Dealing with the aftermath of your spouse’s affair can be a harrowing time. Your spouse’s cheating may have been an assault on your self-respect, making you lose your sense of self-worth.
If your self-respect has been shredded and is in need of repair, read on. In this post, I’ll give you 3 keys to get you started on your return to a healthy sense of self-worth and respect for the great person you are.
The Aftermath of an Affair for the Victim
The barrage of emotions you experience after you’ve found out your spouse cheated can be quite overwhelming. In the aftermath of the revelation, your thoughts and emotions are reeling. The betrayal causes hurt and anger—and often, some of that anger points inward.
All of those negative images, thoughts and emotions can wreak havoc on your inner health, leaving your self-confidence in tatters.
You may find you are berating yourself:
- Why didn’t I sense something was off?
- How could I not know that he/she was cheating, with all of those late work nights?
- What’s wrong with me, that my own spouse would do such a thing?
- Why wasn’t I enough?
With an inner dialogue that sounds like that, is it any wonder your self-respect has disappeared? You are your own best champion, and if you turn on yourself, who is there to cheer you on?
This anger that’s directed inward is natural. Post-affair time is generally full of doubts: about your marriage, who your spouse is, who you are, and what you want to happen next.
But when it’s making you sick, and you don’t feel you can talk yourself through these negative thoughts, is when it’s time to put in a massive effort to take care of yourself and turn things around.
Remember this: your mind is your territory. You control what happens there.
Regaining Self-Respect after the Affair
You aren’t responsible for your spouse’s decision to cheat. Things may have been bad in your marriage, but it was no excuse for your spouse to venture outside of the marriage, break their marriage vows and your trust—and think that would somehow improve things.
What an affair does it make a bad situation worse—every time.
Affairs cause pain and suffering for the victims of this ill-advised decision. You didn’t ask to be cheated on, but you are left with the negative impact that is its aftermath. An affair can make you feel like you’ve lost control over everything—especially your life and how you view it. This is, in large part, why your self-respect gets eroded.
Here are 3 keys to consider in getting back your self-respect:
Key 1: Take Personal Responsibility
You aren’t responsible for the affair, but you are responsible for your life. Also, if you want to save your marriage, you are responsible for helping to heal the rift in your relationship with your spouse. However, in no way did you make your spouse cheat.
It’s up to you to surpass the difficult hand you’ve been dealt. You are responsible for what you tell yourself, so listen to that inner dialogue that’s going on—and take responsibility for changing what you’re saying to yourself.
Key 2: Embrace Reality
If you are feeling down and depressed after discovering your spouse’s affair, accept that this is your reality at the moment. It doesn’t mean it is a permanent reality. But pretending that you don’t feel awful will do nothing to help you gain back your sense of self-respect.
Once you accept that your current reality includes a lot of negative emotions, thoughts and images, it can deflate some of the power of that negativity. Simply by acknowledging that this is a really nasty time in your life can help boost your self-confidence—you have the power to name it for what it is. Now, you can focus your energy on flipping the picture back around to a more positive reality.
Key 3: Feed Your Emotions and Spirit
Your marriage may have been in disrepair for some time. If you think about it, it may have been a long time since you had any fun, let alone fun with your spouse. Anger, resentment and other seething emotions may have marked your days leading up to the affair—and certainly characterize them post-affair.
Take back your sense of self-respect by stopping the bad habit of not having fun. Think of all the things you love to do that you find personally fulfilling—and start doing them. You may not feel like it at first, but tell yourself you need to develop some new, good habits: principally, enjoying your life.
It doesn’t mean you stop working on trying to save your marriage or become so engrossed in having fun that you ignore the heavy work involved. It simply means that your emotions and spirit have been damaged—and only you can lift them back up. By nurturing and loving yourself, you will build your self-respect.
The length of the road back to self-respect varies for each individual. I can’t tell you that you’ll have it back next week, or even next month. But once you acknowledge that you really have lost respect for yourself, only you have the power to turn that around.
I would like to hear from you about how discovering your spouse’s affair damaged your self-respect, and what you’ve done to take care of yourself and gain it back …
I know it’s painful to talk about, but what has been some of your inner dialogue going on? What are you saying to yourself, or did you say?
Have you regained your self-respect and self-confidence?
What actions did you take that were successful? Which ones weren’t so successful?
Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic by leaving a comment below.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,
Stephanie Anderson
Editor-in-Chief
Marriage Sherpa
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I am writing this because I am a sister of someone who committed adultery. I love my sister and brother in law very much and they have 3 beautiful children. They are working on saving their marriage and we are supporting the both of them and trying to be there for them both. It really is unbelievable being on this side of the situation. You always think you know would you do if you were in the situation but obviously it is not that cut and dry. I was wondering if any of you could give me advice on what helped the most especially for men of whose wives who had cheated to help them through their torment. I would love to see them stay together but I also want them both happy and I know they are both suffering trying to get to that mental peace they both want but it just recently all came out. I pray for all of you to find the peace and happiness you all deserve whether it be with your current spouse or another.
A round of applause for the blog.Much with thanks. Want more.
It is not only the affair that tests a marriage, but he/she is playing with your health. It has been over a year since I became aware of a third party in my marriage and I am still dealing with an STD. I requested to be tested for HPV and tested positive. I am also awaiting results of an oral test. Should that come back positive I will be referred to an oral surgeon for monitoring. More and more cancers are being linked to this virus. HPV is not a standard test when you are being screened for an STD. You do have to ask for it. Oral cancer is now and expected to surpass melanoma. It is all related to this virus. I am surprised how many people are unaware of this.
I feel to a certain degree this third party just does not go away….even tough he has ended it. The fact that she is not left with any of the aftermath or share some of the costs for tests just erks me.
My husbands affair started 3 months before I had any clue to what he was doing. He contacted his cousin on FB & according to her they had feelings for each other since they were kids. She is a 2 time cheater, one for each of her ex-husbands. She got his cell phone number & started flirting w/him. Then she moved into “sexts” w/him. He was traveling a lot for his work during this time9only home for 23 days in 7 months), so I really had no idea what he was up to, until he came home one weekend & couldn’t stand for his phone to be out of his sight. He was texting ALL the time. Which was weird for him, cause that was something he never did! The weekend I found out was a normal, husband/wife, haven’t seen you in a month weekend for us. Outside of his addiction to his phone. Sunday night before I went to bed I saw his phone charging on the floor next to him, turned upside down. I couldn’t take it any more! I knew something was up. But I wasn’t prepared for what I read on his phone. The things he had texted to her, were the same things he had been saying to me for the last 23 years. How she was the woman he had been dreaming of & waiting for his whole life. The things they wanted to “do” to each other, & how bad it was hurting him to be so far away from her, even for just the weekend. I thought I was gonna die. I read through quite a few days worth of texts before I woke him up & confronted him. It took him a while to admit the truth, out side of it being his cousin (he still swears it was a friend of hers that she set him up w/& let them converse through her FB & phone).
It has been since November 1st that I found out. I still have haunting thoughts about the 2 of them together. He swears he has had no communication w/”either” of them since the night I found out & that he wants to be w/ & loves only me & wants work on our family/life! I just don’t know what to think.
Although I want to believe him I still wonder if he’s holding out on me & lying to me again. I have nightmares almost nightly bout what happened before & my fears of what is happening again. When does it stop? When does the trust come back? When can I stop worrying about when I will be left alone? And worrying about ever being able to love again? Whether it be w/my husband or some one else! I hate how “ugly” I feel! Even though I know I’m not! I have never been an insecure person, but I have become one. I can’t help but feel that he quite on me when I needed him most, & whats to keep it from happening again?
Our lives changed 2 years ago when he went & got a vasectomy against my wishes. Our 2 older daughters got pregnant out of wed-lock w/in 6 months of each other & I become a grandmother at the age of 42. He didn’t want children younger than our grandchildren & although I understood it verbally, I couldn’t emotionally! I went into a deep depression & yes I ignored my husband. I was mad at him for doing something I didn’t want & mad at my daughters for going against the way I tried to raise them. I felt like a failure at the 2 things that were most important to me – a mother & a wife! I withdrew from my husband & my children! I started staying late at school grading papers & tutoring my students. It was only there that I felt worth while, & productive. I didn’t realize what I was doing! Even though things are very different now. We do everything together! I still can’t help those feelings of insecurity & the night mares! I’m in counseling, and although thing are getting better, its VERY slow! And I still feel borderline insane! Can’t wait for the day when I start to feel as beautiful as everyone tells me I am, again!!
Learn How To Survive An Affair using the tips on this website. You can get through an affair and come out the other side much stronger for it.
I was 24 when I met my husband and divorced with a 4 yr old boy I was 5ft 2in and 125 lbs. When my husband cheated on me she was 29 5ft 2in and had a little boy She was litterally my replacement except I wasnt a slut or i would never go after a married man!
Before the cheating I had alot of health problems I had fallen into an awful depression I had been sick for 3 yrs in some way shape or form I was in full “patient” mode. Doctors had control of me which is not always a good thing. When I found out I remembered I was a strong person and the poor physical therapist that was working on me at the time unfortunately asked me how I was doing 4 days after I had found out and boy I know he regreted it cuz I told him! But he was so great and told me to listen to my instincts listen to my heart and listen to my body and do what I needed to take care of me. 2 times a week he listened and then told me I was stronger than I thought. Eventually I began to beleive. My counsler also brought a good point 16 yrs ago I was raped at knife point I survived that so I know I can survive this. So I guess it reminded me what I was made of, Ive also lost alot of weight I had a couple of friends that now know if thats why Im losing weight so he will stay but I can honestly say no when I realized I was losing weight from the stress I thought Im gonna keep this going cuz if we dont make it I want to feel good about myself to eventually date again. LOL I wanted to feel better so bad health mentally emotionally and I think at some point in time you just have to decide to be happy and heal and go on. Im prettty Im stronger than he is cause I can turn away from temptations LOL and Im a good hearted person because I gave him and us another chance. There are days that Im saying these things to myself alot then theres days that I just feel it. It hurts Ive looked at it like stages of grief I know Im gonna hurt and Ive let myself do that. Ive let myself feel it all and Ive let him know because I figured I had to let it out and feel it instead of keeping it in so that years from now I blow up cuz he left the toilet seat up or I die of a heartattack. Neither him or her are worth that! I choose to heal! I hope this helps someone!
SURVIVING:
I felt the same way, for a LONG time!!!
Yes, I was tossed aside, like yesterdays garbage but that is NOT what I am & I decided to stop feeling that way. I was the strongest cheerleader & supporter he HAD. I WAS the VERY best friend a man could ask for (his pals & family agree). I focus on ALL the good things I offered/contributed to the marraige/relationship over 40 yrs. This was/is my husband’s choice. He used his free will to spit in GOD’s eye, take, use/abuse. I feel sorry for him But pity doesn’t help either of us.
There were times I wished this had happened before I raised 3 children, gave up a significant portion of my better years but NO time is best for this emotional devastation.
There is a rainbow, after the storm. I’m staying strong, in my faith, that the SON/SUN will show me the rainbow. Right now, it’s still cloudy, for me, but the rain (of tears) is over.
It’s been 4 1/2 yrs. since my husband jumped in bed with another man’s wife. She’s got her own place, now, so the 2 can commit adultery with less guilt.
What REALLY seems to bother me more than what they are doing, at this time, is their lack of shame & others seem to think it’s “no big deal-everybody does it”.
Their Happiness (as they call it) superceeds Holiness. I disagree but I’m not going to wallow in their disgrace & I hope you rise above this, and come out stronger than ever!
Lisa, everyone thinks my husband is the pillar of society, little do they know, he is a liar/cheat and had an affair with one of our best friends wife. We have been married 20yrs and we have know her for 17yrs, went to their wedding. He is only interested in fixing himself, he has no interest in counselling with me. Told me flat, no, this is about me, not you. I thought it took 2 people to have a relationship/marriage?? He has been brainwashed by a Mens group, beware ladies if your husband joins one of these, they are a cult designed to degrade women and promote selfishness among men.
He tells nobody he left because he had an affair, all of which lasted 4mths and I had to find out for myself, too gutless to come clean. I still don’t know what happened and he won’t tell me. So now he wants to play nice and wants me to do the same. He told me I was mean, yeah right, if I am mean he is downright selfish and cruel.
He wants 50/50 and expects me to roll over and give him what he wants. I am financially crippled and he knows this. He has left me alone in our home with our 2 dogs and a large property to maintain. He comes up when he feels like it and does a few hours work and then tells me he has to leave to go to a party! Mr Happy I call him, he told me I make him unhappy! You should see him, if he is happy then I am the Pope! He looks so miserable, but puts on this persona of ” I am a big tough fireman who is loved and admired by everyone” NOT!
He is only playing nice so he can get his money and run, then lets see the real monster appear. He can be so cruel and heartless and has no regard for the hurt he has caused our family.
I told him he would get his divorce if he came to counselling with me, but he refused. Told me he was not going to be emoitionally blackmailed!!! So, I have decided to be happy myself and not let him drag me down to his level of nastiness. He wants me to mirror him, but I won’t.
I have God on my side, so Praise the Lord! take care everyone going through this as its a trauma far too great to take on alone.
Kimberly,
I don’t know if I could stick around for another round of cheating. I have told him if he betrays me again we are through. I owe our marriage and children a chance at saving our 18 year marriage.
I am finding it difficult not to be suspicious and paranoid. Is a cheater always a cheater? His affair has been over 8 months. He ended it before I found out. I wish he had the guts to tell me himself. I had to hear it from a complete stranger who called me as a private caller.
I keep praying for healing and inner peace with all of this, I just hope he can keep his promise that he won’t ever let this happen again.
To all of you who have cheated or think about cheating. Ask your self first is it worth destroying you marriage and family for? What would you say to your child who calls you and tells you their heart is broken because their spouse betrayed them. It takes years to build trust and seconds to destroy it.
To Natalie and Lisa, I have many past blogs about my then 21 yr. marriage and his confession of 3 yrs. of unfaithfulness. He was unhappy for a long time and we were stagnant (this part I knew and tried to be more interesting/exciting but aging’s a bitch). He went through midlife crisis – cars, clothes, primping, out with friends all night – me home with the kids (teens). Anyway, we had a rough year in 07 and he moved out, supposedly temporarily to straighten out his head, destress, or whatever was causing the verbal abuse/tension at home. We (me and the kids) naively waited patiently for his mental recovery – he came home about 2-3 times a week for visits/dinners. We even started dating weekly and things seemed better for us. Little did I know that he had “women”, one ho in particular during this time, and the rough 07 was when he probably couldn’t handle the guilt, or coming home to his loving family. He claims now he moved out because the “ho” starting threatening him and he had to keep danger away from us. Now that he had his apt. in 08, it was easier to lead his other life (he stills says that was not his intent). Anyway, through an epiphany, he stopped (2-1/2 yrs was finally enough?) and confessed, but not about the one particular ho who thought she was his girlfriend (single mother). The other whores I can deal with, nameless, faceless, sporatic, but I see her pix on FB and she still texted him till recently. He blocked her # and tells me about anything that comes up about her. The way he feels about this whole thing is, it was his own thing – it didn’t take away from him taking care of his family. It wouldn’t hurt me if I didn’t know and it would just pass. Now he can’t live with the guilt. We both pretend to be happy, but he knows how I hurt and can’t forgive himself, even if I don’t say anything. I tell him I’m OK, but as you can see, I’m still reliving it – every night he came home in the wee hours, every “I’m working very late tonight”, every call to me that was followed by a call to her, every “it’s OK honey, have a good time” that his stupid wife said while they were sticking up my a–.
The kids think he walks on water, their friends think we are cool, affectionate parents, everyone goes to hims for advise bacause he knows everything.
In the beginning of our reconciling 4/09, we went through the questioning period, the answers were always different or led to more questions. He would get aggitated and feel crucified if I already forgave him or he answered that question before. I won’t go through that part, but during that year he was very loving, helpful, caring, attentive, etc. Now I think he’s over it, he did enough. When we go out I feel like he’s doing me a favor. We haven’t been intimate for about two months now, very unusual. Why was that so important to him three years ago – enough to endanger our life/family, and now he’s just tired or not interested? Back then when we didn’t have sex I didn’t understand why, I knew he was tired when he worked late, but damn I couldn’t figure out the change. Friggin idiot wife again, that scenario is happening again, but is it because of the same reason as before? He hasn’t faltered yet, and since I’m always looking/alert, I haven’t found anything suspicious, but I’m still uneasy.
We are at a stand still. He told me he knows I’m never gonna get over it which I deny, but it may be true. Should we leave the marriage because neither one of us is really “happy” (he probably has a list of #’s a mile long, I won’t even look at another man out of respect for my husband). No one else knows anything about this. Do I let go of the hurt from this unthinkable betrayal and 3yr. “mistake”, how could loving someone permit you to do that? He’d die for me so how could he kill me? He doesn’t get it, I don’t get it.
Brighter times are ahead. I’ve been there and have survived, and in some ways our relationship and my life are better. I would not have believed a year ago, that I would be at the point I am today.
It has been over a year since I discovered my husband’s affiar with a friend of ours. He was remorseful, begged my forgiveness and I believe him and opened up to working out our marriage. Less than two months later, he persued her again, and I discovered even more devasting information online.
I didn’t know how I was going to survive this time of my life. I had a lot of internal work to do–it was just our marriage. Was this really the kind of person I wanted to spend my life with? Was this the kind of man I wanted my girls to be with, and if not, why would I stay with him?
It wasn’t easy, and I did find a great therapist that made me understand that I was normal, and the pain would persist until I truly dealt with everything. My husband continued to be remorseful and has treated me the way I have always wanted to be treated. I am truly thankful he has kept his word, and is doing everything he can to help me. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have your spouse be uncooperative.
I don’t know what our future holds, but I do know that I have tried my best to make the marriage work. I can love someone, but they may not be capable of being the husband that I want.
And the reality is we only have one life to live. There is no need to be unhappy–life is too short to be worried about someone over over which you really have no control. It did take a long time to get to that frame of mind.
I had planned on having a firm decision at the one year point–either recommit or move on. However, my priorities have changed. My marriage is no longer the focal point of my life. My mother is in the final stages of ovarian cancer, and my sister was just diagnosed with Stage 4 head and throuat cancer. I realized that either my marriage will flourish, or it will end. But I have received a reminder to live each day as if it is my last.
I hope this has helped someone. It really does get better, if you can work on healing yourself. Despite the pain, I have gained so much self awareness over the past year and am so thankful to the people in my life that have helped me through this.
i remember the me i used to be. i hurt to find her again. i question if i ever will?!!!? my heart has been litereally broken. the pain will not stop. 15 months have passed. he has been living with a 28 yr old. he is 51. 31 years thrown away like yesterdays trash.
Hurting,
Reading your blog your wife sounds like my husband. Everyone thinks he is such a great guy and husband. Unfortunately that is a mask he hid behind. He walked around like he was “Mr. integrity”,until I got a call from a women that told me he was having a year long affair with a women that had an affair with her husband too. This women was also married.
It’s been 5 months and I’m still a wreck. He say’s he’s sorry and that the affair was stupid. he told me he felt like I didn’t care about him and that he tried to talk to me about it. I don’t remember a time ever that he sat down and said to me that he was unhappy and we needed to talk about things.
He acts now like things are good and gets upset with me when I need to know where he’s going and how long he’s going to be. He created this person in me. Just because he tells me his sorry, I’m supposed to just trust him again and all the pain and hurt goes away! I was lonely too. Never thought about going outside my marriage. I believed in the vows I made to him.
Ive had this experience twice once at 33 and now at 53! this time I have told myself over and over again this is my pain (being lonely at times) to my gain!! (a new life) Hes not woth it.
Natalie,
Thank you for answering.
I really thought for years that my wife was a good honest person with integrity. Now I still think she wants to be thought of as a good person, most people that think they know her would say yes she’s a great person.
I think, like your husband, she wants her public persona but has proven her self to be a selfish deceitful, manipulative person when and where it counts the most. So the answer to your question is, unfortunately, no.
I am staying for my children right now. I would like to say I’m staying because I love my wife but I honestly don’t know that I do because I no longer sure who and what she is.
I can honestly say I don’t care about the material things, even though it was my “long hours” that bought them, she never worked. We also have a nice home and lifestyle that the children would lose somewhat if we divorced.
I really believe the only real reason my wife is staying is I’m providing financially and she does not have to work. If she found a guy that was financially well off I think she would be gone in a heart beat.
Does she love the children? I think she does as much as a self centered person can, because they are hers and she gets compliments on them and for being such a “great” mom.
We have been together 17 years, (only marriage for both). She knew my family much better than I knew hers. I have learned since that she knew my standards from knowing my family and presented her self deliberately as a person that reflected the same core values.
I learn a lot by listening closely when she gets angry about something I say.
Am I afraid of starting over? I don’t think so. I’m a little older than you and would have younger children perhaps than yours but I am a good honest person that is fun and can have a sharp wit that I have to be careful with! I’m not vain but have been called handsome from even non family members!I have always made a very good living with work I do, even in this economy. Funny….this almost sounds like a dating site profile!!!
So really it all comes down to some simple questions.
Will she decide to change and become an honest person with integrity?
Are my children better off with us together or apart?
What is my responsibility to my faith and core values that require me to treat people like I want to be treated, not how they have treated me?
You sound like a great person, probably why he has kept you around all this time. I hope you don’t let him turn you into a person you wouldn’t like.
We have been the “grown ups” in our marriages. We don’t have partners, we have immature, rebellious adolescences. God help us, He’s the only one who can!!
Hurting-
Your questions are completely valid, and I’m not even sure I fully know the answer. I do believe, however, that fear of the unknown plays a part.
Will your wife choose to become an honest person? I have no idea. Is she an otherwise good and honest person? Is she normally a straight forward person with integrity?
If she is like my husband; always wanting to look like the good guy, and likes to hide the ugly things, she’ll never admit everything.
I have tried for years, and he never tells a whole truth. He told me he never slept with the 1st woman, which I knew was a lie. Finally, years later, he admitted it very nonchalantly and said “I thought you already knew”, forgetting that he’d told me they were just friends. He forgets the lies he tells, and digs himself a larger hole.
Why do I stay? I think this is a multiple part answer, and there are so many reasons.
1. I am the child of divorced parents, and I always swore to myself that I would never do that to my children.
2. I have been his wife (had his last name), longer than I had my father’s. He is really all I know.
3. I have worked too hard to build what we have, and I’m not willing to lie down and let him take it. I am not willing to allow some other woman to share in the things that I’ve worked for. I am unable to afford my home without him, and that would mean giving up the home my children live in.
4. The fear of the unknown, having to start over at 41. I don’t know that I want to have to go through the motions of finding anyone new. Thinking about what/who is out there, is scary. Men my age, if they are single, are probably divorced, which means I would most likely be inheriting some other woman’s problem. I’d rather keep the devil I already know, if that makes any sense.
After the 1st woman, I actually made his life a living hell. I would purposely go out and not tell him where I was going, and I would make snide comments about things, and I basically let him know that he was a piece of garbage… not yelling of course, but calm and very matter of fact statements.
Sometimes I think that maybe he feels I already hate him, and there is nothing he can do to fix it, so he might as well continue being an ass. What he doesn’t understand and what he isn’t willing to take credit for, is that he created this monster. I also think he is a very spoiled and selfish person on so many levels.
My husband is a person who has all of the toys (boats, etc), and buys a new car for himself every two years, whether we can/should afford it or not. If some new gadget comes out, he’s got to have it. His attitude, or value system, I believe, is a huge part of why he is a serial cheater. He can never be happy with what he has, and may think there is something he is missing out on.
Marriage and children are not something you can trade in, like a car. I’m not saying I don’t think he loved/loves me, in his own way, or that he would want to get rid of us. But, I do believe that if a different flavor of candy is dangled in his face, he doesn’t know how, or is too selfish, to say NO.
What angers me even more, is that he has rationalized it to the point that he feels his actions were/are justified, because something he didn’t get from me or some behavior of mine, etc.
Cheating is definitely the behavior of a selfish person, of someone who doesn’t care how they hurt others.
Our lives have basically become one of appeasing each other and going through the motions. On the outside, we look like the perfect family in the perfect home. In reality, it’s more of a battle between right and wrong and who can prove the other person is worse, or has wounded the other worse (he with his infidelities or me with my sharp tongue). This is not something others see or know, and it doesn’t occur daily, but the longer it goes on and the more he is a pig, the more I am determined to win. It’s disgusting! It is complete dysfunction!
Have you ever seen the movie “The War of The Roses”? That’s very much us, with a huge dash of infidelity.
Without boring you with the entire story and many sordid details, I guess it’s hard to understand.
I honestly think things would be better if he could just be honest. But he needs to be honest with himself first, and that’s never going to happen.
Someone mentioned in a previous post that it would have been easier if the person had died. I believe that as well. I think that would hurt a lot less.
To Cheat,
Again, thank you for your posting on these blogs.
Your honesty and repentance give hope to those of us that are longing for these attributes in our wayward spouses.
I for one believe you CAN be whole again because I believe the Bible. Christ told the woman caught in adultery ” neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more”
Take care and thanks again, my prayers and hopes are for your family’s complete restoration.