORD …and your life will surprise you even in the midst of all this HELL
You cannot help others until YOU get the WORD solid …just keep on IN it….and do what comes to mind from it …
Speaking to those who are in darkness MAY get you knocked around ..even from within your own family …It is NOT YOU who is the ‘offense’ it is the spirit of GOD as you speak HIS word ..it is the “offense ‘ of the cross
6 Wherefore also it is contained in the scripture,
Behold, I lay in Sion a chief corner stone [JESUS CHRIST], elect, precious: and he that believeth on HIM shall not be confounded.
7 Unto you therefore which believe he is precious:
but unto them which be disobedient,
the stone [JESUS CHRIST ]which
the builders disallowed,
the same is made the head of the corner,
8 And a stone of stumbling {JESUS CHRIST ] , and
a rock of offence,[JESUS CHRIST ]
even to them which stumble at The WORD ,
BEING DISOBEDIENT : whereunto also they were appointed.
Mat 11:6 And blessed is [he], whosoever shall NOT be offended IN ME .
Mat 13:57 And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house.
They couldn’t see beyond FLESH ! Those OF flesh are behind the “VEIL” which is to say ‘flesh”!
Mat 15:12 Then came his disciples, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?
WOW ..and THEY were supposed to be the ONES who knew his words so well they SHOULD have rejoiced in HIS WORDS!!!
1Jo 3:13 Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.
That is those who are “OF” the “WORLD ” or “OF the FLESH ‘ or those who are still spiritually DEAD …and do not love LIGHT …TRUTH which exposes what is clinging to us all until we come into the light …and see what is hindering us …and confess it !
Confession is toward the LORD …and those in whom our sin has damaged because it is IN People that GOD dwells as they abide IN the WORD …that happens when the WORD ABIDES in us
That is why GOD tells us what HE means by ‘loving ‘ HIM
2Jo 1:4 ¶ I rejoiced greatly that I found of thy children WALKING IN TRUTH , as we have received a commandment from the Father.
2Jo 1:6 And this is love, that we walk after his commandments. This is the commandment, That, as ye have heard from the beginning, ye should WALK IN it.
1Jo 5:3 For THIS IS THE LOVE OF God, that we KEEP his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
THIS IS WHAT TRUE WORSHIP IS …
Jhn 4:24 God [is] a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship [him] in spirit and in truth.
WORSHIP is to LIVE in and by the WORD of GOD in truth.
WARNING …Here is a picture of what worship of FALSE and EVIL spirits looks like….rebellion and the outcome…this guy did all these evil things IN the house of the LORD ..and he got in deep doodoo for it …then he got corrected …got himself back into the fellowship with GOD destroyed all the various idols he had put into God’s temple and his own son rebelled against him along with the people …who were happy with their pagan habits …and relgious practices..and WOE came
The “woe ‘ was ALWAYS warned of ..GOD is just …but people are deceived into thinking THEY don’t have to abide by those warnings ..and somehow THEY will not get what the seeds of SIN THEY planted …in rebellion will bring about …God is not mocked ..what we sow …where we sow and HOW we sow brings a crop …either way ..sin or righteousness…
Simple POWERFUL and frightening to behold!
2 Chronicles 33
1Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty and five years in Jerusalem:
2But did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD, like unto the abominations of the heathen, whom the LORD had cast out before the children of Israel.
3For he built again the high places which Hezekiah his father had broken down, and he reared up altars for Baalim, and made groves, and worshipped all the host of heaven, and served them.
4Also he built altars in the house of the LORD, whereof the LORD had said, In Jerusalem shall my name be for ever.
5And he built altars for all the host of heaven in the two courts of the house of the LORD.
6And he caused his children to pass through the fire in the valley of the son of Hinnom: also he observed times, and used enchantments, and used witchcraft, and dealt with a familiar spirit, and with wizards: he wrought much evil in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger.
7And he set a carved image, the idol which he had made, in the house of God, of which God had said to David and to Solomon his son, In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen before all the tribes of Israel, will I put my name for ever:
8Neither will I any more remove the foot of Israel from out of the land which I have appointed for your fathers; so that they will take heed to do all that I have commanded them, according to the whole law and the statutes and the ordinances by the hand of Moses.
9So Manasseh made Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to err, and to do worse than the heathen, whom the LORD had destroyed before the children of Israel.
10And the LORD spake to Manasseh, and to his people: but they would not hearken.
11Wherefore the LORD brought upon them the captains of the host of the king of Assyria, which took Manasseh among the thorns, and bound him with fetters, and carried him to Babylon.
12And when he was in affliction, he besought the LORD his God, and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers,
13And prayed unto him: and he was intreated of him, and heard his supplication, and brought him again to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD he was God.
14Now after this he built a wall without the city of David, on the west side of Gihon, in the valley, even to the entering in at the fish gate, and compassed about Ophel, and raised it up a very great height, and put captains of war in all the fenced cities of Judah.
15And he took away the strange gods, and the idol out of the house of the LORD, and all the altars that he had built in the mount of the house of the LORD, and in Jerusalem, and cast them out of the city.
16And he repaired the altar of the LORD, and sacrificed thereon peace offerings and thank offerings, and commanded Judah to serve the LORD God of Israel.
17Nevertheless the people did sacrifice still in the high places, yet unto the LORD their God only.
18Now the rest of the acts of Manasseh, and his prayer unto his God, and the words of the seers that spake to him in the name of the LORD God of Israel, behold, they are written in the book of the kings of Israel.
19His prayer also, and how God was intreated of him, and all his sins, and his trespass, and the places wherein he built high places, and set up groves and graven images, before he was humbled: behold, they are written among the sayings of the seers.
20So Manasseh slept with his fathers, and they buried him in his own house: and Amon his son reigned in his stead.
21Amon was two and twenty years old when he began to reign, and reigned two years in Jerusalem.
22But he did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD, as did Manasseh his father: for Amon sacrificed unto all the carved images which Manasseh his father had made, and served them;
23And humbled not himself before the LORD, as Manasseh his father had humbled himself; but Amon trespassed more and more.
24And his servants conspired against him, and slew him in his own house.
25But the people of the land slew all them that had conspired against king Amon; and the people of the land made Josiah his son king in his stead.
Glory in the morning
I have a question, and it’s probably stupid, but if God knows everything that is going to happen, did he know that my husband would need and fall in love with another woman, am I being punished for something I did, I have heard that God doesn’t punish, that we do it ourselves, so I am hurt and confused as to why God thought that my husband needed someone else to love. I know it’s probably stupid to think God wanted my husband to fall in love with someone else…but I read your article and it got me to thinking
Dear Hope in the Morning
I never seen the movie inception, but I agree 100% of what you are describing, I have believed for a long time that the world was going places and doing things that awhile back would not be heard of, or tolerated by the majority of people, and since my husband found someone else to love I have discovered that cheating is NORMAL, I haven’t told anyone what has happened to me, only the people here know about it, but I listen to people to talk, other people tell me about what happened to them, and what they’re going through, and why they stay, or why they leave, or how they think that it happens to everyone, and now that’s what I think, it does happen to everyone, and they talk about old men who get young women because that’s just a natural part of men aging, like it’s normal, because they get tired of the same old everyday crap, and they want young and beautiful, like they want a new life and just leave the old life behind, and people think that it’s normal, I think that marriage is becoming obsolete. I have a grandson who just made me a great grandmother, and I asked him if he were going to marry the mom, (stupid me) and he said hell no, that he’s never getting married, and right now i agree with him, they just get tired and find someone else, we have a nephew who is lliving with his girlfriend, and their baby is due in September, when we asked his dad if they were getting married, he said no that his son was just practicing to see if he liked it, I also know two other girls,sisters, who don’t know why they got married, when they heard how long I had been married, they said, no way that’s too long, that they couldn’t even see themselves with there husbands for 5 years, so I don’t know, maybe it’s true, because I’m tired,maybe they are right….
Hopeinthemorning
I love reading your posts!
I feel like you do about God and about having that personal relationship with HIM. I have never felt as close to HIM as I do now. I am humbled by the miracles all around, even in the midst of what seems like doom and gloom-
My husband and I did The Love Dare- I highly recommend this book- it Christian based 30 days to reconnect! You can even try it alone if the spouse won’t do it. It made ALL the difference for us.
SYBIL
Thank you for that …what a sweet person to share that …
A lot is going on …but then once we begin to follow Christ we have NO IDEA that excitment and challenging situations are ……getting out there ONE the edge of walking with HIM takes consistant letting go of all of our preconcieved ideas…about EVERYTHING and letting the LORD “shuffle the deck’ of our set ways ..and set perceptions
WOW …taking a ‘risk ‘ of trusting HIM has been one amazing roller coaster of a ride…..I have learned since the start however He does not ask us to take ‘foolish ‘ risks….but my lack of knowledge and floundering around misstepping …has taught me a lot of what most people would not have gone through because they stayed in the confines of a church environment. ..
That is not so bad…probably would have avoided a lot of experiential lessons in what is NOT truth but it still gave me some personal instructions of scripture along with my studies of the words in various word studies…and many other confirmations of HOW the people recorded in the Word are all around even today …not in the particular personalities ….like ghosts…NO …as unique as each soul is …many of the ways people are entrapped by deception …sin are the same
and the many ways GOD demonstrated His involvement , even in the worst of times, the SAME as always …God never changes…and He upholds all of HIS WORD …the LAW as well …He holds HIMSELF to that standard that He has given us to reveal HIS standard for US ..
We have an open book test prep …and we are IN the courtroom as we live …applying , growing ..learning …and continuing
Those that sin with KNOWLEDGE, willfully are in HUGE danger for their souls…stubborn …stiffnecked…hard hearted ..all results of not LISTENING TO GOD when he has made His WORD available to all
[Shudder]
Act 17:30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
Once Jesus CAME…finished the work He was ordained to do …for the LOVE of HIS FATHER …whom HE was NAMED AFTER ….now there are no excuses for people NOT seeking HIM
It is frightening to look around at how the world has increased the effects of deception upon the minds of mankind….mostly increased through media!
Fantasy used to be identified as entertainment
NOW ‘reality shows’ which are nothing like TRUTH are being presented to portray all kinds of ‘versions’ of ‘reality ‘ which are NOT ….
Truth is not man made…it is TRUTH …
No man KNOWS who the FATHER is though many will tell you they know GOD or ‘believe in ‘ GOD …HOW can they unless HE has been revealed to them …and GOD says that they DO NOT ..unless the SON reveals Him to them …and THAT THROUGH HIS WORD
HOw many of those that claim Christ even really READ the word or ask GOD to give them understanding of what they read?
I know in my youth it was ‘go to church’ …hear little …read none and go back to life unchanged …no authentic relationship with HIM personally …it was not by alter call …not by anything UNTIL I wanted to KNOw HIM and started energetically seeking to find HIM
HE promised IF we would do so HE would make Himself KNOWN if we would have his WORD abiding IN us …then HE would ‘abide in us’
COOL …and amazingly LIVING …truth !
Deu 4:29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find [him], if thou seek him with ALL thy heart and with all thy soul.
Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Job 11:13 If thou PREPARE thine heart, and stretch out thine hands toward him;
Psa 10:17 LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: THOU wilt prepare their heart, THOU wilt cause thine ear to hear:
It is GOD’S WORK to prepare our hearts and cause our ‘ears to hear’ so that His WORD makes impact , we just have to ask Him to do that !
Isa 57:15 For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name [is] Holy;
I dwell in the high and holy [place], with him also [that is] of a contrite and humble spirit,
to revive the spirit of the humble, and
to revive the heart of the contrite ones.
Be encouraged to know that God, our heavenly Father, is a good God. He loves you deeply and shall meet all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus! (Philippians 4:19)
A couple of weeks ago we watched the movie “Inception” which in a way demonstrates what coming to see the truth about our world , ourselves through GOD revealing it to us through the knowledge and receiving of HIS view as he has given it to anyone who is willing to see , hear and allow Him access .
We are born into a world that is known to us through our senses….God is outside of this world and has entered into it to reveal the state it has become SINCE the FALL …which caused corruption of not just the world but OUR very selves
As we begin to see what is truth …and reality it can be very painful to let go of all that we have believed …lived in ..assumptions.
It is destabalizing what we assumed was reality
Through seeing HIS view …and realizing the truth …it takes us some real ‘dying to ‘ what we always thought was true
Just like the ‘revelation’ of the adultery of a spouse…the TRUTH about what this world is like ROCKS your world’ in every way!
It is a shock to the system to learn it all at once..and even as I have been gradually given understanding it is STILL difficult to realize all the facets of life that are not quite ‘right’ in terms of what they were intended to be
In Christ we are given the ‘eyesalve’ to see…and what we learn is often very different than what we have been led to see as ‘normal’
It is not entirely without some inkling however as I have said …the moral law is written in everyones heart…people KNOW when they have had a violation of a basic moral law…IT is IN us .
We become hurt or angered when an ‘injustice’ has occured that is basic.
Even a child knows stealing is wrong .
Over time people are conditioned by society that is FALLEN …as God tells us that sin abounds as people come together their sin natures strengthen their comfort with sin …unless they make GOD their source of truth .
The power of peer group …or as God calls them ‘the many ‘ is powerful to ‘normalize ‘ sin
When a person begins to be taught by the LORD through his word ..it opens up their understanding to see what they have seen and had some idea was broken but just may not have been able to put their finger on it
In real disfunctioning society violations of each persons soul is actually protected more than their right to protection FROM abuses.
This is the extent to which societies KNOW to be abusive to ‘human rights’ are identified.
The subtle ways that each culture declines into this abyss of acceptance and practice of sin ..and abuse is likened to a frog in the pot that is slowly brought to a boil …it is almost inperceptable until the deviations hit HOME and one becomes the victim of some acceptable form of sin …approved of men because more and more of them are ‘enjoying ‘ the ‘freedom ‘ to sin ..and thus as Roman’s points out ..will not condemn what they themselve might like the freedom to do!
This leaves a person violated with little recourse…as we see our society not only no longer strongly disapproves of sexual sin ..nor punishment of voilators…but actually promotes and rewards it
Those who ARE voilated are told to suck it up , don’t judge, and just get on with life
Wonder how that would work if you were driving on the freeway ..saw a child fall out of a car …get run over …and everyone just kept driving and running over the child because it was ‘not their child’ or ‘it was none of their business’ or some such denial of justice and what is right
As my mom used to say ‘It depends upon whose ox is being gored ”
funny old fashioned reference but describes the ‘taking advantage to get whatever you want no matter HOW you have to do it
God shows us all of how this world IS …and we have to adjuct our thinking
The further from the truth our lives has been lived and the less we have suffered pain from our own fantasies the more we want to protect them
The more insecurity we may have upon those world being blown up
Thus the fear of those whose adultery has been discovered.
Their comfortable little world they have made peace with being what their lives ARE is no exposed and they HAVE NO real world to function in and no skills to deal with reality ..>WHICH IS WHY they went that way in the first place
God provides us HOW to live IN reality without having to build up a fantasy world ..but we HAVe to participate in reality AS HE directs in order to heal and deal .
I see that as you gain insight to the reality that this world and all of us are born into that you will gain stability and strength in the promises that GOD has given ..and WILL carry out …unlike the unfaithful humans who are prone to follow weakness and the easies road is often DOWN HILL but the way BACK to the WAY that is righteous is UPHILL …and the muscles to live by are in need of exercise and strengthening
Patience in all of this process is needed ..and determination to continue…and not allow the cry for comfort to shout out the need for authentic living of life as it is in TRUTH meant to be lived
I never knew that sanity was something that you could get a hold on. I just figured that to some point we all are a little insane.
In terms of self esteem, I think that I had some real issues with mine, and I still do.
But, in light of all that has happened, and this crazy feeling of an awakening in my spirit with God, in openly realizing all that I have done, and what I have been through starting in my childhood, I have realized why I have my self esteem problems.
Its no wonder. But today, I am different. I still struggle with them, but I am moving past them. Like I said, we can’t change what happened yesterday or know what will happen tomorrow. But today as I live, I can say you are okay Annie, you are a good person, you are talented, you are smart, and then the most important that I tell myself is God is by your side, in you, and with you. I can move forward with all that has happened.
My husband and I talked last night and he has told me that he feels that he has received signs from God, and in that sense, he has left his problems, problems that we are both facing in His hands. We talked alot about it, touched ever so slightly on the subject of his infidelity, he brought it up, and it made me feel good. He is willing to hear the scriptures, (he doesn’t read or write) and is willing to make changes for us.
My confidence level is increasing, my sureness about me, and the only thing that I can put my finger on is that I have prayed so much, I have cried praying, teared up when I express myself about God to my husband and family, and in sharing here, it always brings tears and such a feeling that wells up inside me.
So, in this journey, my life has changed so much. Those people that I used to get so angry or frustrated at, I smile and try my hardest to be nice. As Hopeinthemorning said, everyone needs a smile to pick them up, as we really don’t know what they are going through. I smile at people at the store, make eye contact, (which is one of the hardest things for me to do, I don’t like people looking at me, I can’t cross the road across the street to the little store to get a soda because people look at me, insanity I tell you) and it is so rewarding to brighten their faces.
I truly have felt the love of our God. What more reward could I want. As I feel His love, my life seems to be coming round the circle. There are still bumps, cracks, holes, rocks, but I have something now that is with me. To get me through the dark times, the hard times, the sad times, the happy times. I hope now that I can get my children to truly share in this, as it has made something more than I could ever believe would happen.
I realize as I go, that this marriage could still end up over. He could still do something really stupid again. But, can I stop him from making stupid choices? Can I make him stay home and be a good boy? No. I can only do for me and in that trust in God for His choice in a plan for me. And I told my husband that last night. I told him that I put my life and my marriage in God’s hands to do with it what He will. I am done trying to make it happen. I have released it, and it has comforted me more than I can believe.
It is not easy, for I do still wonder about the whys, are there mores, how comes, and then I tell myself, pray. Give it up to God.
It is all I can do at this time in my life, and I am happy with that choice, and I feel His love and warmth. Give it up to God, what a wonderful motto.
Anniesheart1
I love your miracles! They are all around us and The Lord listens to our prayers.
As crazy as it sounds – the night before I found out, I prayed to God for true love in my life- the next day after 4 months of my husband NOT seeing the OW – I got the “accidental text” meant for her.
I might have never found out about the affair and if I hadn’t my husband would not have been humbled to his knees and hit rock bottom, he did and turned to God for the very first time. 2 weeks later after his spiritual awakening- God answered my prayer- he became my true love, more than ever—- the price for his soul was high– but I am honored God trusted me to forgive and help usher in his salvation. Now I just need to regain my self esteem and especially my sanity!!
God bless you all!
I really loved that article, it was straightforward and written by a wise man- in clear language for other men.
I don’t really understand how you can claim to be in a fog for a whole year as an excuse-
Could we walk around in a robotic fog for a year and get away with it, while taking care of kids and running a household??
ANNIESHEART1
Sounds to me like a true convergion going on
The experience of being ‘taken back ‘ to review your life in the light of the truth is one thing that startles people who are told by religion that claims Christ that ‘all is forgiven and forgotten’
Actually GOD knows all things…does not forget but does not hold our sins to OUR account as when we are IN CHRIST …HE views us through that paid in full act that Christ did on the cross.
Our ‘cross’ is to see the state of our life as from birth was are born dead in trespasses and sin …and then die TO all that is ‘life’ lived from the fleshly perspective
Your family may have known scripture but the thing is many will claim to know Christ ..the difference is DOES HE KNOW YOU?
TO know ” is to ‘impregnant’ as when Adam “knew ‘ Eve and she concieved
This knowing is when we ‘sow the incorruptable seed’ of the WORD IN and then live …by it …
Living relates to growing …growing in knowledge and understanding from the perspective of that SEED of the WORD which is the living spirit of GOD ..
We plant it in our minds…water it by more word and digesting it by thinking about it and referring to it as we walk along …
Your family may or may not have HAD the word IN them in terms of living by it .
What matters now is that as you have been ‘brought low’ by circumstances that did not surprise God but they have been the means to get your attention to go to HIM …and to allow HIS WORDS to begin to fill you with HIS SPIRIT as those words ARE LIVING SPIRIT’
It takes time and practical application and CONTINUING to bring about understanding of how it all fits.
WHEN you start is not the issue …but THAT you started …and are moldable in His hand..
Remember that those hired at the end of the day all got the same wages as those hired in the beginning …
That is in the Gospel section .
Scripture is the record of the FINISHED or COMPLETED work of GOD through JESUS CHRIST
ALL Old Testament points to HIM …all New Testament points back to HIM
HIS TESTIMONY IS “finished’ ‘completed’
The OLD is understood in the light of the NEW ..and the NEW is revealed through the knowledge of the OLD Testament
Be patient ..continue ..and the awe you express in it NOW will increase as you go forward
Also note that as Jesus told us …if the world hated HIM …they will hate you also ..in that the closer you are to truth the more evil will be shown for what it is …and those who love darkness will hate and reject HIM and anyone who is WITH HIM
Be encouraged ..,.we do not glory in tribulation as if it is a badge but we understand it “goes with the territory” of being identified with HIM .
Hugs
SYBIL
Shazam!! That article …so CLEAR …and those who ‘creep’ into relationship with those who are not their spouses always do so with some kind of justication that they were ‘just helping ‘ just comforting ‘ ….so TRUE !
Thanks for posting that …tried to tell my own husband that early on….he KNEW …UNDERSTOOD …but he DISTANCED himself from ALL that was provided.
Was NOT THANKFUL for what he had …when the work and sacrifice that marriage demands came about …he disconnected
I am concerned as more and more young people are trained to believe in the NECESSITY of FUN …as if it is life’s purpose.
IT will destroy …not just themselves but ultimately society .
Sybil,
thanks, I’ve forwarded it to you-know-who. I have to say that mate has been making some profound changes after reading the link I posted. Reading others’ stories from other wayward spouses has allowed him to finally admit that he can no longer do this on his own and that his way of dealing w/guilt, shame, and self-loathing has done nothing but bring misery to those he loves most on this earth. This is a Major Breakthrough!!
I think this deserves a trip to the salon for me. Yay!!…LOL
Annies♥
(((hugs)))
Eve, I am so sorry it was a long note.
, sometimes, when you have to express to get that feeling or experience out, it takes a little time. I am not always good at what I write to express what I feel.
Again, thanks to so many for what you have given me, through Christ, our Lord, God our Father.
It just seems so unfair at times, what we go through. I am trusting more and more, my life in the hands of our Lord. It is realy an amazing experience. I have finished the book of Proverbs, and John, I just finished reading and trying to understand Ecclesiastes but I am confused about its content, and I really liked Thessalonians. In all of these books so far, it talks frequently about man and sin. And how to make sure to listen to the Word of God. There is so much advice, knowledge, that I only wish that I had experienced all of it when I was younger. In reading these I have found so much strength in knowing what it is that I must do, which direction I must go and with whom, God.
Reading scriptures in the past has never done anything for me, but now, today, I am understanding more and more, and I just don’t know how to express it other than it is amazing.
We are sisters and brothers here, in more than one way. We are traveling down a road, than unfortunately has brought us together in a pile of greif, shame, unknowing, lies, cheating, betrayal and so on. As a family, we have to pull together to help each other, and move on. What happened yesterday we cannot change. What happens tomorrow we do not know. What is here in the moment, we are living.
Look at you, inside and out. What you see in the mirror is not just a reflection of light on your skin. It is a much more sacred and/or holy spirtual being, a child of God’s, that needs nurturing through the scriptures, His word. Read them, ask for help in understanding what has been written.
In all of this reflection on my own life, from when I can remember my first memories, I am appalled at the deciet that I remember growing up within my family, there was love, a lot of love as well, but yet I know that there is nothing that I can change. Lies, betrayals, adultery, oppression, abuse, and it seemed to be accepted as the norm in so many ways.
My parents divorced when I was 5 or 6. My mother was loving, and encouraged us in so many ways, but she had so many problems in her own mind. My father was strict with us, yet some of the things that he did, actually went against what he taught us. We went to church, Sunday school, and other church functions. I just don’t understand it all, but I am realizing that I am not meant to understand it either. I also have reaized that it did shape me into whom I am today, and was sending me down a road that I have now take a U-turn on.
I don’t know, but memories of what I have done, my own sins, have been coming at me full force, and I am glad, as in the forgiveness process towards my husband and the OWs, I have been asking for forgiveness of God for each sin that comes up from when my memories begin. Crazy. And it truly is helping me. Even the dumb little things that I did as a child, asking for that forgiveness has opened my heart up to acceptance of so much more.
Ana Laura, Sybil, all of you, you have the rest of your life ahead of you, we all do. And we have the choice to live it in the best possible way of our Lord. Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be open. I don’t know which scripture this is, but I understand it so much more, as I realize that that I was afraid of so much, and knocking on a door frightened me so. I worry that my husband is going to do stuff again, but right now it seems as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders from me finding out.
We had an argument the other day about a little trust issue. So, I said fine, I won’t ask you about anything. I was asking who he talked to, who called, why they called, where was he, what was he doing, why and so on. Last week was a bad week for me emotionally. I cried till I was spent after he left to go out. I asked God for help, to take me, to give me strength, to help me find myself, I was so lost, so alone at the moment, and depressed and done. Done with everything and my life. Didn’t know where to turn or go, who I could trust to talk to, by myself. I was being selfish and having one heck of a pity party, and I was the only one there. Not much of a party.
I went to bed, prayed, and was emotionally drained the next day. I
pretty much quit talking to him about anything, as he didn’t want me to know about his life. Who he talked to, where he went and so on. So, I essentially quit being interested. Just like that, COLD, stopped, done. I was ready again to be completely done with a marriage that looked so forlorn, so lost, so empty and so very over.
And, I kept praying for strength to get me through that day. And then, an amazing thing happened. He, my husband started telling me who called. He played the messages on his phone for me. He went to practice with his son (band practice) and called me when he was on his way home. The next day, same thing, started telling me about things happening in his family, phone calls, and where and what he was doing. and he has been more open about all of this. He has continued to share and it is so different. It seems that we have reached another level. I know that it is a beginning, and I realize that as you move forward, there are going to be steps backwards as well. It is inevitable. It is what it is, and it is how it works.
I don’t think that this was something that just happenend, as I was asking for some kind of intervention on God’s part to help me (and my husband) know that I was going in the right direction, and every day, asking God to take my life and marriage and do with it what He must AND wanted to in His plan for me, for us. I am trying to live in His will.
In this testimony of mine, I know there is so much hope in all of us. But we have to have FAITH, and HOPE, PATIENCE and LOVE. God is watching us, and waiting for that perfect moment to let us know that He is watching us. I feel it, I have felt it, and when something like this happens, knowing the nature of the man I married and his family background, I truly feel this as an intervention from God, something that I have been praying for now for a few weeks.
Don’t ever give up, read and learn from each of us, learn what we have experienced and felt, read the scriptures suggested, Hopeinthemorning, Gloryinthemorning, HeavennHell, you have been such a rock for me to lean on in my times of grief and hell. The rest of you sharing your experiences, you have lifted my heart from the muck it was in. Your advice, your actions in what has worked for you, your ability to express your feelings, I love all of you as sisters and brothers. Thank you so much, and I really really mean it. Without you, I don’t know where I would be mentally or spiriturally.
Ladies I found this great article:
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/man-in-the-shadow-of-adultery
Had to share this with someone!!
Omg this is good!
The behaviors and emotions that precede adultery are easily discerned, and no man can say he doesn’t know what is happening.
David is looking at Bathsheba, and he is sexually stimulated. He sends messengers to her home. She arrives and he orders those men away. He takes her to his chamber.
At what point is this mysterious? Nathan was right: The rich man took the poor man’s one sheep while awake, sober and rational.
Men, that sexual stirring you feel when engaging a co-worker in intentional conversation? That laughter over the slightly off-color humor? That extra email, voice mail or visit to the cubicle? That unnecessary phone conversation? That intentional proximity to a lunch table? That extra attention to a problem? That intentional “pastoral” call? That willingness to listen? That second glance? That touch on the arm? That nod and smile? Those assurances of friendship? That promise to “pray” and be there?
What in hell are you doing? (And I mean that. Don’t edit for the church ladies, please.)
If the above paragraph seemed a bit obsessive, I’m sorry. By age 50, you should be able to write it yourself. Actually, you should be able to write a much longer one.
There is more that could be said about the later actions and feelings, when the other party is joining in, secrets are shared, plans are made, more lies are told and the whole business takes on a life of its own. But by that time, the mortal damage has often been done. I want to gain your attention now, early on, when there is much more hope for genuine repentance and healing.
You know what is happening, and you know that it is the edge of something completely dangerous. You are taking steps- baby steps, but steps- away from the one-heartedness you promised. You promised to be a one woman man. She is counting on you to keep that promise. She is counting on you to be better than other men; to be devoted to her through everything. And now you are looking, talking, returning, even touching, with another woman in mind. You have put yourself above your marriage. You have put the momentary excitement, the eventual fantasy, the immoral boost to the ego above your love for your wife.
I wish we could see ourselves at these moments. Do you know those MSNBC bits where they trap the child predators by convincing them online to come to a house? Then when they arrive at the house, the journalist confronts them? These men come in, and they are like men possessed. They do and say things that are shocking, perverse and vile, all in anticipation of the sexual thrill of being with a minor.
We are rightly shocked by such men. But if a camera were to follow a man- yes, a Christian man- fantasizing and contemplating adultery, around for a day or week or a month, the camera would capture a fool in his folly; saying and doing things that, if played before that man and his spouse, would bring most men to a place of such grief and regret that they would be weeping like children.
We must see ourselves in the real world. God does not play into these fantasies and thrills. He sees us, and he sees deeper. He who witnessed your covenant vows, and knows your avoidance of the problems in your marriage, sees into your heart. The movie is being made, for the largest audience imaginable.
Thanks Eve!
I found comfort in your words and in a little book I found at Ralphs supermarket today- Satans Dirty Little Secrets:
Insecurity and inferiority are the ways that satan and his band of demons take a stronghold – of which my husband felt BOTH of these things, I nearly fell out of my chair!!
“all you have to do is eat of this fruit” said the serpent
And satan succeeded man sinned against God, the pure union between God and man broken- spiritual death, emotional death, relational death and ultimately physical death sets in!
The partaking of the fruit causes the very thing they try to free themselves from- insecurity and inferiority!!! Doorways for other demons& skanky evil promiscuous trolls!!!
Wow! Sounds alot like adultery to me!
Luke 10:19 spoke to me.
Matthew 18:18-19 Ana we are gathered here together in His name and HE is here in the midst of us!!
Amen – thanks ladies.
AnaLaura,
Good for you!! that’s the way & keep the momentum going. You first & everything else second.
Sybil,
it’s a wicked movie reel in the head, isn’t it? anyways, don’t beat yourself too hard (easier said than done, I know), but look here, you have integrity which is something that the skank can’t even wish for. Your self esteem will come back and you will be even better. Give it some time and do something nice for yourself, that always helps a bit. Think of it this way: at least in wasn’t you who got conned into jumping in a bed w/ a pathetic, groveling troll in a cheap hotel. Gross!—-( your husband has to live w/that image and that sucks!)
Typo- Psalm 23!
Lol – It worked, Jesus said we need to cast out the demons, soul ties from sex are pretty scary too.
Something so sacred thrown away with skanky evil trolls- trying to take what God has joined together.
Ana keep praying. Try blessing your home.
Make yourself #1
I know this is tough. I cry, hurt deeply and struggle daily with the triggers and emotions of knowing that this man that I have trusted with my life, and would NEVER think capable of adultery could possible lower himself so as to do what he did. How low must he have been to go there.
How could he act so “in love” calling her daily for one month straight – and go back time after time when he claims even the sex was bad- who agrees and lets someone take “couple” pictures together??? Who does that? And 3 hours together? Laying naked together cuddling and talking?? Phone sex from my bed with me downstairs! And their co-chosen sex itunes playlist!!! I cam’t stop wondering what it was that made him do special things for her, while I sat here lonely! I would have gladly taken the attention he showered this lowlife with. 1 yr at 16 vs 21 years of LIFE and memories,
I want this to stop looping in my head and I can’t stop. So great now I lost my self esteem,
Eve, anniesheart,and everyone who listened,
I am so comforted by your thoughts and feelings and prayers, I really do feel better.
Eve, thank you for the link, I went, I read, and I printed it out, and it said everything that my husband will not allow me to say to him, and probably could not say to him in such a straightforward and easy way, because I would probably try to say all of that and be crying, and he would be walking out, and not hearing a word I said, so I am going to give this to him, and tell him that this is almost everything I want him to know, and what he needs to know, and see what happens, I will let you know, and I think tonight I’m going to polish my nails and toe nails….
Ana LAURA
Beautiful!
Here’s something that is actually just a confirmation of what others of us have learned …I see it now in what was going on in my husband
Many people do not KNOW what marriage IS .
They may even have had premarital counseling
AND with this situation when my husband began to not be able to emotionally handle the pain HE has caused in me and seeing it made him so uncomfortable ..I told him ‘I am sorry the pain that YOU caused in me causes YOU so much pain” ….hmmm?
That seems to be the crux…UNTIL we are IN a situation we do not really KNOW what it is going to be like.
He had NEVER been cheated on or been apparently in enough of an emotionally connected relationship to know what it would be like
He says now that he NEVER thought it would be ‘this bad”!
I also note…that whenever something caused him too much ‘discomfort’ he would leave …get away …
I think men especially do not know HOW to deal with emotions.
They are ‘allowed’ to have passionate emotions when watching sports for example OR when having sex…but other than that in this day and time ..even NOw …men are led to believe any real connection with their feelings is ‘FEM”
With the large and encroaching homosexual tidal wave …more and more men who want to be distinguished as male as opposed to homosexual ..they fear to FEEL.
They DO feel but that frightens them and threatens their idea of masculinity !
In the sixties there was a season of men being urged to ‘get in touch with their ‘feminine side’ ‘”
That was not at all what masculinity is as portrayed in God’s design
To know oneself …as well as to have a secure knowledge of gender identity starts with what a boy ..or girl grows up in a family with parents who also know what this is .
IT takes allowing the spirit of GOD to guide us IN LIVING …simply growing up IN our gender not by role assignment …but by becoming a PERSON …and that includes what our gender is by design ..and all that obeying GOD in all ways …without sterio types being our template
A person BECOMES himself ..in the truest sense when responding to the Lord in all the ways that His WORD creates within as we live in it.
Ana Laura …it sounds to me like your husband is another causalty of the 20 th century social engineers as they worked through the government schools to program all children who were taken into their system ..to become fragmented .
God is ONE …in marriage man and woman are distinct in their design and specific gender attributes but are to become ONE.
We are ONE to the extent that we are in unity toward our maker …and listening to HIM
We are more ourselves in His tutalage than we can ever be apart from Him.
Notice in our society how people are prone to try to ‘fit in ‘
That is one of the aspects of ‘socializm’ to cause people to fear being ‘different’ …one of the main aspects of governments schooling was that of ‘socialization’
That is not just a word depicting being socable…it is a military word that is referring to causing people to be moldable…to be compliant for the ‘greater good’ which is defined by whomever has an agenda that requires the cooperation of a large number of people to get the ‘job’ done for those who seek to control and use humans!
Have you ever heard the term ‘children are our greatest resource” !!!!
PEOPLE are NOT ‘resources” …..this was the aim of those who are the archectects of our socializing schooling system …historically is was patterned in the US after the Prussian governments asking their scientist to produce a population of moderately educated people for the use of industry ..[ NOT TOO well educated because they needed 'workers' happy to do only a modest work for the machine]!
This is recorded well in a book called ‘Missing From Action’
Anyway ..the outcome of the variety of ways we have been moved to seek approval and a certain sense of ‘happiness’ as the ‘purpose of life’ has been very successful
Without realizing we are NOT a ‘resource ‘ but each in the image of GOD and belong to HIM as HE was the one who bought us back from the dead condition Adam’s fall brought us to …WE are without realizing the VALUE of each other!
In marriage the root of infidelity is UNTHANKFULNESS…which leads to coveting …greed and lust ..
Each with a HOOK in it to draw a person into what THEY view as nothing too damaging !
They don’t know the value of human beings
Today I saw where someone locally found a baby in a garbage can!!!
When a man is insecure when he marries ..and show me ANYONE who has any idea of the HUGE responsibility it is to take a wife ..and to have children who really KNOWS what to do .
I am pretty sure the reality HITS men and they are insecure ..THAT is JUST what GOD intended for them to be ! SO they would COME to HIM for instruction and equipping .
HOWEVER IF a MAN IS FULL OF PRIDE ..HE won’t but will feel bad
In his misery of feeling ill equipped and being like John Wayne or any number of other macho icons of false manhood…he will flee what makes him feel uncomfortable in his role …or inadequate …which will likely be HIS WIFE who gets the blame ..just like ADAM
He may not state it ..He may not even be able to identify WHY being a husband makes him feel so badly …so he will take the word of the lockeroom pals who joke about the ‘ball and chain ‘ or the ‘little woman ‘ and tease about him responding to her AS GOD has told to care for her ..and he will take on THEIR perspective …as sort of herd mentality
NONE of them KNOW for sure what to do …so then they feel better in agreeing that women are UNKNOWABLE and therefore they are justified to distance themselves and become in anything or with anyone they feel that they CAN felt competent with ..
SO the OW is a good choice…SHE is ALREADY giving up what a man must continue to nurture in marriage ..>FOR FREE.
Her intrusion not only makes him feel like HE is really great so it MUST be his wife who is the problem
BUT he also begins to think his wife is the odd one because THIS woman really cares…and SHE does not require so much attention or nurturing or foreplay ..!!! ONly eventually SHE DOES
Never mind ..the WIFE in our society is already being cast as the ‘scape goat ‘ for men who do not know their purpose or want to do any ‘work” in relationship ..WHICH IS EXACTLY what MARRIAGE IS
It is FOR HIS growth , maturity and pleasure IF he will sow where he is supposed to …
Now …if he is STILL looking at YOU and saying it is “YOU not HIM ”
HE is WRONG and HIS is staying stunted emotionally , and physically
Sex in marriage is MORE rewarding because it requires MORE imagination and it takes EFFORT …preplanning …and concern for someone other than himself
THese are NOT requirements IN ADULTERY ….but what blows it for them is their GUILT which causes pain when they are reminded of their lying when they are in the presence of their spouse..
SO they FLEE again
IF they will not FACE this reality and stop blaming the wife ..they will continue to disconnect .
Only in realizing the various ways they are ill equipped from their past understanding ..their lack of knowledge [ shudder to think a man does not know something ! right? } but this is exactly what GOD tells us is the root cause of all the problems..>PRIDE and lack of thankfulness.
So …I hurt for you . Have been there …BUT I will encourage you to put on your make up ..better yet ..get to a spa …have a series of laser light treatments if you can afford it …PUT your best self forward…not just to cause him to realize what a wasteful life he has been living but FOR YOU .
ALSO the suggestion that others made about giveing out smiles…and engaging with others…offering a friendly comment when shopping ..random acts of kindness ..is an elixure…You may not feel so much like doing it ..so pretend!
Think of it as going on stage …yet it IS a genuine offering from a woman who KNOWS the need of others who are in pain but may not show it .
Truely I see other women in particular a lot differently ..the sourpuss is no longer just a crabby woman to me …she may be someone who JUST found out HEr husband did this to her.
So it softens our views of other peoples attitudes..
I hope you realize YOU are a GEM of a woman ..>YOU did not DO this to another woman or other families
YOU are miles ahead on the ‘golden rule’ living life
We all have our faults but thankfully THIS attitude of hurting others with deliberate effort is not one of them
BTW ..all sin KILLS ….but the outcomes , the consequences and the damage to the soul are DIFFERENT …
We are offered salvation that is for NOW …it starts when we start to follow Christ ..not at our flesh death
That is why those who are going to follow Him are not looking for ways to ‘just get by ‘ with a ‘little sin ‘ allowed…we seek to avoid it ..
As a woman who sought to be a good wife…to avoid all appearances of infidelity not just for your marriage and husband but for the sake of anyone you MIGHT have had your own affair with all those years where your husband didn’t mind if he did …YOU can hold up your head
YOU have been faithful …and meek to the Lord …THIS is a pearl of great price.
We are not ‘self righteous’ but blessed to have dodged the ‘bullet’ of thinking a little infidelity was doable and no harm!!
I am hoping you can receive the various ways these special people here are offering their support …it is truely a treasure chest of love
AnaL,
I remember your story. I read it over ago (I think) and I recall you were suffering back then too. I’m very saddened to read you are still in a hole. But you must, I mean, Must promise us that you will begin taking baby steps to gain your life back. Do it for yourself, because you deserve it, and you deserve to smile. Don’t do it for the marriage and don’t do it for your callous husband. Do it because, you owe yourself some self respect regardless if your marriage has gone to isht. Okay? May I suggest, you start with putting on some make-up, getting your hair dyed, wearing something bright, and smiling (even if you don’t feel like it)?
Trust me, I know how you feel. Our cheating spouses have done great damage to our self esteem. Your husband has his own deep issues to contend with, so just get out of his way. It hurts, I know. It’s the biggest hurt in one’s life, but unless you stop seeing yourself as an old worthless woman, you will never get past this. You have to try to look at all the things that make you unique, and tell yourself, “I am a worthy person!”—-say it often even if you don’t feel it or feel like saying it. Okay?
Another thing: You know that troll w/the 3 kids that pissed & pooped all over your happy marriage? Well, she’s a trifling Skank. And your husband got conned w/some _____! There. I said it for you. Okay?
Please keep in touch. ((((hugs))))
And, Ana Laura, there is nothing wrong with you or me or any of us here today. The spouse chose to do as they did, because of their own insecurities, problems, shortcomings, and false sense of what their lives were or supposed to be, or because of jealousy, hatred of only God knows what, and wanting to be incontrol.
We are people, we are God’s children, and we will be OK. Today is the beginning of the rest of your life. Please, please, please, take advantage of that. You are in control, not him or anyone else.
Love ya.
Ana Laura,
You are still you, still a beautiful women inside and out. You may have had problems in your marriage, but it still doesnt give just cause for infidelity.
You need to pick yourself up and start fixing yourself to make you look good and feel good. To look in the mirror and say I can get past this. Start taking care of yourself. Excercise, go outside to a park or the country, and start smiling and talking to people, just a smile and hi will do for beginners.
Pick a hobby or a charity or some church or other activity to focus on. You will reflect on everything, but you will begin to move forward faster. Don’t let yourself rot on the side anymore and let him control the situation because he makes you feel bad because you feel bad. Realize that because you are someone, and mean something to more people than you think, that you have something to offer out in the world, no matter how small it is.
Look deep at yourself in the mirror, past the old woman that you see. I think older women are absolutely beautiful, ( I am 50) and I love what they have to offer me. Tell yourself I am worth more than this, I can get past this, God will give me strength. And He will. Pray, pray, pray. Trust all of us on this.
I am only about 4 months out of finding out about my husband, and now he and I doing much better. I have reailzed that I can and will move past this, and in God’s hands, I have trusted Him to guide me in the right direction. Hang in there, you have to and I mean HAVE to take care of you and don’t worry about him. You are no. 1, and need to start now to fix you.
May God hold you in His hands forever, God bless all of you and your love and strength to get me through this.
here it is
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250
Also, have you husband look at that site too
Eve, I couldn’t find the site that you posted, if you could post it again I would appreciate it/
Eve
Myself? I don’t know who I am anymore, I”m trying to find out what I did that what so wrong that he needed to find a girlfriend. I don’t know where to start, I ask him what I did that he needed to find comfort and love some where else, and he says that I was perfect, that I did nothing wrong, but I know that’s a lie, I think that I must have been horrible, so now I don’t talk, I don’t say anything, I don’t tell him how I feel, because then I would cry, and he only gets angry, says “oh here we go again” and walks out,,and when I have asked him if we could talk he says “why so you can start crying again” and I drop it, because if I start talking he walks out, and I can’t even call her a skank or a troll, because she is young and not ugly, with 3 little kids, I believe she is a skank and a troll inside, but as for me, I have become a sad, sick old woman, so I don’t wear make up anymore, I only have maybe 3 changes of clothes, i only wear one pair of sandals every day, I don’t wear my jewelry anymore, because I don’t feel that I am worth it, which before, I really thought that I was something, maybe that’s a reason he found a little no one, I would wear make up, do my hair, i have a lot of shoes, i use to buy a lot of clothes and jewelry, now I don’t buy anything anymore, I think that maybe I thought that I was the luckiest woman in the world, I had a good looking husband who loved only me, I thought that I would never have to face the problems that everyone we knew were going through, we even use to talk about people who were cheating, and what idiots and A–holes they were and that would never happen to us, well now I don’t believe in forever anymore, and we are just like everyone else, except with us no one else knows….
ps….Ana L. go and look at the link I posted on the most recent article. Print it out and give it to him.
(((hugs)))
Ana Laura,
that’s a bunch-o-crock he gave you if I ever heard one. I firmly believe our gut instincts are there for a reason, and we should all listen to it every now and then.
Ana L, what have you done for yourself lately to begin lifting yourself out of this fog you’re in? I suggest you drop worrying about your marriage for now, and look to see what you can do for No.1 (you).
Please keep in touch and let us know!
ANA LAURA
As I read what you shared my stomach felt the churning depth of pain you must have had …been there myself …it is such a deep wounding .
That your husband tore up the photos …is something ……but it is amazing how they will try to explain it.
I hope for both your sake he will wake up and smell the doodoo …
She is NOTHING more than a figment of his imagination …even her actions are still something of the fantasy that many women supply men ..they are proactive in creating a world for themselves…that gets reactions from men
If you are aware of the many sites…and magazines that provide senarios and information for women to create such facades then you realize how empty these women are .
They don’t know WHAT life is for ..they think that once they ‘get ‘ a man …I use the term loosely ..that then they will “HAVE” a life
They fail to see that there is NO LIFE in one that HAS NO life….
The WORD of LIFE is JESUS CHRIST….which offends many to hear .
But IF we can pursue that to see if it is so …and live by what HE reveals throughout His word about WHAT has happened to this world … to see what it was ..what life was intended to be…and what CAN be our true life fullfilling what HE has called us into life for .
IT is such a SHOCK to learn how far we have lived below and apart from what it really is …
It can be a true awakening to the reality that we do not know is all around us …when we are born into this fallen state .
I pray that you will find comfort in knowing that nothing he or she have been involved in is TRUE…
IT is deception .
They both need to be shaken out of it …if your discovering it did not …then pray that something will .
They are both in danger beyond their wildest dreams ..
Eternity is a LONNNNNNNG TIME!
I think that my husband thinks that because he’s still living in our house, house because it isn’t a home anymore, that, that should be all he needs to do to prove who he loves more, IS IT?? I guess, but I just feel like there should be no “who he loves more” I think that he shouldn’t love anyone else at all, am I wrong? Do I need to think differently? do I need to change my mind about what marriage is?
Eve, and Sybil,
I wish that my husband and I could laugh at the things that happened between him and his girlfriend, but he will not talk to me about anything that happened between them, or why he needed a girlfriend, and she still lives right behind us, and when I asked him if she called him again would he answer her and he said yes, because he didn’t want to be rude!! But I do believe in Gods intervention, because I believe he sent angels to put me in the right place at the right time, because I knew something was going on, but I just never imagined that he had a girlfriend, because he was mean to me, and he would look at me like he hated me, but the morning I actually heard them talking and telling each other how much they loved each other, I was sound asleep, and for some reason only God knew my eyes opened and I got up and went directly to the kitchen and looked at the phone extension and it said “in use” so I picked it up and listened, then I walked to the office put the key in the lock, and I could hear him saying “uh uh I got to go” I took the phone and I threw it at him, and I hit him, a year later I got up to go to the bathroom, and I don’t turn the lights on because there is enough light from outside lights, and my foot hit something right in front of the toilet bowl, and i reached down and it was his wallet, at first I didn’t think anything so I put it on the counter, went back to bed and just before I laid down I had the same feeling as when I caught them on the phone, so I went back in the bathroom and turned the light on, and went through his wallet, and there were 2 pictures of her hidden on the inside pockets, so I took them out, and I wanted to beat the crap out him as he slept, but I went to the living room and waited for him to get up, and when he did he said why didn’t you wake me up, and I showed him the pictures, and he said,oh came over and took them from me ripped them up and threw them away, like nothing, said he forgot about them being there, then he said that he didn’t know that they were there, that she must have put them there when he didn’t know, so I said how did she get into your pants without you knowing, and then i told him what i thought of how she could have done it, that they must have been naked and she got his wallet etc…but then he said that he went to talk to her and she asked to see a picture of our grandson, and that must have been when she put it there, and he didn’t know, so then I said well that means your still talking to her, and he said no that it happened a long time ago, and then I informed him that since the crap happened I had checked his wallet several times and there was no pictures, and then he said well he had taken them out because he didn’t want me to find them, but that he had recently put them back, and I asked why he didn’t rip them up and throw them away like he did this morning, so this is what I am dealing with, no talking, we cant not share what a stupid idiot he is, because I believe he loves her and will not share what he had/has with her, everything he says, I believe is another lie to protect her.So I don’t ask anymore because he will only lie, so no talking, no sharing, only pretending that every thing is the same, and growing farther and farther apart.
Psalm 43
1Judge me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation: O deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man.
2For thou art the God of my strength: why dost thou cast me off? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
3O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.
4Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy: yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God.
5Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Interesting choice….